strange

[st. jimmy]

Ok well...this is my story with this girl that has been goin for quite a while. Ill try to keep it as short as possible:

I've had this major crush for her for a long long time but was afraid to confess. Right now i think i might be feeling something more then a crush. I've adored her from day one, even when we didnt even know each other personally. She has a great personality, strong and unique which attracts me the most. Also has a gread sense of humor- we both enjoy ourselves when in eachother's company and it seems like time just slipps away without telling. She is 3 years older then me, which kinda bothered her at 1st. She herself told me that she had a crush on me, though mentioned age difference and distance- she lives in another town to study in university while im in our hometown still in highschool. I told her that i liked her too, which she found to her liking, and that minor things like that didnt matter..
Some time afterwards, i decided to confront her and asked her if she was speaking the truth. She was positive and did something i didnt expect- she kissed me. It was extremely enjoyable and she did enjoy it too, though after that i was kind of confused because of the whole distance/age thing. She told a close friend of hers about that time, and told her that she was surprised and that she thought we were only friends but the whole scene doesnt quite revolve like that does it? And who does such stuff with friends? that was another thing that further confused me.
After that we didnt see eachother for a couple of months, kept in touch through the internet. Then, a friend of ours arranged a gathering of close friends. Me and her were both flirty towards each other so things were going well, she even did something that boosted my confidence that she still had it going for me.
A few weeks after that I organised a party for the same close circle of friends. Throughout the evening we were at it again and i gathered up enough courage to confront her again. We managed to get alone, and i kissed her. but not an innocent kiss, a passionate kiss to show her i meant business. Then i told her what i had bottled up. She was surprised, and kind of got away with the fact that she was out of a previous relationship that sucked and lasted too long so she needed to shake off it and come clean out of the situation, and the other thing that bothered her was the distance. While saying that she was holding my hand and hip which was more then confusing and contradictory to me. I told her that if she didnt want that it doesnt have to be something serious, and that i was ready to call it nothing serious only in order for us to be together. It looked like she was majorly shocked, and told me that she didnt want to turn me down permanently cause she cared for me. I then decided to ask her if there was a chance she'd change her mind if i took the question up later throughout the months, and she replied that she isnt completely sure, and that there is a chance. i told her i didnt want to lose an opportunity like this and that i didnt care about all the obstacles between us and so i kissed her again, giving that kiss all i had.
Things have been kind of awkward these few days afterwards. Man, shes a walking contradiction - gives out that she likes me like that and then just pulls away from me. We havent spoken in these few days and i dont know how to confront her, though i still want to show her that she doesnt have to be afraid of anything, that i have much to offer, comfort her and just make things work out you know? Is there anything i could do to acomplish that? I really dont want to lose her- shes the 1st person i have ever really given a crap about! Any insight on the situation and suggestions are more than welcome, as i dont know quite what to do and am obsessed with her