Confusing feelings

[babysnoops]

Hi,

Five years ago, I thought I met the love of my life (Call him E - for ex). I had dated other guys before, but he was different in so many ways and we easily discovered that we have a lot of shared passions (not just interests). But we dated only for four months and he broke up with me, I don't know why. Of course, we had huge fights back then. I did not know why he dumped me, there was no sign of another girl and we did not fight that much. So I kept asking him why even if he repeatedly asked me to leave him alone. I managed to let him go after about three months (no contact) and started to date another guy few month later (Call my new guy B - for Boyfriend). B and I are clearly happy, he is the "new" love of my life although we don't have common passions as E and I do.

My problem is, E contacted me soon after I started dating B. He wrote to me for no reason (Well, I would not contact him just to ask if he still had a random lyric that I can easily find on the Internet.) I was over him already so I did not find any harm in talking to him, and neither did B. So E and I became friends Life was good, but then again, E started throwing hurtful and insulting words to me ... and again, I did not know why. I asked him if I have offended him but he did not care to explain. So I broke all contact I had with him.

We tried to be friends more than once after that but it always ended the same way: He insults me for no reason, I cannot stand him so I stop being his friends. He comes back and try to be kind with me and I just accept him ... It has been months since we last talked alone. He tried to talk to me but I just refused to. I try to avoid him as much as I can, but we talk when we are with other friends. What confuses me is, I think I miss being his friend or his friendship. Also whenever he can greet me with a hand shake, he almost never misses to gently press (more pressure than a normal handshake lol, gentle but definitely not a caress) my hands and smile, and it makes me smile. It makes me want to be kind with him. I don't know what to think. I miss him but I don't want to be in contact with him for I am sure he will hurt me again. And B does not make things easier for me. He thinks I should try to be more tolerant with E. I don't know what kind of relation can I have with E anymore, yet I somehow miss his friendship.

I am so confused at the point that I don't know if I am here looking for your advice or just to tell the story and get it out of my chest. So I will just say, advice or not, please tell me what you think.

[ecojeanne]

E is a classic manipulator.

he gives love and then takes it back. he gives attention and then takes it back.

[devonbrown]

You will never know why E is acting the way he is acting. All you can know for sure is that things always end up going bad because of what he is doing and how he is acting.

You have the control over this. You don't need to accept him back as a friend next time. Cut all contact with him and just move on. If he tries to contact you again, just tell him once that you have no interest having him in your life any more and that you will not respond again.

It is just as much on you for letting him back in your life, so stop that behavior.

Good luck.

[babysnoops]

Thank you, ecojeanne and devonbrown. I totally agree with you. I guess I just need to be stronger, and care less about the awkwardness that this situation causes sometimes with our mutual friends.