He says he still loves me but doesn't fancy me anymore ?

[AlyP]

I first got together with my boyfriend 5 years ago. For the first 3 years it was mainly a sexual relationship and was very on and off , always on his terms with him messing me about a lot and sometimes not seeing each other for months. I always knew/thought he had a commitment phobia .

2 years ago , after a couple of months apart we started seeing each other regularly and became girlfriend/boyfrind ( BTW I am 41 and he is 34). Everything was great and we enjoyed spending time together and had a great sex life. We never made "love" it was always rauncy hot sex.

Problems began ( I think ) when he started to fall in love with me. As time has gone on he has become less and less interested in me sexually.He showed no interest in me sexually and I began to think he was avoiding being sexually intimate with me although he still loved me cuddling up to him in bed. I tried buying sexy lingerie, watching porn together but it got to the stage where he either lost his erection half way through or couldn't finish.

After months of me questioning him , he has finally admitted that sex with me doesn't feel right anymore, he doesn't fancy me anymore or even like kissing me. On discussing the inevitable of splitting up, he broke down sobbing saying he didn't want to be without me and still loved me.

We are now in a situation where we have supposedly split up but we are still seeing each other, sharing a bed with lots of cuddles but no sex.

Please help, what's going on in his head ?

Bit of background info - although I am 7 years older than him, I dont look my age, have a nice figire and am told by many people i'm attractive and sexy.
Not sure if this is relevant but he grew up without his mum (she died when he was 9) and his dad died when he was in his late20's

[Mathias]

[URL="http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/068987474X"]HJNTIY[/URL]

Hope that helps.

[AlyP]

Although he's just not that into me sexually, he still wants to see me and contact me as much as he used to. He hasn't told anyone that we've split up and seems to be doing nothing to move on.

If he doesn't want sex with me, what does he want ?

[Mathias]

Although he's just not that into me sexually, he still wants to see me and contact me as much as he used to. He hasn't told anyone that we've split up and seems to be doing nothing to move on.

If he doesn't want sex with me, what does he want ?

It's comfortable. It's what he knows, and is afraid to change it.

[Devilsbane]

I feel this way about a girl. The last year we were together was basically no sex, a little kissing, and pretty common cuddling. She ended up cheating on me and I broke up with her. It's been a year now, I still love her as a person and up until recently was very close friends. She wanted to get back together, I didn't. I just don't feel that way anymore. Probably because I had met another girl while we were broken up that I still think is my one.

we had a great friendship, I just don't think we are destined to be together. I still have the engagement ring I bought 19 months ago but never gave. She is now out of my life. I couldn't move on to a new girl (and actually I want back the girl I dated when we broke up. But her and I split up because I refused to give up my good friend.)

Probably not the news you wanted to hear. I'd be there for her, but I can't.

[AlyP]

Mathias

I'm sure you were trying to help but I don't think you are understandung the situation.

I spent 3 years on and off with before we started a proper relationship and would quite agree that then it was a case of HJNIY.

These problems started when we started a proper relationship and he fell in love with me !

[Simple Love]

This happens a lot...Many guys get comfortable with the relationship...So comfortable that they lose interest sexually with their partner...I would suggest taking a bit of a break as it might ignite some fire...

[Cerby]

This happens a lot...Many guys get comfortable with the relationship...So comfortable that they lose interest sexually with their partner...I would suggest taking a bit of a break as it might ignite some fire...

OP is in her early 40s - I personally would just move on, go out and find yourself another young stud looking for both sex AND a relationship. This guy seems to want one or the other, but not both. He is comfortable with the lifestyle, but no longer finds you attractive.

Cut him off and move on, you won't re-ignite this fire.