errrmmmm

**Ashliejae** · 29-12-07, 12:34 AM

Alright I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year and we have been having sex since august. This is really hard for me. I think he has pre-mature ejaculation problems. At first i though he was just nervous and then i though maybe it was me. But after weeks and weeks of this i do not know what to think. Most times we dont even start having sex, before he has blown his load. And instead of talking about it he goes and dose the dishes. I am very confused and i do not know how to bring it up. I do not want to hurt him but i can no longer take it it is hard to deal with. And it makes me very sad. I am sure there is already a post about this but i could not find it.

**vashti** · 29-12-07, 12:44 AM

This is unfortunately a problem HE is going to have to work on. He needs to practice masturbating so he can tell when he is past the point of inevitability so he can STOP before he gets there. In the meantime, he should be helping you reach before he does via oral stimulation or whatever else can do the job. If he refuses to do that, then I think his problem is one of selfishness in addition to a lack of self control. I might also suggest that if he isn't wearing condoms, he should be... nice THICK ones. Not only will he be protecting both of you from possible negative consequences like pregnancy and STDs, they will also help to desensitise him.

BTW - you aren't one of those girls who have been pretending that you enjoy the sex, are you? If so, you need to stop it. He needs to know he isn't doing the job so he can improve. You can be gentle, but don't lie.

**Ashliejae** · 29-12-07, 01:09 AM

well i do not pretend i usually just roll over and cry it seems like he dose not notice. he goes and does dishes or plays video games, and we use to use condoms but then i got an implant and i did not want to be mean so i just mentioned the condoms and he said he did not want to wear them, since i have a latex allergies so we have to buy really expensive ones he finds excuses and i am afraid to just come out and say it because i know i will cry, and i do not want to hurt him or make him feel loike less of a man

**TheSphinx** · 29-12-07, 01:10 AM

You can be gentle, but don't lie.

Not sure of your age, but this is greatly appreciated. It may take the roar out of us for a little while, but when we realize we have room to improve, you'll soon be "roaring" with pleasure.

~Sphinx

**misombra** · 29-12-07, 01:12 AM

he does the dishes?

**TheSphinx** · 29-12-07, 01:14 AM

well i do not pretend i usually just roll over and cry it seems like he dose not notice. he goes and does dishes or plays video games, and we use to use condoms but then i got an implant and i did not want to be mean so i just mentioned the condoms and he said he did not want to wear them, since i have a latex allergies so we have to buy really expensive ones he finds excuses and i am afraid to just come out and say it because i know i will cry, and i do not want to hurt him or make him feel loike less of a man

I wouldn't worry about making him feel like any less of a man, he doesn't seem to be much of one now if he's acting this way. Address this. He might stand to lose a little face, but it sounds like you have a lot more to lose in this situation.

~Sphinx

**Ashliejae** · 29-12-07, 01:19 AM

yes he dose the dishes, like a little kid that is being punished hes not doing them because he wants to, he stands in the kitchen very quite wont look at me, it wigs me out. I do not know if this has anything to do with it but hes a bit of a pot head he smokes a few times a week, and if he cant smoke he will play video games from about 6 pm till around 11pm and then hes just so tired and he has this Saturday thing to, we have never had sex on any other day besides Saturday

**vashti** · 29-12-07, 01:25 AM

Originally Posted by Ashliejae

well i do not pretend i usually just roll over and cry it seems like he dose not notice. he goes and does dishes or plays video games, and we use to use condoms but then i got an implant and i did not want to be mean so i just mentioned the condoms and he said he did not want to wear them, since i have a latex allergies so we have to buy really expensive ones he finds excuses and i am afraid to just come out and say it because i know i will cry, and i do not want to hurt him or make him feel loike less of a man

I am assuming you are BOTH relatively new to this, and so I bet this problem can be solved. I think you should sit him down and tell him gently that you love him, but the sex isn't working for you, and you want to help him improve so he can feel better about himself. He can't possibly feel all that great if he knows you are crying. Insist he start by wearing a condom. I don't care how much they cost... Explain to him that there is little motivation to continue having sex when it is so unsatisfactory, but be sure to tell him that you understand he is learning.

You are not supposed to act merely as a receptacle for his semen. Tell him to come to this web site for some tips, or buy him a book about sex (The Joy of Sex comes to mind).

EDIT: Are you sure you really want to invest so much effort into an overgrown child who wants to spend his time playing games and smoking pot? Yuck.

**Ashliejae** · 29-12-07, 01:38 AM

He's actually 28 and i am 21 and i've dated a person with ED for 6 years

**vashti** · 29-12-07, 01:49 AM

If he is so insensitive at 28, I'd forget about him and move on. His pot smoking has probably dulled his motivation to improve.

**TheSphinx** · 29-12-07, 01:56 AM

...he will play video games from about 6 pm till around 11pm...

If only Nintendo would get its act together and release a wii remote/vibrator hybrid.

~Sphinx

**beanie** · 31-12-07, 09:37 AM

i kinda know what you are going through, except i just dont get there. anyway, it sounds like your bf is already aware of the problem, and just uses the dishes as a reasonto not have to deal with it. everytime my bf gets off all early, he apologizes out the ass and tells me he sucks. after sex, just make a comment like "well, that sucked" or something, let him know that it does really bother you in some subtle way. it kinda sounds like he's just having sex with you and isn't in it to please you. a friend i have used to have a gf that would want to have sex so badly with him that she would ffer him money just to have sex with her when he wasn't in the mood, so he would just get off as quickly as possible. bring it up to him and get some answers on at least what he thinks the problem is.

**Ashliejae** · 01-01-08, 02:18 AM

well i plan on it today or tomorrow since now chirstmas is over and he had two days off extra ill let you all know how it goes thank you all for the good advice

**just.Her** · 15-01-08, 10:46 PM

Originally Posted by Ashliejae

well i do not pretend i usually just roll over and cry it seems like he dose not notice. he goes and does dishes or plays video games, and we use to use condoms but then i got an implant and i did not want to be mean so i just mentioned the condoms and he said he did not want to wear them, since i have a latex allergies so we have to buy really expensive ones he finds excuses and i am afraid to just come out and say it because i know i will cry, and i do not want to hurt him or make him feel loike less of a man

As i mentioned earlier in the other thread. Lack of communication. I agree with Vashti - "you should sit him down and tell him gently that you love him, but the sex isn't working for you, and you want to help him improve so he can feel better about himself."
Communication and understanding is the key to success. Now after what you told me. i think you need to be your own therapist

And stop being so scared. His is your boyfriend, he will understand you if you say it correctly. And vice versa, you must also understand his problem too.

**Gigabitch** · 16-01-08, 01:45 AM

There's nothing wrong with crying when something's hurting, ashlie. You're the girl. It's your prerogative to be emotional.

Thread: errrmmmm

Thread Tools

errrmmmm

Posting Permissions