WTH with this guy now??

[lovemuffin]

I work with a guy who's got a similar sense of humor to me dot-dot-dot we've got to know each other over time and he basically indicated to me recently that he sleeps with guys. We continue being friendly and then one day he said something that must have thrown me off because I finally asked him if he identifies as gay or bi. He didn't answer right away and then said bye but he really needs a woman in his life.

Here I thought he was gay all this time and was talking to him as such but now find this out and he seems to be kind of interested in me some things he said. Going to be mean but I don't want to be with the guy who's been with a lot of other guys and is always looking for guys it seems....wth? Is this guy really eally just gay and can't admit it?

[TheEvilJester]

I don't know. What makes you think he's just gay even though he tells you he is bi? I don't know why somebody would feel the need to lie about that, so I lean towards thinking he's probably bi if that is what he says. I mean, maybe he tends to prefer guys more, but is open to women. Who knows but him? But I don't know why he'd say he's bi if he is in fact 100% gay.

As it is, if you don't necessarily think you'd want to be with somebody who is bi, that is up to you. Other than the fact that they like both genders, people who are bi are no different from those who are gay or straight. By the same token, they are just as different. Meaning some can be in a faithful relationship with one person, some just can't seem to commit. Just like anybody else. That's no different no matter your orientation. So, I wouldn't personally suggest thinking of it like that, ...But, at the same time, if you don't like him in that way, that is your decision.

You aren't wrong if you don't like him in that way, you aren't wrong if you maybe feel like dating a bisexual guy just isn't for you. There's nothing wrong with him for being bi, but you also can't help what you do and don't find attractive. As long as you aren't judging him for just being true to himself, it doesn't make you wrong if you are true to yourself.

Best of luck either way.

[lovemuffin]

Thanks TEJ...what I meant by WTH is he says he needs a woman in his life but doesn't appear to be looking for women in anyway that's why I find it really confusing and wondered if he's really gay cuz I don't see any effort on his part seeking out women yet he said that's what he needs.

- - - Updated - - -

He kind of seemed interested in me... Texting all the time but then I find out this whole thing about him being with men and seeking apparently only that out so I started thinking maybe he's just really gay but can't admit it.

[TheEvilJester]

I mean... somebody can acknowledge they need something, yet still have no intention of actually pursuing it. LOL! Maybe when he says he "needs" a woman in his life, maybe what he means is he knows he needs a woman in his life.... but he's not going to do anything about it anyway.

Again, I don't see why he'd admit to being bi, but not be able to admit he's gay. I mean, if he were insisting he were straight but you thought he seemed pretty obviously gay, that would be different. Then maybe he grew up very religious, or with a family who was, or with a family who was very homophobic... etc. etc.

But I don't see any reason (as far as I know, anyway) why somebody would say they are bi when they are actually gay. I mean... I suppose being a straight male I am not necessarily the best authority on the matter.

Anyway, I guess what does it really matter to you whether he's bi, gay, or straight? Are you interested in him in that way? Whether or not you suspect he may be interested in YOU that way, are YOU interested in HIM that way at all? If not, then I don't see why it even matters. If you are, then maybe try asking him out. Or hinting at it. Like when he says things like he needs a woman in his life, you could sort of slyly respond "I'm a woman."