I am looking for a man's perspective...

[sure hearted]

Guys... How is a girl to know if you are just finished with the chase when you pull away, or are you starting to feel the fear of a serious relationship. And, how long does it take 'you' to decide a relationship is worth the risk of moving forward?

[moeburn]

Most guys that "pull away" after "chasing" (flirting?) are simply suprised at themselves, something along the lines of "Holy shit, that worked? WTF do i do now?".

[Jenrick285]

Or there's another girl that catches their eye.
I think you would know if you would want be with a girl if you met them, but I guess it would depend on how you two carried it on

[sure hearted]

OK GUYS... take me to the next level. So... when you date someone exclusively for two months and your gut starts to tell you something has changed... and then you talk - he tells you everything is good - too good. And that he cannot explain how he feels except to say he is feeling out of balance. All I can tell you, is that when he started backing up, I gracefully bowed out. Although I am sure, that is not what he wanted or expected - he seemed shocked when I said goodbye. We are both 40+ and my future is now, I choose to not be miserable while a 43 yr old man tries to figure out if he believes in himself enough to believe in me/us. I go with my gut - he is the first man in 2 yrs to make me stand still. And the time I spent getting to know him only confirmed my intuition that there was plenty there to invest my heart. I have drawn the line in the sand, all I can do now is wait and see if he feels the same pain of seperation that I feel. I do not believe in game playing to get a man, that is a foolish option. I want him to choose to be with me... rather than hang in there. This wounded heart hopes that his retreat to solitude or back into independence will leave a void. And that somewhere in his quiet thoughts, his feelings for me will over ride any fears and allow him to reach out to embrace the itimacy that we once shared. Did I pull the trigger too soon - before he had a chance to become emotionally vested and want to come back for me? Only 'he' knows. Backing him into a corner by asking him not to call, was not a strategic move to manipulate him. But rather an opportunity to let him know that to 'visit' my life is not an option. So, as I sit here wondering if he will call, I face my own fears and know that the most valuable growth in my life usually came with some pain.

[Illusional]

hahaha... if you're still interested in a guy is he's done chasing you, then maybe you should let go. also if you feel that a guy is questioning the relationship, maybe you should date someone older.

raverboy

[Jenrick285]

I'd say it depends on how you phrased the goodbye...
Good bye as in, "Good bye! Jump off a cliff!"
or good bye as in "Good bye, when you're done searching for what you seek, call me and we'll do lunch or something"
Of course it also kinda really depends on what he meant by "good - too good" and the if he believes in himself stuff...

[Clifton]

if hes 43 and single, and unsure of the relationship hes in, its very simple, hes immature: he has no idea what he needs or wants, at this age its sad, but theres no reason for you to waste your time on such a person, because YOU do realize whats coming around the corner and id suggest moving past it and going on with your life without him.

[Illusional]

43?? damn that is old.

raverboy

[TheRealPsiPhi]

Okay. I'm kind of in the same boat as you.

At my young age I've had my heartbroken more times than I think it should have been. I started to date girls without really thinking about falling in love. I said to myself, "Why set yourself up for the fall? **** it." I told lots of girl I would never love them, no matter how much they loved me. So I sort-of decided even before I started dating them if I would become emotionally attached or not. Or course I did find a girl that I loved very much. She had been trying to get with me for four years and I didn't want to hurt her cause I cared about her as a friend far too much. I told her the same story for more than a year until I finally found that I was deeply in love with her and couldn't be happier.

Anyway, recently we had a falling out. Just lots of pressure between college, jobs, friends, and the relationship. She said she didn't feel the same. Really, I don't know what that means. She's kinda having problems besides the things with me.

What I suggest you do? Give him some space. Let him think about what is going on with his life. If you're serious about him and truly love him, let him work it out. In the mean time keep yourself busy. Go out a little. Meet some new guys. You don't have to really **** them or anything. Rebounds are not a good idea if you want to get him back. After a month or so give him a call and see how things are going. Keep the conversation light and don't bring up anything. Let him come out with it. It's best to not push these matters.

Really, if he isn't ready, he isn't ready. There is nothing you can change. Space and time will fix that. Don't dwell on it too much. If it's ment to be, things will happen.