Question mark... after 1 month of long distance relationship

[giulio]

Hi all,
we know each other for about 1 year, felt interested even the first time but actually our relationship started after we got to know each other better. The real spark happened at her Birthday, more than a month ago, and since then, we are a together.

She's nice, somewhat predictable, calculated and devoted (she's 24; I'm 25 and we are separated by 200 km's) and seeks a serious relationship, not just occasional stuff.

Now the thing is that we started a distance relationship agreeing both on the fact that the other is sufficiently interesting and "special" in order to start such a relationship. Communication is fine, she initiates calls around 50% of the time however since now I was the only one to visit her (3 times) which is ok, because I'm the guy...
She likes me, expresses the fact that she's missing me and we always talk for tens of minutes / hours on the phone / net.

My only concern: A week ago she invited me to a colleagues birthday party and she seemed pretty excited on the idea to go together. After some thinking I accepted. Then, 2 days ago, she canceled the invitation saying that the party changed somewhat, that there will be fewer colleagues and some relatives of the colleague too (it will be in a club) and I would be better for her if she would go alone, because this way she exposes herself to less problems/risks/other stuff from colleagues, I didn't really understood but didn't wanted to insist. I said it's OK, if she considers it that way, she should go alone... (she was pretty concerned if I would be upset for this change...)

Now how do I interpret the situation ?
1. Why would you cancel an invitation when it is easier not to launch it in the first place ?
2. If you have a BF whom you are interested in, how can you care more for other's opinions and reactions than his ?
3. She already invited me 2 times to her home (she lives with her parents so interaction / introduction would be inevitable) and she's that "committed" type of girl when it comes to relationship; so how comes in the equation a reaction that in my opinion suggests that "you are kind of a backup / temporary plan and I don't want all of my colleagues to know you"...?

the party is Friday and the rest of the weekend was scheduled for us to spend it together...
Any ideas on what might be in her mind ?

[giulio]

ps, almost forgot an important thing:
despite her age, she had't had to many boyfriends (not too much experience) and hadn't slept with any of them (facts)

[curios]

Maybe its private if they're all close. Like I have friends I've known for a while but when they're with friends they've known even longer, I just kind of sit out because I don't know what they're talking about when they're remembering stuff from way long ago. Maybe she just doesn't want you to be the 'odd man out' because it does happen.
Don't automatically suspect something's fishy just because she decided she want to spend some time alone with old friends/colleagues. If you really want to know just ask her why she doesn't want her peeps to meet you, that's all. But don't sound/get mad or anything cause it's nothing to fight over for real...luck to ya.

[Boisdevie]

You are over analysing the situation and 200km is not much. My GF lives 130km from me and I dont think of that as long distance

[HeartIsAching]

200 kms. is what... 120 miles? Not too far. Close enough for weekend visits.

It sounds to me as if the nature of the party was changed to family and intimate friends... and that they were possibly trying to make the party smaller, so asked if significant others not come. It's a little rude to do, but not unheard of. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

[giulio]

Maybe its private if they're all close. Like I have friends I've known for a while but when they're with friends they've known even longer, I just kind of sit out because I don't know what they're talking about when they're remembering stuff from way long ago. Maybe she just doesn't want you to be the 'odd man out' because it does happen.
Don't automatically suspect something's fishy just because she decided she want to spend some time alone with old friends/colleagues. If you really want to know just ask her why she doesn't want her peeps to meet you, that's all. But don't sound/get mad or anything cause it's nothing to fight over for real...luck to ya.

Hi, yes, I agree on that and this is very true on the part of the party that will be held at the colleague's home. However, she's also new to them (has this job for 2 months) and she has only one old friend working there who is also invited to the party + after that, in a club, you can't really talk to people due to the noise levels there.
I personally would be proud of my girlfriend and opened to introduce her to other as long as she's presentable, educated, has a good job and can talk on a variety of subjects (and this is true for both of us)
As you said, it's not something to be fought over, and I'm probably seeing things differently now than her, but I would definitely like to know why she decided this way because over the phone it wasn't really clear to me.

You are over analysing the situation and 200km is not much. My GF lives 130km from me and I dont think of that as long distance

200 kms. is what... 120 miles? Not too far. Close enough for weekend visits.
It sounds to me as if the nature of the party was changed to family and intimate friends... and that they were possibly trying to make the party smaller, so asked if significant others not come. It's a little rude to do, but not unheard of. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Yes, I'm probably into small details now and focusing too much on this action / reaction of her...
she's pretty calculated and not really the outgoing type, some maybe this is a plausible thing

Now, in the weekend I / we planned to talk to a bit about ourselves / our relationship... what's the general direction, another place or town we could go to for a weekend to spend time together (future plans), and things like that.

I'm conscious that we need to have a constructive talk between some of our weekend activities + I am preparing a little surprise for her.

[MerryH]

It sounds to me as if the nature of the party was changed to family and intimate friends...

This is what I was thinking as well. Maybe she initially thought it was the sort of thing where everyone brings a date, but then learned that it was just going to be people from work. Her reason of "less problems/risks/other stuff" sounds kind of weird, but would make sense if she learned that her co-workers are a gossipy bunch who she doesn't want knowing about her personal life. And she invited you in the first place, which shows that she's not embarrassed of you or anything. You are worrying too much.

[giulio]

Thanks Merry, for the reply. Today, both of us are going out separately and I will probably find out the right answer tomorrow
Nice weekend to all of you

[giulio]

Hi all, here I bring some updates ...

Friday, she was at her colleagues birthday party, everything was fine there, she told me few things about the party...
I was at another birthday party / a party were some common friends of us were also invited. When I mentioned it, she was very interested and asked a lot of question...

Now, what happened today was quite strange.
I went to pick up her and she seemed quite upset and nervous (didn't gave a kiss at first) + when it came to pay for a movie ticket she insisted that if I don't let her to pay, we will not watch the movie together. Since I pay almost all the time and she seemed very determined, I said ok, I'll accept.
Then we talked about our relationship and the things that bother me / her the most.

The reason raised by her over the "party" issue was:
the party changed somewhat into a smaller group, because everybody would knew everybody I would stood out a bit, I would be over analysed by her colleagues, and some of their colleagues would made stupid comments later on. + it was a significant financial contribution to the present and she didn't expected this from me.
Now, I'm quite cleared with that motive, but that translates in my mind into something like "our relationship is still fragile and we would need to be more serious / be together for longer in order for these problems to be passed"

The thing that is not clear to me was that why was she so upset today with me (just few kisses, few hugs, less talking, avoiding eye contact, sudden change that she wan's to pay etc)?
I asked, but she said it has nothing to do with me, but didn't wanted to be specific and told me not to insist.
In my mind, it had to do something with me, the fact that I was out with another group, didn't showed to much interest in the past 1-2 days etc...

Happy end:
during the movie she opened somewhat, but was still not the same.
then, when we were on route to her home, I pulled over in a parking lot, and had a brief talk with her.
I told her that I really like her and I want her to be happy, not sad or upset and that I have some surprises for her. I made it some sort of a game, that she needed to close her eyes before I gave it to her etc etc, just to make some fun as well...
In the end, she got a small box (present package) of little chocolate/hazelnut balls + a red rose.
She was very surprised and happy and her smile / shine in her eyes were back again.
She tanked few times for it, said she wasn't expecting something like that at all, and how sweet I am. (+ texted me immediately I left with the same message again. Later on, on the phone again: happy and very pleased with my initiative...

now, I am very happy that in the end I was able to make her smile again and to get things back somewhat to normal.

[AMansView]

Long distance relationships never work (in the long run). I can feel you tho