I'm not entirely sure the purpose of this, but I want her back!

[tankparksalute]

I was in a relationship with an exchange student for around a year. The first six months I lived with her in student accommodation in Wales. Then she moved back to Colorado. We did the whole Skype, MSN, phonecalls thing for six months. Then, at Christmas, I flew out to visit her. We had an incredible time, and when people ask me about it, even now, I say that.

About two weeks after I got back, she called me and told me that she needed some time to think about stuff and that there was a "strong possibility that we were going to have to break up". When I pressed her on it, she said "well, maybe not break up, but have a break". So a couple days later, she calls me again and says that she's going skiing with some friends. I figure this would be a good time to start the "break" so I told her that I wouldn't contact her the whole time that she was skiing.

That backfired after the first night and I called her and left a pretty pathetic, needy message on her answerphone. So, cut a long story short, the end of the week came, and she text me to say that she would like to talk to me. She told me that she "needed us not to be dating anymore".

It came as a bit of a shock, but I had seen it coming even before Christmas. (The trip was amazing, but our interactions were occasionally awkward. I put it down to the distance/time thing.) I was pretty cool about the break up. She gave me a bunch of reasons why, the most pertinent two of which are, that she didn't want to marry me, and that she had a crush on one of her friends.

So I accepted that, I wrote her a letter saying as much and that I appreciated the lessons I had learned from her (she was my first girlfriend) and that I would like to keep her as a friend. This was on the advice of an internet relationship person by the name of T-Dub Jackson.

The letter took a while to arrive and the day after, I found out that she hurt herself quite badly while skiing. In an act of desperation, I had soup delivered to her, as a token to the fact that I couldn't be there to make soup for her in person. I figured it would be a nice thing to do. However, she took it completely the wrong way and accused me of doing it to try and manipulate her (something she accused me of, and I was guilty of, when breaking up). In the email she said that she and her friend are now dating and that she "really really likes him".

I replied to that email saying, truthfully, that the soup had been an act of kindness, and was in no way intended to change her mind, or manipulate her. She replied saying thank you, but that nothing I could say or do could reverse the situation.

Since then (around 4th February) we haven't interacted before. On the advice of another internet person, George Karanastasis, I have made the decision to not contact her, and wait for her to contact me. Since she said that she felt trapped by our situation, and that she didn't want to feel that she had to fit her life around someone else's (I was planning to move out there upon finishing my degree in July 2010), and that now that's not a problem anymore, she feels very happy and at ease.

What troubles me, and also fills me with hope is a letter that I received from her which was written the day I left, and that I got during the week that she was away. In it she said that she initially felt "confident that it would be easier this time, but that now she thinks that it's going to be harder as she falls deeper and deeper in love with me". I really can't see how she can write something like that one week and then come back a couple weeks later and say "It's over, it's not working".

I would appreciate your thoughts on the potential for reunion. I feel confident, I just appreciate that this situation really hurts right now. Especially as I asked her if she was breaking up with me just to try this other guy, and she said no, and then two weeks later they're dating. But from the remorse that she showed while breaking up, and the way that I could tell that it made her feel, I feel like, when I go out there, which I still plan to do, NOT for her, that we could make something work.

So I apologise for this being so long, but I wanted to give you plenty of background, and I would greatly appreciate any feedback or advice anyone may have.

Thanks.

[Cain]

I think moving anywhere near her would be a major mistake. She has said that there is nothing you can do to reverse the situation and it's so blatantly obvious that you aren't over her. Why would you want to move somewhere close to her?

[tankparksalute]

I want to move out there because I have always planned to live there. It was pure serendipity that we met.

The reason that I think that it will work is that she REALLY didn't want to finish, and that it's just an infatuation with this guy. She was scared to be alone again. I really think that this is the case, and that she is saying things to justify the break up to herself. I'm not over her, I accept that I'm not over her, and I plan to live my life, with some one else if necessary, and never be over her. She had to much of an impact on my life for me to be over her. But I couldn't handle being friends with her.

[Cain]

You'll get over her. Trust me.

How do you know this is infatuation? How do you know that what she had with you wasn't infatuation?

And really? You wanted to move to Colorado before you met her? Are you planning on living in the same city?

[tankparksalute]

I've wanted to move to the mid-West US for the last five or six years. She moved my plans forward a few years, but it was in my plan.

She felt like I was moving out there for her. I assured her that wasn't the case and that I had planned to move there.

As for the same city, that might happen, but she was planning to move to Washington state, or somewhere in the north west. She's at college until December at CSU in Fort Collins, I am planning to do a teaching Masters at Denver or Colorado Springs.

As far as the infatuation, I know that she wasn't infatuated with me. She was in love with me. For at least eight months of the relationship, she was in love with me. We were in love. We are still in love. We can still be in love.

I know that saying that could be a sign of denial, BUT, I'm past denial. I am definitely past denial!

[Cain]

I've wanted to move to the mid-West US for the last five or six years. She moved my plans forward a few years, but it was in my plan.

She felt like I was moving out there for her. I assured her that wasn't the case and that I had planned to move there.

As for the same city, that might happen, but she was planning to move to Washington state, or somewhere in the north west. She's at college until December at CSU in Fort Collins, I am planning to do a teaching Masters at Denver or Colorado Springs.

As far as the infatuation, I know that she wasn't infatuated with me. She was in love with me. For at least eight months of the relationship, she was in love with me. We were in love. We are still in love. We can still be in love.

I know that saying that could be a sign of denial, BUT, I'm past denial. I am definitely past denial!

You're in denial that you're in denial.

Look, if she was in love with you then she would be with you. She's not. She left you. She's with someone else. She told you not to move near her and that you would never be together again. Does that really sound to you like someone that is in love with you?

[carl1222]

She has a new boyfriend ... what part of that don't you understand? What does she have to do? Send you sex videos of them together???

Carl.