14-16 year old crisis

[littlewing]

I am fairly older than 15 or 16, this post doesn't deal that much with love either. I remember someone writing how girls go through a crisis when they are about 15. They think that the whole world is against them and things like that. Some of you have overgrown that stage and I would really like to know how to comfort someone who is going through the rough times when she is 15. A girl looses all self respect and hates herself sometimes telling others about it sometimes keeping it within herself.

How do you comfort such a person? How would you make her life easier?... if it's even possible

[vashti]

To be honest, all you can do is sympathize with her when it's appropriate, and hope she outgrows it soon. I love teenagers, but they can be psycho, and the girls are especially rough. Don't allow yourself to get sucked into her melodrama because she can (and will) bleed you dry. Also, you should understand that you are not a counselor, and if you really think she needs some professional help, I'd tell an adult.

[lastwish]

I had my crisis at the age of 12 (man, I almost committed suicide). I'm not her so I don't know the roots of the problem for her. But its very likely to be rooted from family issues. If you are close to her consider going with her to a school counsellor, to a church (if you are religious), or any place where she can get advice from a wise adult. I consider a 15 year old still a child so they are better to be handled by an adult.

[anachronistic]

Just be nice, and that's it. Do not sympathize. Don't ask to take her to the counselor, or anything. Those are very bad ideas, and I dated a girl who was like that... for three years. Things would have turned out so much nicer, if only I hadn't been such a sympathetic doormat. Seriously. Also, some girls are so evil, that they will make up such behavior just to get your sympathy. Don't give in.

[lastwish]

Just be nice, and that's it. Do not sympathize. Don't ask to take her to the counselor, or anything. Those are very bad ideas, and I dated a girl who was like that... for three years. Things would have turned out so much nicer, if only I hadn't been such a sympathetic doormat. Seriously. Also, some girls are so evil, that they will make up such behavior just to get your sympathy. Don't give in.

What!? She could really be in danger. Ok, first you have to establish how serious her problems are. Talk to her first.

[anachronistic]

Well if she is going to slit her wrists or do something foolish, yeah of course you tell someone. Tell someone and do not date her, because holy shit. But NEVER sympathize. The reason why most people do that shit is for sympathy, and if you give in, it's not helping the cause.

[IndiReloaded]

There's a difference b/t normal teenage angst & someone who never learned properly when they were younger that they aren't the centre of the universe (which eventually leads to healthy self-reliance). There are a lot more young ppl like that nowadays (mostly due to ineffective, overcompensating parents) and by the time they reach teenage years it usually requires professional intervention.

Be supportive in a friendly way ('yeah, I hear ya' type thing), but if they are more demanding or needy than that, this will be beyond your ability to deal with. Encourage her to seek help. Counselling services at your school will know what to do.

[littlewing]

Well if she is going to slit her wrists or do something foolish, yeah of course you tell someone. Tell someone and do not date her, because holy shit. But NEVER sympathize. The reason why most people do that shit is for sympathy, and if you give in, it's not helping the cause.

I'm not dating her... she is my friends sister and my friend is really worried about her. I don't think it's something serious, probably something that most of us had at that age... that feeling when everybody hates you?! But I only want to have a good advice for my friend, 'cause again someone mentioned that somewhere before...

[Gigabitch]

Let her know you're paying attention without making it look like you have season tickets to the Dramarama. Maybe you and your friend could spend some time hanging out over at his house, just to make yourselves available.

I imagine she's having trouble with her friends- I didn't have a major crisis when I was 15 but my friends were a bunch of Grade A bitches. I spent a lot of time alone, listening to music rather than hang out with them. I also spent time with my brother.

[bluesummer]

I went through that phase, but I think it lasted from around 13 to 17. I felt like the world was against me, my parents were tyrants, and I had nothing going for me. I listened to a lot of grunge/metal and wore dark lipstick and smoked. I thought about suicide a few times.

The only thing that snapped me out of it was time, unfortunately. I'm not sure what would help....probably just like everyone else has mentioned, a sympathizing ear. I shouldn't say sympathize, more like empathize. Who cares if she's doing it to get attnetion? If listening to her bitch prevents something worse from happening, then its a good thing, I think. Maybe she should get involved in something that would channel her negative energy better....like write in a journal, play a sport.

[Lozenger]

Heya,
I recently turned 16 and I kinda feel like that now. I don't tell people about my problems and FYI lilwing, I do not make it up for sympathy. So ignore what lilwing said.

But I cope only because I hope that things will get better and I have a determination to beat all those people in life that made mine not so great so far. Unfortunately I'm still waiting for things to get better - but I'm being patient until everyone else can just freakin' grow up!
Sympathizing would be a good idea, because it shows you care, even if she is making it up, then surely that spells "insecure" and so she'll need a confidence boost anyway.
You could suggest a councellor but bear in mind that she may get embarrassed about this suggestion.
I got really depressed last year, I felt like committing suicide, I felt unlovable and hated, unappreciated and worthless and my mum suggested I see a councellor and that made me feel worse because I thought that my mum thought there was something wrong with me (she did actually say to me; "there's something wrong with you up here!") and so I thought there was something wrong with me. I did go to see a councellor, but I was soo reserved I couldn't help but make out that everything was ok

Nowadays I still feel unloveable and all that jazz, but I try not to think about anything too much and just concentrate on getting somewhere in life. It will be hard, but all you can really do is be there and listen. You could give your advice, but you can't make her take it.

Best wishes,

X

[Gigabitch]

Well, there IS something wrong with a suicidal person, but maybe that's the last thing they want to hear. Can anybody come up with a less confrontational phrase? Like "dealing with some personal shit" or something like that?

[anachronistic]

Heya,
I recently turned 16 and I kinda feel like that now. I don't tell people about my problems and FYI lilwing, I do not make it up for sympathy. So ignore what lilwing said.

I was referring to the slitting wrists and all.


Do you slit your wrists?

[bluesummer]

This whole 'lilwing'/'littlewing' thing is messing with my head.

[anachronistic]

It even throws me off.. I wish he'd get it changed or something. Just remember, mine is the one with the golden circle next to it.