This girl is stuck in my head and its absolutely unbearable

[alastaircook]

This is going to be a very very long post. So please beware.

I met this girl at my best friends party and it was my best mates girlfriends best friend. We got on really well that night and the next day I spoke to her on Facebook and got her number and we met up for lunch and I helped her with some work as we are both doing our final A levels. We spent alot of time over the next month or so and we did lots of things together like go for meals together, go studying together and walk around the city together. I really started to fall for her. By this point we had gotten so close she told me lots of stuff that she has never told anybody else, not even her parents, she had told me all her deepest fears and secrets. We flirted on Facebook and uploaded lots of photos of each other on Facebook. So around one month ago I told her I really needed to speak to her on a rainy Monday night and we met up and I told her my feelings. She said lots of stuff such as she was scared to be in a relationship and didn't want to be in one and that she didn't like me in that way. I told her I would try to be just friends but it would be very hard for me but we decided to continue to seeing each other as friends. She was really concerned for me that night and knew something wasn't right with me and told me to text her when I got home. I walked her home and then rather than go home I sat on a park bench and drunk myself silly. I had texted her half an hour after leaving her house and told her that I was at home whilst really i wasn't. The corrosponding Tuesday I didn't go to College as I woke up with a complete shiner and I admit it was a very stupid thing to do.

So we started off being friends. I started at first to try and not see her for a while so as to try and get over it. That didn't work. When I was around her it was painful. When i wasn't around her it was ten thousand times more painful it physically stopped me from doing anything such as revising as I would be just sat there thinking about it. So I decided to see her again. Like clockwork every single day, she would pick me up at College during Lunch to go have food. Sometimes it was with her friend, sometimes just us two. We spent more time together and it just made me like her more and more. She's beautiful and is genuinely the nicest person I have met and quite frankly I think she is perfect. I just can't get her out of my head. For the past week when we're supposed to be revising for very important exams, we've spent days at a time together. For example, on Tuesday I met up with her at around three and we ended up going to hers until around midnight when I went home to sleep...and then i met up with her to go to the library at eight the very next morning, we did about 2 hours actual work and then ended up driving to her grandma's in the middle of the countryside where we stayed till about 8, then went for a walk and ended up getting lost in the middle of the countryside, all in all a very fun night. Then the day after, we met up at like three again and this time we organized a midnight hike with some friends and we basically didn't go home that night and I ended up sleeping in her car. The very next morning (this morning basically), the rest of the friends all went home and we went to the library to revise for the entire day and I only went home at five this evening.

The morning after friends all left we had another conversation and I essentially told her I was being an idiot and being deluded but still trying because it hurt so much otherwise. I even said to her I was like a Donkey with a string tied to the nose and a carrot dangled in front of it. She ended up feeling bad saying I've done so much and she can't give anything back to which I replied, its not your fault as I can't make you like me that way. I said to her though, "You know me, I never give up, and I'm not going to give up on you, I'm going to keep trying, but only if thats okay with you and im not pressurizing you." She said I can keep trying if I wanted to. I also made sure that she would never go out with me through sheer pity guilt or sympathy and made that clear to her its not the thing to do. Regardless of this conversation, nothing was awkward between us. She also never suspected anything the first time and second time either, as I am VERY good at masking my true emotions and feelings.

The fact is, she tells me everything that she is going through that other people don't know and she is genuinely the most wonderful person ever. She's not trying to lead me on, before anyone says anything before she's far too innocent to do that. Whenever I tag her in photos and stuff and statuses her friends and my friends make comments like "aww" and things like that, so they are helping nothing. Although my best mate knows of the first conversation, but not of the second.

What should I do? I honestly have no idea.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Quit being a little bitch and stop talking to her. Whine and bitch about it being physically painful all you want, I don't buy that garbage. Man up.

[TeeJay19]

You're not going to want to hear this, but the only way to really get over this girl is to stop seeing her. You're in the friend zone and you're not getting out. You've done everything you can to try and get her to go out with you but she's just not interested so there's no point to keep trying. I know you're probably thinking "it's better to have her as a friend than nothing at all," but you said yourself it's painful whether you're with her or not so it's not like this is a positive relationship for you.

You shouldn't try to just be friends with someone when you actually want to be more than friends. You're both going to end up hurt because you're going to keep getting hurt every time she rejects you and she's going to feel bad when she has to keep rejecting you. It's also stopping you from pursuing girls who are actually interested in you.

You've got a bad case of oneitis, which basically means you're hopelessly fixated on one girl so much that's becoming harmful. You have to stop because you're only going to hurt yourself more. I was once in a similar situation. I was really good friends with a girl who I had feelings for. I let her know but she didn't feel that way about me. I decided to stick around and try to convince her I was the guy for her but it never happened. When we graduated high school I moved away to go to university and was finally able to get over her. And you no what? After I got away from her I realized she was far from perfect and we were actually totally wrong for eachother.

You don't need to be mean about it. Just say that your feelings for her aren't going to change and it's too hard for you to just be friends. For both your sakes it's probably better if you guys stop seeing eachother, at least until you get over her. Given the conversations you've already had with her she'll probably understand. Once this is done go out and meet new girls, go on dates etc. It seems impossible now but once you start doing these things these feelings will pass.

Good luck.

[alastaircook]

I know I've said its painful but her company is actually also very enjoyable at the same time, if that makes some resemblance of sense. it may be oneitis or she genuinelly may be the one, but this is the first time one girl has just put me off every single other one. Going out clubbing with mates suddenly doesn't seen all that fun anymore and nobody there seems to catch my eye anymore. Every other person I knew who I thought was good looking suddenly just feels very shit in comparison.

Good grief I sound like a complete wasteman.

[TeeJay19]

I know I've said its painful but her company is actually also very enjoyable at the same time, if that makes some resemblance of sense. it may be oneitis or she genuinelly may be the one, but this is the first time one girl has just put me off every single other one. Going out clubbing with mates suddenly doesn't seen all that fun anymore and nobody there seems to catch my eye anymore. Every other person I knew who I thought was good looking suddenly just feels very shit in comparison.

Good grief I sound like a complete wasteman.

She's not the one, if she was she would want to go out with you. There's only one solution to your problem: Man up and stop seeing her. Because even if you do enjoy her company it's preventing you from meeting someone who does actually wants to date you. Pining over a girl who's unavailable or not interested is a great way to get depressed. Trust me, I've been there. That girl that I told you about earlier? That went on for two years. Two years I wasted my time on a girl who was so obviously not interested. Don't let that be you. Do you think your story is special, that it's the exception to the rule? Because it isn't. Don't think that way. I know it will hurt at first but years from now you'll look back and realize how silly this was. Trust me, it's for the best.

And if you still refuse to stop seeing this girl then don't come back whining about your problems, because there's nothing we can do.

[JasonHJJ]

Thanks for your post.