Advice on BF behavior

[Lovelost777]

My BF and I have been dating for 6 months. Thing have moved quick as he asked me to be his GF after dating for 1.5 weeks. He said he loved me after 2 weeks of dating. He told me at church because he wanted it to be special. He always pays for my meals and he has bought me a lot of amazing gifts. I do love him but over time there are some things that make me curious about his behavior and if it is normal. We spend all most everyday together but we let each other have our space. I have noticed when I don’t see him in Saturday’s he will call a lot through the day or text he will usually convince me to come over eventhough I’m with my family. I don’t mind because I love being with him. He gets upset when I don’t do things the way he feels they should be done. He once lectured me for 15 minutes because he took the trash out and later in the middle of the night I threw a tissue in the can and didn’t replace the can liner. I worry because I have seen him push his son when his son dropped a piece of sports equipment he had just bought him. He yelled at him and told him he had better apologize if he wanted him to stop yelling. He once lightly poked me in the back when I wasn’t moving fast enough in the store.

There are more examples of strange behavior one is two nights ago I was rubbing his leg and I guess he didn’t like the way I did it. I accidentally pinched his skin. He got upset and said it’s like I have no common sense. He said nobody would rub a leg that way He said I can be aloof and I accidentally hurt him because I wasn’t paying attention.( I have accidentally hurt him a few times and he gets really upset) He went on and when I tried to interject he snapped his fingers at me for trying to interrupt. After a while of him talking I got upset because of the way he was saying these things they weren’t really kind and I told him that he was being mean. He then went on to say that I have no confidence in our relationship and that the only way he would break up with me is if I cheated or lied so I need to stop being so worried. He said this because when he gets mad I will text him the next day to apologize because I feel bad that I made him upset I do send him long messages but it’s because I feel like a bad girlfriend. He told me I’m too sensitive and that I take the things he says and does wrong. I cried and shut down.

he tried to comfort me and was being sweet the next 2-3 days. The fact that he is so sweet after makes me think that this is my fault. There have been other issues like this where he may get upset about things I do like if I forget to turn the 2nd light off in the bathroom or things like that. He tells me he is willing to wait for me to learn how to do better. I feel like yes maybe it is my fault because I’m making mistakes and he gets so upset that I feel horrible for making him mad. I’m not sure if I’m wrong or he is just easy to get upset. I’m very confused and if anyone has advice I would appreciate it. He says all the time he wants to marry me and that he loves me so much and I know that he does but I want some advice on this. If you need more info let me know.

[Minikimini]

he tried to comfort me and was being sweet the next 2-3 days. The fact that he is so sweet after makes me think that this is my fault. There have been other issues like this where he may get upset about things I do like if I forget to turn the 2nd light off in the bathroom or things like that. He tells me he is willing to wait for me to learn how to do better. I feel like yes maybe it is my fault because I’m making mistakes and he gets so upset that I feel horrible for making him mad. I’m not sure if I’m wrong or he is just easy to get upset. I’m very confused and if anyone has advice I would appreciate it. He says all the time he wants to marry me and that he loves me so much and I know that he does but I want some advice on this. If you need more info let me know.

No. You are not wrong.

Your boyfriend is abusive. Full stop. This is how they operate. The turn on you then afterwards, they're all sweet, asking forgiveness, crying, etc., to get back their status quo until the next time they set themselves off. It really doesn't matter how he acts when he's being sweet--that's all part of the dance that abuser does when grooming their target. If he was mean all the time, then this wouldn't work, would it? But he lulls you into believing that it's some aberration until the next time he's shoving you into a door... then he's snatching your arm... then he's "play slapping" you... then he's for real slapping you... that's how abuse escalates. Once he no longer gets a charge out of doing what he's doing, he is going to elevate it .

The fact that he puts his hands on both you and his son in an aggressive manner should have been a huge red flag that you seemed to have missed.

And he doesn't love you---if he did, he wouldn't be putting his hands on you in aggression, he wouldn't be lecturing you on stupid mess. What he loves is having control over you.

I wouldn't marry him---he's got too many issues, from what little you've written about him, that he needs to work out with a therapist.

[Hooo!]

To me personally it sounds as if he is nutty as squirrel poo
But I don’t see what you will do with this accusation of a stranger. It’s not as if you’d go and cut him out of your life?

So either you talkte him about it, meaning you value feedback but not him being passively aggressive. Because that hurts people too.
Or you do nothing and accept it the way it is

[MsLondonB]

Your boyfriend is controlling and abusuve! Is this fun for you? The fact he rushed in fast is also telling.

I would advise you to leave this controlling a-hat immediately, but you won't. Read too many stories just like this so know better than to believe you will.

Expect it to get worse unless you start being strong with him and standing up for yourself. Abusers pick their victims very carefully. Weak passive women who don't know how to set strong boundaries.

If you want to be that woman, carry on and good luck. If not, LEAVE!

[Dave80]

Sounds very controlling and a little dangerous. If you feel safe to do so I would talk to him about his behaviour, probably best if there is a third party present as it sounds like he might try and manipulate you.

[MsLondonB]

I wouldn't bother talking to him. He will only twist it, gaslight you. Accuse you of being "crazy" and "imagining things." Insecure, needy, whatever comes to his sick mind to make it your fault.

That is how abusers operate, nothing is ever their fault, they take no responsibility for the pain they inflict. Get on the Internet and research the signs!