I'm an okay, average looking guy (actually maybe not, people have told me that I'm a good looking guy, above average, etc, but for some reason I've never felt I am..)
The girl I've been strung up on for ages is absolutely gorgeous, both personality wise and looks wise. I have total "one"-itus with her. We've hooked up a couple times over the past couple of years and are now both in different colleges.
I think I've screwed things up with her by making her think (kind of correctly) that I don't have many options and that I'm way too into her (I am but I try to hide it).
I don't know where I'm going with this post and I know this stems from low self-esteem but GOD I'm so jealous of her...
What is it like to be so beautiful (like I said, personality and looks wise) that everyone takes notice of you??
I imagine her in college with guys always hitting on her, having the perfect social life, having guys better than me woo her, and it just seems to me, even if I have great self-esteem; how does someone get a girl like that to date you officially if you're not equally attractive and have the same effect on people?
She has so many options just off of her looks alone and it just kills me inside when I think of how many people must be going after her; it makes me feel like just another guy in the string of many.
I want her badly because she's such a great person (by the way I know I've been talking about her looks a ton but her personality is equally amazing and we have a lot in common), but we live far apart, and it's hard to suggest hanging out when it would look needy, as we live hours apart...
Honestly, I wish I could move onto other people, but call me shallow, I'm as infatuated with her personality as I am with her looks, and the girls who are into me all are less attractive to me both personality and looks wise to her, and if I dated them it would make me feel like I'm settling.
I compare every girl I meet to her, and the comparison always goes badly for that girl.
How am I ever going to find someone else just as good if I feel like I've lost the most amazing girl I could have? And the girls that are into me never measure up?
To end this post, I'm beginning to feel like women are so nice and so genuine seeming when you talk to them, but there are so many things you have to think about to avoid being clingy and to keep their attraction..it drives me crazy.