What is wrong with me? Why do I always attract the same men who lose interest so fast

[sheenietee]

Alright, I have only had two boyfriends but both have been short-lived (3-4 weeks) and all have progressed through just about the same exact pattern. I am currently 19 years old.

This is how things always turn out for me: The guy meets me and for whatever reason is so enticed and infatuated with me right away. They act like they're head over heels and think I'm the one almost immediately (might be an exaggeration but just trying to create a proper visual).

Then they ask me out and we start dating and as a couple weeks go by they suddenly lose interest in me not being "able to see me in that way" and they break up with me. I don't do anything wrong. In fact, I'm not trying to sound conceited or anything but I think I am a very good girlfriend. I'm not dramatic, I am very understanding and a great listener, I'm good looking, and I am basically just a very compliant, nice person. Maybe I don’t show enough interest in the guy? I am kind of a quiet and therefore “mysterious” girl. I also feel like maybe because I’m a bit more serious and composed I give off the impression that I’m a “want to get married type”? Even though I’m not and I never litereally say anything like that.

These guys always hurt me because it seems like they go from loving me to simply liking me as a person. They always break up with me in a crappy way (not because they're assholes but because they realize that I'm a good girl that did nothing wrong and they feel extremely guilty about it).

What is wrong with me? I feel like I'm a great package but guys lose interest so fast in me? They really seem genuinely into me and I don't give myself up sexually but not to say I'm frugal in that department either. I still really like the last guy that broke up with me and I feel like we truly are very compatible… I don’t plan on not living my life or waiting around for him.. but I still would gladly one day love to contact him… or him contact me.. but is this even possible?

[vashti]

My guess is that if you are the serious type, the guys you are dating may be interested in a bit more fun and spontaneity. A lot of boys your age tend to have short attention spans and need to have continuous stimulation... that's why the drama queens always have a date.

Maybe you should consider dating someone a few years older? (Note I said a FEW years, not 20. lol)

[sheenietee]

My guess is that if you are the serious type, the guys you are dating may be interested in a bit more fun and spontaneity. A lot of boys your age tend to have short attention spans and need to have continuous stimulation... that's why the drama queens always have a date.

Maybe you should consider dating someone a few years older? (Note I said a FEW years, not 20. lol)

The last guy was twenty-one but I guess that wasn't old enough? lol. I really do have a true fear that if I keep making whatever mistake I'm making I'll never be able to hold a guy's interest long enough and never have a long-term relationship.

[vashti]

You will, my friend. You are still very young. Serious girls are the type guys marry, and the guys your age aren't ready for that kind of relationship yet. Don't worry.

If you are exceptionally brave, you could ask the guys for an honest appraisal of your relationship to file away for future knowledge.

[starbuck]

I doubt you're making any mistakes. It's more that guys and girls your age tend to have the attention span of fruit flies when it comes to dating. You're the exception, not the rule.

It's probably just a matter of finding the guys out there that are also the exceptions. They're out there, just be patient. These trial runs are actually part of the process. Many people have to go through them in order to find something more substantial.

[the_robot]

Funny how this being "ask a male" only females answered, I find myself forced to answer

I agree with Vashti and starbuck, these guys you've been dating probably have a short attention span, you just have to find a good guy. As Vashti says it may be easier to find older ones that aren't like that, but there's also guys your age that aren't like that.. it's just a matter of finding them.

[MM894]

You will, my friend. You are still very young. Serious girls are the type guys marry, and the guys your age aren't ready for that kind of relationship yet. Don't worry.

To begin with, from the perspective of a guy a few years older than you I can't stress what vashti said enough, that's the truth, 110% and there's just no way around that. Nice girls meet nice guys. Dramatic girls might be more fun and spontaneous to have a fling with, but if you asked 50 guys, I'm sure not more than 1 or 2 would say they would ever settle down with someone like that.

My main concern is the pace at which your relationship is moving.. to me that's an indicator. I don't claim to be a dating expert by any means but I honestly feel like that's what's wrong with your relationships. Call me a cynic or a pessimist, but I simply don't believe in the "love at first sight" thing, at least not for someone at 19 (I'm not being condescending, I'm 21 years old and still have yet to feel like it applies to someone my age either). If a guy your age is giving you signals that he thinks you're the one within 3 weeks of you dating him, that, to me, is alarming. If he's able to get that crazy about you that quickly, he can lose interest just as easily, and that's absolutely on them, it's not any fault of your own. I wouldn't base your relationships off my own personal experiences, but I've been dating a girl for a year now, and it took both of us five months to say "I love you". The only other "long-term" relationship I've been in (6 months), I never said it once. I honestly don't believe you can have that opinion of someone that quickly, and if someone's so willing to jump into that right away, especially at an age where nobody's really sure what they want, that's a really poor indicator of where a relationship is headed, at least in my opinion.

My advice to you is this; you're 19 years old and there shouldn't be any pressure on you to feel like you need to be finding "the one" yet. Go have some fun, meet a bunch of guys, you shouldn't be restricting yourself to exclusively relationships at this point in life. Many of the relationships I've seen work so well aren't "boyfriend-girlfriend" from the start.. leaving a label off of it removes any pressure to keep it going long term, and more likely than not, if you're with someone you really might have a future with, you're going to learn that from an extended period of time with them, not from an intimate, intense 3-4 week period.. there's simply no way you can fully judge a person from that little amount of time. Just my two cents.

[Gigabitch]

The guy meets me and for whatever reason is so enticed and infatuated with me right away. They act like they're head over heels and think I'm the one almost immediately (might be an exaggeration but just trying to create a proper visual).

Let this be a warning to you next time. This is flaky behavior. Don't let someone like this pull you in.