My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. We were friends for 4 months before dating. Prior to dating this guy I was married. But the marriage was fairly platonic which left me dissatisfied (our chemistry wasn't a good fit). I'm a highly sexual individual. It was always a non-physical relationship, but I overlooked that because he was good partner material. (I divorced months before dating my current partner).
I am my bf's first real girlfriend. Note that we are both 30 years old. He has basically been afraid of girls most of his life. He fears that he will do something offensive and he doesn't want hard feelings. He is more interested in the friendship being maintained than satisfying urges. I really enjoy his respectful nature. However, I must admit I like men to be a bit like beasts.
In the beginning we explored a great deal. We played many sex games and it was an exciting adventure. We spent the first 4 months in bed cuddling, having sex, and talking about everything.
My boyfriend has sexual performance anxiety. He has successfully used erectile aides such as Viagra (which was fine by me). However, it goes further than just erectile dysfunction. Once his mind is in a state of worry or if he focuses on things outside of the relationship, our sex life gets put on pause. It would appear as though he doesn't crave it. This can happen for around a week. So I am super horny this whole time and feel lonely.
Also, he starts treating me less like a woman and more like a buddy. It's hard to explain to him precisely how I'd like to be treated as a woman. (Things like saying "bless you", opening doors, coming up behind me and squeezing me). During this time he becomes focused on "masculine activities". He still wants to share with me, but I feel a little like I can't relate to his needs.
When this isn't going on our sex is amazing, our communication is fantastic, and I feel very intimate and close to him. He is NOT impulsive. He tends to think about things at great length before he does them. My craving for a care-free sexually charged relationship goes unsatisfied sometimes.
I'm worried because there are so many ways that he completes me. When things are good, they can be so very good. I have met his parents and grandparents, so I believe that he is interested in a long term commitment with me. I want this to work. I fear that it won't because I can't deal with the scenario.
I know that to some degree my desire is unreasonable. I know that eventually sex in relationships slows down. But I am concerned that's not the issue. I begin thinking it's about me, despite his saying it's not.
I'm not sure what my question is.
I would like general observations and personal stories from those that can relate to this little dilemma.
Any advice on how to get his attention, how to change my perspective? I appreciate whatever you can offer!