Was I too harsh? ='(

[Digit]

I technically DID dump my boyfriend before he said this. However, I told him we couldn't even be friends anymore either, and that I hated him, and never wanted to speak to him.

What does this sound like to you? That he has no desire to help himself? I didn't even mention that he should get a job or anything...

Me: "i'm not saying all that to make you feel bad or make you change because of me. I want you to do it for yourself. Be the best you can be, or something like that lol"

Him: "I don't know, I don't think about stuff like that when I look for a relationship, I don't care how much the person makes, as long as they have a job, I mean if this game developement or programming career doesn't work out then I am probably going to end up working at shop rite or something idk, I hope it works but I don't know. I don't plan on leeching off of someone but I don't know if I am going to have a great job or not."

Me: "i just mentioned started a game project because you're gonna need it if you want to get a good game developer job of some kind. that was just basic career advice that i thought would probably help"

Him: "I look for that too, but it just seems like you or your parents are more worried more about money and that who I am doesn't mean anything, I know you meant the game project as advice but atm I don't know enough to do anything like that. I mean I tried using game maker to kind of practice my creativity but never got to really get into it. I mean I know I get depressed easily but I have a low self esteem, it was improving and I think I was getting depressed less often, and I really don't think I was depressed that often with you, aside from a few things that I think I should have been sad about I usually felt better in a day or 2 and I don't think I got depressed that often. I of course would try not to get upset about stupid things but it just seems like I am suppose to be perfect and never be sad."

After that, I said this...

Me: "Meh, i guess you never loved me enough that you would even take my advice on this stuff. I mean seriously, does anything i said sound like it would hurt you if you tried??????????????? Does finding things that would help you succeed and working harder so you can stop being depressed and improve your self esteem sound like such a bad thing?????????? I probably even care more about you than you care about yourself!!!!!! I mean I am seriously pissed off about this. I'm not even that tired all the time, it's just been a long week for me. I've been completely happy with my life ever since i decided that i want to help myself by finding happiness through success (and i don't mean money, just being the best i can be and wanting to be a game developer). You know what????? You know freaking crap butt what???????????? I don't even want to be friends with you anymore!!!! Find someone other sorry girl to absorb their energy and make them as depressed as you, AND EVEN MORE!!!! You think you care about me, but you don't care enough to screw all those online relationship tests and us compatible with one another. I did love you 5 minutes ago, but not anymore. Now I HATE you, and everyone you know can say that I'm a total bitch, but you know what? I don't care either, just like you. Now I'm FREE!!!!!!!!!! I'm finally free to continue with my life without feeling like I'm chained to some relationship shackles. GOOD FREAKING BYE AND YES, I'M REMOVING YOU FROM AIM!!!!!!!!!!! You wanna email me through okc, then fine, but i'm not replying back."

"relationships suck anyway. I wasn't happy at all. I loved being single, and I'm glad I can enjoy it once again. If you're not even motivated to do the most FUN parts of game development (game design, storytelling, music, etc) then you're more than likely won't make it in this career if you don't get your act together. And i say this for your own good, it's not easy. They don't care if you got school or another job to do, they want to see that you can do it. They want to see a working demo of what you can do. Meh why am I still talking? Anyways, bye forever."

"One more thing. Being in the game industry doesn't pay that much at all. You get paid a lot more just working on business applications than making games. So believe me, I don't care about the money. =P Google the salaries if you don't believe me. Now I will finally cease talking to you. BYE!"

Sorry for the wall of text =P

[Reaper33]

Wow, you were kinda' a bitch. Sorry, but that's what I saw. Sure, he's depressed. So you work through it! Trust me, I have depression, heh. Yelling at him is just going to make him worse and worse. "I loved you 5 minutes ago, but now I HATE you"? Seriously? I think both of you need to apologize to each other and talk things out.

Oh, and don't blame him for being depressed or angry if you do start talking to him again. I would be angry too if you came back after that stunt.

Just talk with him. I think you care about each other, you just need to find mid-ground

[vashti]

Your ex was going nowhere. That may not seem like a big deal to a teenager, but to an adult, his lack of motivation, untreated depression, and continual whining & neediness is a GIGANTIC red flag. I don't know that I would have said things exactly like you did, but overall, I don't really have a problem with it. He needs to understand that in the real world, people will be alienated by his under-achieving personality... it may motivate him to get it together.

Now, forget about him and move on in your life.

