Gah!!! Did I Blow it? Sorry, long post

[JerryG]

Hey,

So here is my situation. It seems like I found a site like this a little too late. By reading a lot of the stuff on here I'm really learning a lot into myself and my own issues regarding relationships. So here is my dillema:

There is this girls that I've been friends with for the past 2/3 years, and we mainly hung out in the summer. This past June, she broke up with her boyfriend in her first major relationship. It was also at this time that she revealed to one of my friends that she really liked me, but had just ended her first relationship so she wasn't ready for anything new. We started to hang out together a lot more at this time, and she told me that she felt it was important people be best friends first, to which I agreed.

After this, there were some instances in August where she would get drunk when we were out, and start holding my hand, and grabbing me to grind dancing with her, but not much else. At this point, I still assumed we were working on the bestfriends thing. She also revealed to her girlfriends that didn't know she could "feel this way about someone" so soon after her last boyfriend, and she wasn't ready and wanted to be right for me. So I took that things were developing well.

Fast foward to November, and this is when we have our first talk. She revealed to me that it was no secret that we liked each other, but she wasn't sure she was ready for a relationship yet, and she was scared about taking advantage and hurting me. I tried to reassure her that there I wouldn't let her taking advantage of me, and I understood she needed more time after the break-up. Later that night, she put the moves on me for the first time. The next weekend, both of us were really drunk at a club and made out infront of everyone for a majority of the night.

It is since then, we're I became confused. After these two weekends, its like we hit autopilot. We progressed to the stage where we would kiss each other on the cheek, but not much physicaly stuff happened. We'd see each other most weekends, and I suprised her with dinner and flowers once, but all this time I was waiting for her to be ready to get into a relationship. All this came to an end last Sunday when she gave me the I just want to be friends talk, and said she isn't looking to be anyone's girlfriend at the moment.

These last few days I've been going over what happened, and where I potentially went wrong. First, I think I was investing much more emotionally into the relationship then she was. I was always worrying about what was going to happen next and what I was should do. I tried to do nice things for her often (nothing of great monetary value), just like burning CDs for her sometimes, or get lending her a travel pillow she could take on her bus for a commute to work. The only thing I bought for her was at Christmas and was some chocolates and bubble bath. She's had commitment issues, perhaps this freaked her out?? She didn't give me anything in return (not that I expected her to) Now, I don't consider myself clingy or possessive. I usually didn't call her during the week, maybe an e-mail sometimes, usually if she was in town on the weekends either she would call me or I would call her. Perhaps I sometimes fall into the nice guy category. I realize now I made myself too avaliable to her, and probably didn't seem like a challenge to her. Also, it was only this past January that I started to read and learn the art of seducing and flirting with girls from friends and books etc. I should have also tried to date other girls while all this was happening for me personally, and to keep her on her toes. A friend also suggested I didn't capitalize on the intial physical spark, and blew my chances then. Keep in mind this was my first relationship in any form.

Now, my question is what to do now? I would like to go a while with minimal contact (I'm thinking 2-3 weeks). It is hard because we share the same group of friends, and we do go to dance class on Sunday nights. Also, I would like some more time to figure myself out more and to see what I learned. Although I don't expect to be given one, would it be possible or advisable to seek a second chance with her? I will probably now try to date other girls, even if we I do start dating her in any form again. I know this was long, thanks for your help or comments on the situation. Please note, this event this past Sunday came as a SHOCK to her group of friends and mine. I haven't tried to get in touch with her since. What should I do if she tries calling?? Should I see her this weekend?

Thanks for any insight. Girls, could you possibly shed some light on this from her perspective??

[Illusional]

whoa that was really long and i bet you that's why you didn't really get any responses huh? luckily i was killing time on the computer and i thought that i'd read your long ass thread. so here's what i think...

**** her. yup, just keep thinking that in your head. you two are friends and she just got out of a relationship. she's lonely. she's looking from someone to temporarily fill in the void and unfortunately when you combine that with liquor a lot of bullshit happens. all the kissing and what not, doesn't it always feel like you're intoxicated when all the good stuff happens?? inhibitions are down and she doesn't really care that you're her friend or that you could get hurt in the long run. she's only thinking about how good your tougne (sp) feels down her throat. trust me, i've had many many drunken and unsober nights.

so what do you do now?? just forget her. give her time if you can, date other people, whatevers. just give her her space and time to heal. if she comes back to you later then there is a possibility that something can happen. you never know, she might run back to her ex.... dun dun dun. yes it happens. but for now relax and chill. you've got a lot of time ahead of you.

raverboy

[lesser]

well..
i presume that she has put you in the background. cos she sees you're at her hands. Maybe try to be with some other girls. it makes every girl mad

[misombra]

whoa that was really long and i bet you that's why you didn't really get any responses huh? luckily i was killing time on the computer and i thought that i'd read your long ass thread. so here's what i think...

**** her. yup, just keep thinking that in your head. you two are friends and she just got out of a relationship. she's lonely. she's looking from someone to temporarily fill in the void and unfortunately when you combine that with liquor a lot of bullshit happens. all the kissing and what not, doesn't it always feel like you're intoxicated when all the good stuff happens?? inhibitions are down and she doesn't really care that you're her friend or that you could get hurt in the long run. she's only thinking about how good your tougne (sp) feels down her throat. trust me, i've had many many drunken and unsober nights.

so what do you do now?? just forget her. give her time if you can, date other people, whatevers. just give her her space and time to heal. if she comes back to you later then there is a possibility that something can happen. you never know, she might run back to her ex.... dun dun dun. yes it happens. but for now relax and chill. you've got a lot of time ahead of you.

raverboy

i agree.
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[Illusional]

whooo whooo. and i said that when i was sober... *takes a bow*

well today is a new day and it's time for another beer.

raverboy