Need a man's opinion about intimacy issues.

[hunter1]

My bf and I have dated for 2 years. He's had some sexual issues on and off but I'm patient and we work together. We are both in our early 40's and divorced.
We do not live together.
Lately, he's not been very affectionate or initiated any intimacy with me. I've tried different things but it seems if he's tired or focused on one of his tasks, he just can't focus on us.

We love spending time together and have a lot in common but this relationship is starting to feel like I'm dating my brother. I'm all over him, he's snoring next to me.

Any ideas? What can I do to turn him on or get his attention? Backing off doesn't work. He takes that as I'm distancing myself.

[oldskool83]

are u gonna hump tonight after dinner...try it. my ex use to ask me that. id always say yes! he may be loosing sexual interest. what is this task he focused on?

[hunter1]

He's busy working on research to further his education. So it's pretty intense. Research and such.
He's never been really all that into sex but he's never not wanted to do it. That really messes with your self esteem a lot!!
And yeh, I've tried the straightforward.. can we do it now?...but that has not been very effective. He's happy with it if I give him a bj before dinner but he's not in the mood to reciprocate!!

[maxmax]

When he gets home rip his clothes off, literally, and tell him to "f**k me now!" ... or something along those lines. If that doesn't catch his attention, I don't know else what to suggest.

It'd work for me.

Apologies for the language ... lol

[hunter1]

no offense taken. I'll try that. But long term I'm just not sure what will work. Thanks!

[maxmax]

no offense taken. I'll try that. But long term I'm just not sure what will work. Thanks!

Hey, and if it doesn't work ... the look on his face will be priceless lol

[Boisdevie]

I cannot believe that his lack of sexual interest is due to his work etc. He's a guy and most guys would **** anything with a pulse. You need to explain to him how you feel and what your needs are and that if he continues to not meet your needs then it's over.

[Dependable]

thats not true, anything with a pulse. if you have problems you try and work them out. it starts with honesty. i am a man who has had sexual problems in the past, it happens you can only do your best

[hunter1]

It's really just like it takes too much time or whatever.. he has to put too much into sex so he puts it on the back burner. It's hard for me bc I was married to a sex addict for 23 years. He was always bugging me about sex. It never ended with him!
So it's hard to know what is normal and what is not. I mean.. yeh, my experience with guys is that they are not going to turn it down! But I feel like I have to make an appt with him.
He's has some sexual issues. Had trouble getting it up or keeping it up. I've suggested that he talk to his doctor. He says he's taken viagra before and didn't like the way it made him feel. But that was not medication that was prescribed to him. It was something that his "then" wife had begged off of one of her friends and gave to him.
I've told him that the dosage is prescribed to you. And honestly, I don't want his only focus to be on sex. I enjoy our sex life and I feel cutoff and distanced from him when we can't connect on an intimate level.
I just don't understand.

[bulrush]

Many women think that men can understand female communication, when in fact, a man's brain is not wired to see subtle communication hints that women give. You have to be very direct, even extreme sometimes, when dealing with men, and it seems, with this man. So, don't hint around. Wear something really naughty, I mean naughty even for you. Wear something surprising, like thigh-high boots with just a g-string. Meet him at the door when he gets home from work and drag him into the bedroom.

Be passionate with him. Bump and grind against him, dance in front of him if you feel like it. See what works. Put on some porn even.

Or better yet, do this, but in the early morning. Male testosterone peaks in early morning just after sunrise, or around 5-6am. That's the best time for men to have sex.

If that doesn't work. Ask if he even has libido. If not, his testosterone may be low. This is easily tested with a blood test. If T is fine, then it may be a "mechanical" problem where we call on our little blue friend, Viagra.

Don't take this personally, but many men crave, or even need variety to stay interested. He may be uninterested in your run-of-the-mill sex life, and may have really kinky fantasies. Try to get him to talk about them, be open to trying them. He may be too embarassed to try them. Some guys, after doing all the "regular" stuff, want to get some strange. Like getting pegged by a girl wearing a strapon. (Look it up.) You should do one of his fantasies, so he can trust you and open up more.

So, I have covered libido, mechanical problems, and plain boredom. Just because he's bored with sex doesn't have anything to do with his love for you, he still loves you just the same.

[bulrush]

Many women think that men can understand female communication, when in fact, a man's brain is not wired to see subtle communication hints that women give. You have to be very direct, even extreme sometimes, when dealing with men, and it seems, with this man. So, don't hint around. Wear something really naughty, I mean naughty even for you. Wear something surprising, like thigh-high boots with just a g-string. Meet him at the door when he gets home from work and drag him into the bedroom.

Be passionate with him. Bump and grind against him, dance in front of him if you feel like it. See what works. Put on some porn even.

Or better yet, do this, but in the early morning. Male testosterone peaks in early morning just after sunrise, or around 5-6am. That's the best time for men to have sex. It explains "morning wood".

If that doesn't work. Ask if he even has libido. If not, his testosterone may be low. This is easily tested with a blood test. If T is fine, then it may be a "mechanical" problem where we call on our little blue friend, Viagra.

Don't take this personally, but many men crave, or even need variety to stay interested. He may be uninterested in your run-of-the-mill sex life, and may have really kinky fantasies. Try to get him to talk about them, be open to trying them. He may be too embarassed to try them. Some guys, after doing all the "regular" stuff, want to get some strange. Like getting pegged by a girl wearing a strapon. (Look it up.) You should do one of his fantasies, so he can trust you and open up more.

So, I have covered male-female communication, libido, mechanical problems, and plain boredom. Just because he's bored with sex doesn't have anything to do with his love for you, he still loves you just the same.

[vashti]

I'm not a male, but I am a nurse. He's had problems keeping or achieving an erection, so this is not about you. He doesn't have the drive you are looking for, and he may (or may not) have medical issues that contribute to that. In any case, no amount of bumping, grinding, slutty clothing, demanding, pouting, or anything along those lines will help you. It's not about you, lack of variety or communication, or boredom: it's him and his drive. He will either take the little blue pill so he can keep you satisfied, or he won't. You will have to accept that your sex life will be nearly non-existant, or you will have to leave him.