[ransom_nite]

wow that sounds veryy veryy immature, i mean how can you just turn off loving someone within 5 minutes? you say if he really loved you he would help himself etc etc but if you really loved him wouldnt you try and help him through his depression? i mean i know lack of motivation and goals in life arent a good personality trait but that could change and i wouldnt break up with someone just because they didnt know where they were heading in life, maybe thats just me...

[Digit]

I didn't break up with him because he wasn't sure what he was going to do in life. It just sounded like he had no desire to do well in life at all. His lack of ambition wasn't even the reason I dumped him in the first place.

I didn't even mention he should get a job or anything. I just said he could start a project since employeers like seeing a project and he is working on getting his game design degree. I just said he could at least do the non-technical stuff since he's still learning the technical stuff, and that it's better than sitting around the house all day. But he was like, "nooooo."

Another thing that scares me is that he said he would probably just work at shop rite if it doesn't work out, and that "even though he doesn't plan on leeching off someone, he doesn't know if he's gonna get a good job or not."

I guess it just scares me because my family keeps warning me that I'll end up supporting him for the rest of his life. I mean, even if his game career doesn't work out, he could always try another career, but it doesn't seem like he meant that. It looked more like he was gonna give up, that he was just gonna work at shop rite and that's it. Maybe he didn't mean it that way, but I'm not sure.

And I never go off on him about being depressed, I always try to be the nicest I can when he is. He always mentions he's depressed, so I try to be nice whenever I can. However, it just seemed like one big fat excuse to not get off the couch and do something. That's just how I saw it, but maybe I was harsh. I really dunno...

[vashti]

I concur with your family. This is an inherent personality flaw. It's going to take a miracle to motivate him. Also, he has given himself permission to work at Shop Rite. I would expect this to become a reality. (Not that there is anything necessarily *wrong* with that, but certainly he will be in no position to ever help you raise a family, if that is in your long-term goals.)

[ransom_nite]

I didn't break up with him because he wasn't sure what he was going to do in life. It just sounded like he had no desire to do well in life at all. His lack of ambition wasn't even the reason I dumped him in the first place.

I didn't even mention he should get a job or anything. I just said he could start a project since employeers like seeing a project and he is working on getting his game design degree. I just said he could at least do the non-technical stuff since he's still learning the technical stuff, and that it's better than sitting around the house all day. But he was like, "nooooo."

Another thing that scares me is that he said he would probably just work at shop rite if it doesn't work out, and that "even though he doesn't plan on leeching off someone, he doesn't know if he's gonna get a good job or not."

I guess it just scares me because my family keeps warning me that I'll end up supporting him for the rest of his life. I mean, even if his game career doesn't work out, he could always try another career, but it doesn't seem like he meant that. It looked more like he was gonna give up, that he was just gonna work at shop rite and that's it. Maybe he didn't mean it that way, but I'm not sure.

And I never go off on him about being depressed, I always try to be the nicest I can when he is. He always mentions he's depressed, so I try to be nice whenever I can. However, it just seemed like one big fat excuse to not get off the couch and do something. That's just how I saw it, but maybe I was harsh. I really dunno...

well that better explains it, look maybe things just werent meant to work out for you two, i still think it was a lil harsh how you ended things but if you think it needed to be done than obviously thats was your choice. now time too move on

[doppelgaenger]

Let him wallow in self pity.

Instead of telling him you hate him (that was a ****in' lie) you should have told him that he is a whiny baby and you don't want anything to do with him. That's not going to help him as much as you could have.

Oh well though, not your problem.

[Digit]

Okay, I know I should forget about him, and I actually do want to, but I still feel REALLY bad about what I said. I mean, I never knew I could be so mean. ='(

I keep sending him emails telling him I'm sorry about what I said. I even linked this thread to the email, so hopefully it could help him understand why I was so mad. However, he's not replying back. Also, he removed me from his YouTube friends list thing and blocked me, and also removed every video from his favorites that relates to me. So obviously, he's very upset, and well, I don't blame him =P

But I really feel bad about it and I've been thinking of visiting him at school tomorrow after his class, so I can say that I'm sorry in person. I still don't think we should see each other for a while, though. I'm still mad about all the stuff he said before, but I feel REALLY bad about reacting like the way I did, and I don't think I could forget about this until he understands how sorry I am.

What do you think? Good idea? Bad idea? Meh, don't matter?

[vashti]

I think you should just let it go.

[white_rose]

I concur, just let it go.

You'll be better for it.

I was with a demotivated guy for 2.5 years. He drained me physically, financially and emotionally. Trust me its better to quit while your still ahead.