Ex contacts me after 3 months of NC, how do I get her back?

[brendanahlers]

Hi everyone! Let me get started by explaining what happened with the relationship. My ex and I dated for a little over a year and everything was perfect up until about 2-3 months before the break up. She started to lose attraction; not physical, but emotional attraction. At the time, I had no idea why this was happening and thought I had done nothing wrong. I treated her the best way I knew how and gave her everything I had. I couldn't understand why she was pulling away. The more I realized she was pulling away, the more I pushed, resulting in her pulling more. Well, it took me about 2 months, but I finally figured out what I did to kill the relationship. I have been doing a lot of research and have found that insecurity, Jealousy, and "clinginess" are some of the biggest relationship killers out there, and sure enough I was guilty of all three. The timing of when I became guilty of these things and when she started pulling away matches perfectly.

Anyways, she broke up with me and I was completely devastated. It didn't help when I found out that she started dating another guy only 3 weeks after the break up. Throughout their relationship, we had no contact whatsoever. It was extremely hard to do, but I managed to stay away from her the whole time. Luckily for me, it just so happens that they recently broke up (he broke it off). Now she is the devastated one.

A few days ago, she texted me with a little inside joke from back when we were dating. We texted here and there for a couple days and then I ended the conversation, thinking it was best to keep her wanting more. Now, I want to try and Get Her Back, but I don't know how to go about doing this. I have learned that I will probably need a disqualifier to make her think she can't have me, but what can I use besides saying I have a girlfriend? Also, should I ask her to meet up for lunch or coffee or something? If so, what kind of conversation and Body Language should I be using?

Anything helps!

Thanks

[TheCafeTerrace]

Don't play games or lie to her, if you want to meet just ask her if she wants a coffee. Keep conversation light-hearted, but not too small-talky. As for body language, don't think about that at all otherwise it'll seem contrived.

Oh, and tell her how great she looks as soon as you see her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

So now she wants to come back after her fling.

She is using you. Be super direct with her. Ask if she wants to come over to your place. If she says no, then just tell her you don't think you two should speak anymore. That shows her that she can't have you unless she plays by your rules, much better than making up some garbage about having a girlfriend that she'll probably see right through. You should mention that you've dated some but nothing serious, and don't expand. Anyway, if she does come over and won't sleep with you or give you head at least, and talks about taking it slow or some nonsense, same thing..tell her you don't think the two of you should speak anymore. Showing her that you're fine without her and aren't afraid of losing her, is what will make her interested and show her that you're over your clinginess. You just gotta show balls really, which you admittedly haven't done, to date.

[TheCafeTerrace]

Bollocks, there's a difference between showing balls and being a dick (sorry about the multiple genital references). Letting her know you won't talk to her again unless she gives you a blowjob doesn't make you look like you've got over your clinginess, it just makes you seem like a twat.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I'm just saying to use it as a gauge of how interested she really is. I think she needs an ego boost after getting dumped, and seeing that this sap is still pussy whipped over her might be enough. Don't forget, this chick dropped him for another dude, and now is coming back trying to play nice just because she got dumped. It's not like she decided to break up with her her new b/f because she realized she still loves the OP here.

[TheCafeTerrace]

Maybe, but whether or not you get a blowjob is a bad way to judge how interested she is. I would suggest just going for coffee and enjoying her company, if you enjoy her company then spend more time with her, if you want to flirt with her, flirt with her, if you end up making the beast with two backs so be it. Don't go into it with the old "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" gameplan, or thinking that if she doesn't **** you you should kick her to the curb. Relax and be honest. You're meant to enjoy dates, it's not necessarily just a means to an end.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

This isn't the type of girl that deserves respect. She's going to crush the OP again as soon as a newer, shinier object comes along, and she's proven it. She clearly won't be keen if the OP is his typical nice guy self. It doesn't really affect me one way or the other, so I don't care what the OP. I will say that I'm going to be lmao if he acts like her bitch and gets dropped again or gets the old, lets be friends line.