Sowing my wild oats...

[heyimdro]

This ended up being longer than I intended, but the last paragraph pretty much summarizes it.

I just embarked upon a 'semester' of traveling and activities with my sister, leaving my girlfriend behind, but also not planning to go back. It's better than it sounds, I needed to leave where I was living because I was unhappy and unstimulated there. Our relationship, however, was fantastic. We had rough times, as all do, but we had a very healthy, balanced relationship overall.

She was the 2nd serious girlfriend I've had, and the 4th girl I've ever slept with. Part of our hard times were caused by me wanting to initiate an open relationship period for some time that we were apart--3 weeks, then together for 4, then apart for 4, then 2 months before I moved.

I don't know why I'm so obsessed with feeling like I need to experience sleeping around with a bunch of girls, but I really do. I know it's going to be meaningless in the end, but I keep thinking it's something that I have to do, so that when I'm older I won't look back and regret not having done it, and so that If I do end up getting married it won't interfere at that point.

My parents were separated and divorced when I was 5 and 8 respectively, and I think this often plays into my thinking that I have to find the right person and know that it will last. Obviously there is no way to know for certain, but I think that there are ways to increase probability, and I feel like the above issue is one of them.

Anyways, we've already planned one visit in a few weeks, and have speculated about a couple more to take place over the next several months. I was really hoping to get some of my urge to sleep around out of my system, but so far it hasn't come close to happening. It's somewhat difficult because I'm with my sister, but to be honest I haven't put forth much effort. Now I feel like, Okay, we're gonna see each other in a couple weeks, she'll be crushed if I sleep with anyone between now and then, and vice versa, so maybe I should just hold out on trying. As of now we haven't agreed to be exclusive, but as my sister pointed out, as much as we're talking to and thinking about each other, we're not really "broken up", but rather have sort of unintentionally entered a long distance relationship, which is something I have no desire to participate in.

Basically it comes down to this: I may want to be with this girl forever, but I feel so strongly that I need to experience being with other girls before I'm ready to commit to that (with her or with anyone). At the same time, it's incredibly difficult to do that while staying in communication with the current girl, and it's also a gamble (and maybe pretty inconsiderate?) to think that I can go off and explore my options and that she'll be there waiting for me when I'm done (if I don't find something better).

What're some of my best and most realistic options?

[Bokonon]

Regret is a part of life no matter what. It's there whether or not you allow it to control you. If you think you may want to be with this girl forever, your choices are a) cheat on her and regret doing her wrong and hurting her and possibly regret losing the girl you may have been with forever, or b) do not cheat on her and regret that you haven't had sex with more women during your life. While you spend the rest of it with your ideal partner.

I would choose b, personally. If it gets difficult being horny, take care of it yourself.

[heyimdro]

It wouldn't be cheating on her beacuse we're not exclusive at this point. She is just as entitled (and probably more likely) to be involved with others at this point. I guess I'm more looking for answers as to why something that I know will be somewhat meaningless in the longrun feels so important to me right now?

[Bokonon]

I just think of it as cheating because you acknowledged you would both feel bad about it. It may not be cheating in the "legal" sense, but it would be cheating in your heart and in hers.

I think it seems so important because of testosterone. I think that's definitely a sad and unsatisfying answer, but I think it's also true.

[starbuck]

Basically it comes down to this: I may want to be with this girl forever, but I feel so strongly that I need to experience being with other girls before I'm ready to commit to that (with her or with anyone). At the same time, it's incredibly difficult to do that while staying in communication with the current girl, and it's also a gamble (and maybe pretty inconsiderate?) to think that I can go off and explore my options and that she'll be there waiting for me when I'm done (if I don't find something better).

What're some of my best and most realistic options?

The part of your statement that I bolded makes me think you should get this out of your system and not commit to your girlfriend right now. No, she probably won't be waiting for you, but you have already voiced the expectation that you may "find someone better." Maybe you know deep down inside that she's not the one for you?

You're obviously not ready to commit. You sound like you're trying to make excuses for it. You know what? You don't have to. I'm assuming that you're pretty young. Why would you want to commit at such a young age? Sure your girlfriend may be hurt, but she will go through bigger heartbreak if you don't get this out of your system.