Unrequited love - yes or no?

[Harpoon]

After two years of working with a great lady who is divorced, I recently discovered that she is dating someone. Because she had once mentioned her divorce was "devastating" I had assumed she was in a non-dating mode for an extended period. Wrong. So, I almost had a heart attack when I found out she was seeing someone and realized that I loved her very deeply. I always knew it deep down, but this really brought it to the surface. After talking it over with some friends about my feelings for her they advised, "You should let her know how you feel. You owe it to yourself and her."

So, at an opportune time, I let her know I loved her by having her read a beautiful love letter I wrote to her. After finishing the letter, the first word out of her mouth was "Wow." OK, I thought... that's not bad.

Next she said, "I don't know what to say. I'm very flattered. I've never gotten a letter like this before in my entire life. It's beautiful." She put the letter back in its envelope, set it on her lap, and seemed to be gently stroking it with both hands during the rest of our conversation.

I asked her how she felt about me.

She said, "I've always regarded you as a great co-worker and good friend, but I had no idea you felt this way. You do realize that I'm in a relationship with someone right now?"

"Yes," I said.

She said, "He's the type of man I thought I'd never be interested in."

I've really puzzled over this statement and can only take it that he is rather blue collar and while not stupid, isn't as sophisticated or as intelligent as she is.

I asked how long the relationship has been going on and she said, "Several months." (I speculate about four to six months).

I asked her how serious the relationship was. She said, "Jim's a good friend."

"Do you consider him your boyfriend?"

"We're working on it." (Keep in mind she is divorced - her ex cheated on her and I think she's got some trust issues with men.)

I then reiterated what the letter said. "I don't intend this revelation to disrupt your personal life or make you uncomfortable in our working relationship (a huge understatement), but I had to get it off my chest." She said she understood.

In parting, I reached out, took her right hand, and gently kissed it. I think that shocked her as much as the letter. I don't think she's ever been romanced in a courtly fashion before. Yes, I really, really love her.

The next day things were a little awkward between us. When I got her aside I asked her, "Are we OK?" She said yes, that she felt somewhat uncomfortable around me and that it was probably a good thing that I was going on a business trip for a week so we could both think things over.

Later that day, before I left work I got an e-mail from her in which she told me to have a good trip, knew I would do a good job, and then she wrote:

"I hope when you get back we can maintain our professional relationship. I can't promise you anything more than that."

And yes, after getting back we have maintained a professional relationship. We continue to sometimes have lunch together and the conversation is always light or work-related. However, there is something we have never discussed again: My feelings for her.

My friends have told me repeatedly, "Don't bring it up to her again. The ball is in her court now. If you mention it she may feel like she's being pressured to choose between you and Jim and then you may loose her forever."

So, I ask you all: Has she politely told me "No, there is no chance between us" or has she intimated in her e-mail that "I can't promise you anything more than that" means that she's working out some issues at the moment and there is a possibility that the door may be open some day if things don't work out between her and Jim? I get the distinct impression she is not in love with this man. But a friend who lives in her neighborhood said that Jim's pickup truck is almost always parked in her driveway every Friday and Saturday night all night long so they are obviously sleeping together a couple of nights a week.

One of my friends thinks she is open to the idea of getting to know me better outside of work if things with Jim don't work out. The other thinks she gave me a polite kiss-off, but doesn't want to lose my skills at work because if we went into a full blown relationship, I'd have to find work elsewhere. Both of these friends are female, by the way. A few other friends tell me to not loose hope. I got her attention, now I just need to be patient and wait for her next move.

I've noticed her behavior has changed slightly since I told her how I feel. Before I said anything, I noticed that she would often be text message with someone. I always assumed it was her sister who she is very close with. In retrospect I realize it was probably the "boyfriend" she was frequently texting.

Now however, her text messaging has changed patterns. She keeps her phone off when I'm around and once, during a meeting break, I noticed her slipping into an empty office just as she was taking her phone out of her pocket.

One friends seem to think she doesn't want to communicate with the BF by texting him when I'm around because it would feel like "cheating" on him. Another friend thinks she's trying to spare my feelings by not texting him back, knowing it would bother me if I suspected she was communicating with my "rival" (whom I've never laid eyes on, by the way).

Anyway... I'd love to hear your opinions and advice. Thanks for reading and sorry for the length.

- Harp