Don't be under any illusion girls and boys

[ecojeanne]

Ok so i am angry and annoyed at myself. I met a guy. He told me i was the most amaaaaazzzing person he's ever met, i was the ideal person for him. He made me feel incredibly special, he told me sob stories that made me want to fix his life...to make him happy. That was to lure me in........i got lured, very soon (a month) he started insults, mind games and lies. My advice is everyone....if ever u meet a person who has a sob story and says ur amazing to the point of rediculous....Do NOT be taken in, they are most likely a narcissist and are copying the human behaviour until they dont get what they want: praise! then the lies and insults start.......I dont feel sorry for anybody who tells me a sob story after meeting them 5 mins anymore...im not going to taken in by that minipulation anymore. Don't let anyone treat u like crap...the moment that happens dump them! dont listen to the sob stories or the fake apologies...And infact if u can, cut off all contact completely because if they lured u before then they will try again and bear in mind they will be badmouthing u anyway so that they get the praise and confirmation from other people around them. Get RID!

[miSSleepy]

was he particularly charming and charismatic?

btw, good job on admitting to yourself what he is and moving away from him. many many don't.

[starbuck]

Hmmm, he sounds a little like my ex.

Told me stuff he thought I wanted to hear? Check. Gave me lots of sob stories? Check. Told me lies? Check. Insults? No, but there was a couple times he told me to stick my money up my a$$ because I told him he needed to try harder to get a job since I had been supporting him for 4 months.

Be happy you didn't any spend more time with this craptastic guy.

[zerozero.]

did he plow you

[ecojeanne]

whats plow? haha im pretty sure he did. he took advantage financially and emotionally. Ye he was and still is very charismatic. he's friends with my friends...i havent seen or heard from him since the break up...although i have made it impossible for him to contact me...ie facebook and bebo and msn IM are blocked. But i know now having written a 10page letter about the relationship what i was dealing with. i just had to warn everybody including the boys....just be very careful of people with sob stories and over the top movie type luv of my life comments very early into the relationship....i wont be duped again

[Cain]

whats plow? haha im pretty sure he did. he took advantage financially and emotionally. Ye he was and still is very charismatic. he's friends with my friends...i havent seen or heard from him since the break up...although i have made it impossible for him to contact me...ie facebook and bebo and msn IM are blocked. But i know now having written a 10page letter about the relationship what i was dealing with. i just had to warn everybody including the boys....just be very careful of people with sob stories and over the top movie type luv of my life comments very early into the relationship....i wont be duped again

Did he sex you up?

[starbuck]

One of the most important things to do to help combat being "taken in" by a man or woman is to ACTIVELY work on your self-esteem in order to make sure that something like this never happens again. It needs to be as important to you as taking care of your physical health. If you have healthy self esteem set in place, then your bullshit detector will ring the alarm much earlier and more loudly. If you don't take care of this, you'll be much more vulnerable to manipulators.

I wouldn't want anyone to feel sorry for me for falling for a loser type of guy. I know that I wasn't taking care of my mental/emotional health around the time that I met the sloth. I'm not saying I deserved what I got, but I do know that everything that happened I let happen.

[ecojeanne]

oh dear! u have partly made excuses for this guy...only slightly...i would imagine u were not to blame at all.....we're human and we try to explain everything but somethings are just as they are for no aparant reason...u get picked, what i experienced wasnt actually my fault....infact i was a very self confident self assured luved by friends and family before he came along. In the end i wasn't and infact i became completely confused and dazed.....There are parasites out there....thats all i'm saying and they use sad stories about their lives to gain sympathy and use as excuses for their behavior....oh the victimisation!!!!its like being a good driver and wham! u get hit by a drunk driver...is this ur fault???NO of course not!......dont listen to their sob stories...u may want to because ur human and its normal...but i'm telling u they have spotted ur weakness....being human! I have since regained my friends and family and looking back he was incredible at the minipulation and game playing and lies, he got jealous everytime anyone took my attention away from him.....another sob story and i was his again....ridiculous it may sound but it can happen to anyone and he had unbelievable sad stories to tell and how he was the hero to get out intact with such humility etc etc etc...puuulllllleeeeesssse......just be careful out there everyone

[misombra]

yeah. there are many little tricks like that you'll learn in your life.

one thing for me is reassurance. i'm not a big fan. every time somebody reassures me about something a big alarm goes off in my mind.

"you can trust me."
"i'm good with secrets."
"i won't let you down."
"i'm not bothered."

i just automatically get a sense that a lie is being told to me.

[starbuck]

oh dear! u have partly made excuses for this guy...only slightly...i would imagine u were not to blame at all.....we're human and we try to explain everything but somethings are just as they are for no aparant reason...u get picked, what i experienced wasnt actually my fault....infact i was a very self confident self assured luved by friends and family before he came along. In the end i wasn't and infact i became completely confused and dazed.....There are parasites out there....thats all i'm saying and they use sad stories about their lives to gain sympathy and use as excuses for their behavior....oh the victimisation!!!!its like being a good driver and wham! u get hit by a drunk driver...is this ur fault???NO of course not!......dont listen to their sob stories...u may want to because ur human and its normal...but i'm telling u they have spotted ur weakness....being human! I have since regained my friends and family and looking back he was incredible at the minipulation and game playing and lies, he got jealous everytime anyone took my attention away from him.....another sob story and i was his again....ridiculous it may sound but it can happen to anyone and he had unbelievable sad stories to tell and how he was the hero to get out intact with such humility etc etc etc...puuulllllleeeeesssse......just be careful out there everyone

I'm actually not making excuses for the guy at all. I just think there is a certain mindset a person can be in to make her/him more vulnerable to a manipulator. It cannot "happen to anyone." It happens to people who might not have their guard up enough.

I'm sorry, but you cannot compare dating a shifty guy/girl to being hit by a drunk driver. In the drunk driving case, it's obviously a completely random accident. In the case of dating a manipulator, you most likely allowed it to happen to a certain extent. (by being overly eager to believe lies out of low self esteem or loneliness).

Beating yourself up isn't productive. But failing to examine what lead you to be completely blindsided by the guy isn't either.

[ecojeanne]

i would advise u have a look at narcissistic personality disorder...this is definitely something we have no control over unfortunately...how do u think seemingly normal people get tricked by psycopaths? because they're extremely clever and minipulative....a drunk driver was the first analogy that came to mind....we have no control other than being aware to NOT fall for sob stories and extreme compliments...its easy to fall for these because like i said we're human and not made of stone and thats our weakness....we have a heart

[shh!]

Every time I see the title of this thread, I think "don't worry; no way will I ever be found under Illusional".

[Cain]

Every time I see the title of this thread, I think "don't worry; no way will I ever be found under Illusional".

I'm sure you're not the first (or last) woman to say that.

[ecojeanne]

btw starbuck sorry, i just re-read and i realised i sounded quite condescending, i didnt mean to, sorry

[starbuck]

i would advise u have a look at narcissistic personality disorder...this is definitely something we have no control over unfortunately...how do u think seemingly normal people get tricked by psycopaths? because they're extremely clever and minipulative....a drunk driver was the first analogy that came to mind....we have no control other than being aware to NOT fall for sob stories and extreme compliments...its easy to fall for these because like i said we're human and not made of stone and thats our weakness....we have a heart

I know what Narcissistic personality disorder is and it's not the only mental illness that causes behavior like this. There are many psychological problems at the core of liars and manipulators.

There are very good master manipulators out there to be sure. All I'm saying is that if you have healthy self-esteem set into place, your chances are alot better that you won't fall for these types. It's like a preventative measure against them.