Relationship Problem

[shailap]

Hi,
I am from Mahrashtra state in India and DIL in traditional family.
I got married before 18 years. I have a daughter who is 16 now. I love my family.
I am primary school teacher . We are 4 teachers.
Few days back one new young teacher has joined. He is young and smart.
I felt that i am geting attracted towards him. I have gone with him for shopping for his mother. Sometimes i have done some changes in me as per his suggestions.
He stays near to our place. So we travel in same bus and he sits beside me. He is very talkative.
I started feeling something. I dont know what is this. I like to go out with him, sit with him in bus having lunch with him. And alos i dont understand what he is feeling about me.
This relation should not affect my marriage. Please help me.

Regards,
Shaila

[Judie]

Hi Shaila,

As you have mentioned, this relationship should not affect your marriage, then why let it? You sound like you are having some sort of exciting feeling towards him and like to spend time with him. Though it might not necessarily be anything sexual, but it could be if you let this grow. I'd suggest stay away from him, spend more time with your family. Your daughter need you and her family to be happy and successful. If you have someone whom you can trust, tell them about this and ask for their help to keep you away from him, as well. If not, focus on your family. You wouldn't like it if your family fall a part because of this.

[shailap]

Hi,
Thanks for reply.But i dont know how to avoid this. Because whenever i am outside home (for job) he is with me as we are working together. We have left early from job sometimes for his shopping. Sometimes i reached little late also whenever i was with him.
I invited him twice to my home when my husband was not there. Sometimes he suggested changes in me and i have done that which were not accepted by me family members. Please help.

Regards,
Shaila

[shailap]

Please reply

Regards,
Shaila

[YouAreBeautiful]

Hi Shalia. It sounds like you have feelings for him. And you don't want these to affect your relationship with your husband. i don't know what to say. It is hard to get rid of the feelings for someone who you spend so much time with. The only suggestion is finding a new job which is not really feasible. I would suggest just recognizing the relationship as hopefully just a crush. Enjoy the crush a little bit when your at work, just not too much. Put your husband first when you are with him or at home.

[shailap]

Can you pls tell me what is exactly meant by enjoyong crush, I mean how should i behave and how should i react?

[shicchan]

Honestly, I don't have this experience so I can't help you saying exactly what to do.
But I need to say that if you don't want to affect your marriage,
then do not try to go to him from you. I mean, don't do things like inviting him over to your house.
And to avoid being with him, why don't you start taking a different bus, maybe you could take an earlier bus or something.

[Zabrinah]

Hey,

I don't think you have to avoid him, because that could possibly have the opposite effect of what you want to happen. Instead, you need to see him as a regular person. The only reason you feel "attracted" to him, is that you see qualities in him that you like, and then you put him on a pedestal. Well, now it is time to bring him down a bit.

1. Remember that you can always find someone attractive without necessarily being attracted to them (like when you see pictures of celebrities you think are beautiful ...).

2. Try not to explicitly avoid him or put him down. INSTEAD, tell yourself you do not dislike him. That's right. You do not dislike the fellow. He is just like everyone else. Are there some people in your life that you forget to pay attention to sometimes. Like, when people bring them up, your mind kind of goes, "Who? Oh yeah!" That's what you are aiming for. You have no opinion for him one way or the other. You do not dislike him.

3. Acknowledge, accept, and allow. It is good that you have already acknowledged that you might have a problem. Now, instead of denying it or avoiding it, accept the circumstance. And then, allow your mind to drift away from it. Focus on more important and exciting stuff like your family, your children, your wonderful hobbies! There is so much in the world to concentrate on rather than a guy you do not dislike.


This is all a mind game. You have complete command over your feelings, I promise. I have been in this situation before and have conquered very easily with these steps!


Good luck!

***

Author of the blog: How NOT to Fall In Love

[shailap]

Hi
thanks a lot.
but i dont understand this. Last time we went for shopping in a mall for him.
That time first time in life i kept my hair open, as i know he likes open hair.
When i came out i was surprised. I never dared to do this.
Whenever i am with him, i am different
How to deal?

[Gratedwasabi]

Hi
thanks a lot.
but i dont understand this. Last time we went for shopping in a mall for him.
That time first time in life i kept my hair open, as i know he likes open hair.
When i came out i was surprised. I never dared to do this.
Whenever i am with him, i am different
How to deal?

Why are you going with him shopping? Stop. Even if you happen to catch the same bus sometimes, why are you going out of your way to spend time with him?

If you really want to be loyal to your family, then stop spending extra time with him and only do it when necessary; work and occasional busride (although you still aren't required to talk to him.)

It sounds like you enjoy the attention, which isn't unusual for someone that's been married a while, but nothing positive is going to come from it.

[Kama]

You seem to be attracted to him and you like him subconsuiously and allow him to change you the way you look and behave and this may lead to physical relation if you do not become proactive. He is fliriting with you and you are taking it easy.