Dating someone with children

[nomas]

****if you want to skip over my whole take on this, the question is in boldat the bottom..

Here's one:

I thought about this because it's close to home for me. I have two sisters, one older, one younger. My older sister has a 9 year old boy (my God-son) and is divorced. My younger sister has 3-year-old identical twin boys. Very, very active twin boys. Oh, yeah..those of you with experience with active kids trying to imagine how bad this could be...Oh, yeah..oh, yeah..

That's beside the point. The point is: My older sister is dating this guy who's a good guy. Patient, hard working, a decent fellow. Not overly easy on the eyes, but not butt-ugly. But considering my sister is fairly good looking, I thought I'd throw it in. Anyway, this relationship is going well. Cool, says Freddie. I'm passive about my sister's (or anyone else's relationships because I like people's noses out of mine....whenever they happen)

So my younger sister started getting "courted", shall we say, from this dude. Nothing new here, my younger sister has even more attention from guys than my older sis...though this may be because she's younger..but still, the difference here is that this guy is, by traditional terms, a "keeper" type of guy. He's finishing up with an engineering degree and has never been known to be a trouble maker type. He's the quieter type of fellow you hear no bad things about (he lives in the neighborhood where people know everyone else's scandals, and we know he's the non-scandalous type).

AAAaaanyway..the ladies (my Mom and sisters) are sitting around talking about how great this guy is and how he's very much a gentleman and he very formally asked if he'd have a shot with my younger sis (asked her directly) making her feel so important and she goes on to say, "what about the babies" and he says "I met you like this and I accept you like this" and she says "what about your family..they may not like it" and he says "I don't get into anyone else's business and expect the same".. So they're all excited about this fellow. Freddie's like "cool".

So that's just the background. My view, however, is..I don't know it's such a great and admirable/honorable thing that these guys are doing. Personally, it is just what I would expect. I know I would expect it of myself that if I meet a girl I like, her having children will not be a factor to whether I date her or think I have a future with her or not. Kids are no obstacle. If anything, I think they make a woman that much stronger, that much wiser. Maybe this makes them appreciate the value of some of the traits that I have to offer. A lot of us non-great looking guys have that, at least. We've developed some other positive traits to make up for the lack of looks.

So the question in the end is:

What are your feelings about dating someone with kids of their own?

oh, and "oops" in advance if this questions has been posted before. I didn't think to search for it before I wrote all of this and now it's too late..I've written what I've written and now I'm posting it, damn it!

Freddie

[squirrley]

You are so damn funny Freddie! I read the entire thread and didnt even boost to the bottom. Sounds like you do have a tight family, and thats great. I have a son, and omg its hell raising him alone, but I do it. As for dating others with children, I wouldnt have a problem with it. (because I have my own.) But at my age a whole whopping 33 if I were to get invovled with someone who has children I would hope theyre a little bit older by now. Ive done the whole raising young child, and I dont want to go through it again.

Yes this has been a huge topic before here, but its always nice to see the new peoples ideas or opinions. Ive dated a few guys who didnt care that I had child. I have yet come across someone whose been seeya.

It all depends on the person and what theyre looking for in a long term relationship or a potential wife. I personally as soon as my son is done with HS want to go out and start having fun! Oh hell ya! Im done with having children. But in the meantime, I would hope throughout dating someone, that they have the same ideas as you Freddie. But sometimes, and alot of times, when men see women who are single with several children they run. Have had it happen to some of my friends.

It comes down to what the individual wants in the long run for themself. But a child is a child and will always be a part of us, no matter what. I wouldnt change anything about my life to suit a b/f. Take me or leave it.

[Breezy18]

Oh Squirt you said it. For me, it's not the fact that I have children, but the fact that I don't want to give birth to anymore that causes problems. Some of the guys that I have dated want their own children, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If I didn't have any of my own, I'd definately be looking to hook up with someone who would eventually want to settle down and have at least one child. BUT, I have three teens and that's me done. I would definately date a guy who has children of his own, and although I HAVE been through the diaper stage already, it would not bother me to date someone with small kids; even babies. If the guy is just what I'm looking for, then it wouldn't matter if he had TEN kids. We would work it out. Some things in life are just worth the trouble. However, I have yet to find someone who meets any such standards unfortunately. It's not that I have HIGH standards perse, but I'm tired of the games and the emotional roller coaster. I want someone grounded now. Someone who has a good head on their shoulders and has at least most of the qualities that I can not live without.
As for me having my own children, yes it does scare off some potential suitors, but they are the kind of men I would not want to associate myself with anyway. If someone loves you, REALLY loves you, the packages that come with you are just a bonus.

[sfalexi]

From someone who DOESN"T have children, I personally would be wary of dating someone that does. Of course that's also because I just turned 22 and don't feel that I want the responsibility of children on me at this age. ESPECIALLY if they're not my own. When I get older, am set in a career and if I'm not seeing anyone seriously, children would be less of an obstacle because I feel that should I truly love that woman, I know I can support her and her family. As of now, I can't. And quite frankly, I'm not in the LTR searching mode (which many people that have kids are looking for to begin with.)

Rod Steele

[GBRaul]

I wouldn't really want to date someone who has her own children unless her children can really treat me like their father, and like alexi I would want to have a steady flow of cash first. Also, I've seen a few cases of mother loves father but kids who were from previous father hate current father and that sorta scares me.

[jslaughter]

I have dated someone with children before and I think that whether I not I do it again depends on the relationship the man has with his ex. I know that sounds silly but if you are dating someone with kids and the ex is a psycho who wants to use the kids to control her ex-husband then it's a train wreck. The child becomes merely a pawn and I feel helpless and angry.

[kanzaki]

painfull, but it depends on weather it is a long term or a short term. And most importantly, are what do u think about it. If ur ok, then it's ok