Super confused about what to do

[Lyuanli]

So this week my life kind of went a little crazy, to put things in context I'm American born Chinese and I live in China now where the culture is a little different from the west, but I grew up in America, so like, I feel as if I'm bound by the rules of where I grew up. Anyways,

I've had a girlfriend here for almost 9 months now, and we're kind of a normal Chinese couple to be honest, we argue about the small stuff a lot and worry about our (financial) futures (in China, money is who you are). But this week everything went into kind of a weird twist. I'm kind of young and still in school, we argue a lot for like an hour then make up pretty quickly, we're both quiet and very polite to others, but tend to treat each other like hostile siblings a lot. I'm happy with her and can't imagine a life without us bickering in the afternoon about who's country is best at basketball or whatever. Another thing about our relationship is I'm not really all that handsome, but I'm outgoing and a lot of girls like me but I just ignore them, I always feel that she's above all women I meet, it's almost like all I see is her around other girls.

But,

This week I was surfing around the net, bored and ran into a chatroom for hook-ups. I went in to see, it's local and chinese chatrooms for anything are completely opposite from american ones, and the hook-up room is always the fullest, chattiest, funniest one when you're bored (sorry, I know looking for love is important, but when it's 50 people in a chatroom that are all boys pretending to be girls, it's a little funny). Anyways, one person msged me and we talk for a while, it's a guy, and he eventually asks for my pic, and I dunno what happened, but I felt curious and sent him a photo, and then he sent me his and I kinda came to my senses and told him I'm not into this.

So, like, total bi-curiousness aside, I love my girlfriend, and I don't know what I was thinking by sending that pic, it was just so easy. I feel that what I did was total college rookie, playing with fire kind of stuff, but how do I tell her, or should I tell her? I should mention I have a friend who's gay, and my attraction for the guy is at 0, I don't know what I was thinking with this chatroom. So, lying is never okay, I want our relationship, but for one split second I feel like I totally betrayed our 9 months of relationship. What do you guys think? By the way, she's a total homophobe for the most part and her last boyfriend cheated on her big time. I feel like I'm just like him

[vashti]

If you aren't interested, then why don't you just cut contact with the boy?

If you ARE interested in him, your girlfriend has a right to know.

[Lyuanli]

Oh, sorry, thought I mentioned it. I cut contact with him right after I sent the pic.

[vashti]

If you aren't going to do it again, then I don't know that your girlfriend needs to know about it. I wouldn't want to know about it if I were in her position, assuming you weren't going to do it again.

But seriously, you need to decide if you are interested in men or not. It wouldn't be fair to let her think you are all hers, and then spring it on her in 10 years that you think you are gay.

[kisswithafist]

ok well its ok to lie if you think the truth wont do you any favours, and that rule applies here.

nothing actually happened, but if you think you may be a little bi-curious then you shouldnt be in a relationship until you have had time to experiment.

[Incognito]

Ok, going solely on the fact that you have cut contact with someone who you talked to once in a chatroom and you claim to not be attracted to guys I wouldn't say anything. You have a gay friend, so that means you are comfortable with being around gay guys. I've talked to gay men before too, but it was just conversation. If the conversation ever started turning sexual I'd simply state that I'm not interested and keep talking. I've never had gay friends, but I wouldn't want to totally discriminate against someone by avioding talking to them based on their sexual preferrence. Exactly what kind of picture did you send? Was it a nude picture? I suppose it doesn't matter too much, but the following does: No matter what you tell us or don't tell us here, you know who you are and what you really want. If there is even the slightest chance that you want to be with another guy you shouldn't be in the relationship with your girlfriend. It would be selfish to keep her around just because you enjoy her company while having a sexual attraction to anyone else (man or woman). I guess I should further define that last statement by adding "having a sexual attraction that you want to act on". Only you know yourself. Just be honest with yourself, and then to her.

[OneQuestion]

I have gay friends... That doesn't mean I am gay or bi... Now the picture you sent... Normal 'year book' type photo? Or something a little more risky?

Anyways... Don't tell your GF. You will only be upsetting her for no reason... IF you are BI and need some 'male loving' then you do need to let her know. But if it was just a one time curiousness, then you are fine, just forget about it.

I mean, how many of us haven't at one point at least clicked some gay or bi porn. Men are curiuos about almost anything. I don't watch it, don't like to watch it, but at one point I'm sure I've seen it. Should I have told my GF that I did that... No, because I have no interest in doing that in real life.