I think I want to get my heart broken

[Charlie Boy II]

I'm 26 in less than a month. I have never been seriously wounded by a romantic relationship. Mostly when a relationship ends I will feel a sense of regret for some weeks, but nothing I would describe as "pain".

My relationships start the way I imagine most others do: I meet a nice girl I find attractive, I ask her out to dinner, we have a nice time, I ask her out to another dinner, I take her to meet my friends etc,etc. Most of my relationships I have enjoyed very much. Girls have been an overwhelmingly positive experience in my life. I really love girls. Now I'm single, I spend a staggering amount of time thinking about girls, looking at girls, chasing girls. Sometimes I wish I could just turn it off and think about something else.

Anyway, I have never had my heart broken, and I think it's about time it happened. Or time to be in a relationship where I give up control. Where I can't eat if she doesn't answer my call, where I wonder where she is and what she's doing. Not that I want that I want to be like that permanently, but just once. To see what it's like.

Sometimes I worry that I don't have it in me. That my emotional range is too narrow, or something.

I think my best bet is to be extremely selective on who I ask out on a first date. I met a girl at a party on the weekend. A young eurasian girl who lives in a big house on the water. We had a good great night together, but I'm not going to see her again because I know this girl could not break my heart.

Does this sound right? How would one go about deliberately having their heart broken?

[1averagejoe]

Why the **** would you want to have your heartbroken?

I've never experienced the pain of breaking a bone, doesn't mean I want to and am going to set myself up to have one break. I'm sorry but that's retarded.

[Charlie Boy II]

I think I want to prove to myself that I'm capable of having my heart broken.

The reason I got to thinking about this was I was just looking through some photos Kristen sent me of herself in her lingerie when I was overseas. It gave me a sharp pang of longing and I suddenly got a strong urge to call her. That's normal, I guess, except after the first week of our breakup I haven't even really thought about Kristen. Well I have, but not a great deal. If I'm completely honest I haven't missed her all that much. Except I really loved her.... So why do I need shots of her in her underwear to make me miss her?

I read these threads in the Love Advice forum and some of them are so full of pain. I want to experience that.

[1averagejoe]

Were you the one to break up with her or did they break up with you?

[Charlie Boy II]

"they" - Kristen or all my girlfriends?

[Lipp]

Well, since you initiate things based on who you find to be attractive and only felt some stronger longing from seeing Kristen wearing lingerie (rather than just any photo) it sounds to me as if you're more focused on appearances, which might mean that it's easier to let them go when there are plenty of pretty girls in the sea but few who'll be something truly special beyond that.

What happened to the swedish lass anyways?

[Charlie Boy II]

I never called her after the wristy! I've been a pig lately. But I'm sure I'll see her again, I'm quite good friends with that whole group now and I often see them around. My mate is still dating the one he met on the first night we met them too. They're top girls.

Yeah I definitely am visual. For example, if my girlfriend is looking good on a particular day my feelings for her will be noticeably stronger. Appearance is usually my first priority - it's definitely not the only thing, but if I'm not into her looks I won't pursue her. But most guys are like that aren't they?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Of course. You know when people say looks are not a factor at all, i think they're liars. It's not the most important thing, but you gotta look decent at least. I dont think it's a guy thing, more so a people thing.

I argued with my ex over this before. He said I was all about looks cuz I only date guys taller than me (I'm 5'6 so that shouldnt be a damn problem) and i kept telling him looks is not all its about but I prefer some kinda good looks and being tall just happens to be the major one. So he started with the stupid talk that its not about looks and that looks dont matter at all. So I was like yea? Ok so that means you would date a huge ugly ass girl then? He said nah....so if it's not about looks then why would you not date a ugly big girl?

So yea....looks is a mega plus for me.

[IndiReloaded]

Law school, CB. Or as an intern. You'll meet them beautiful & brilliant. And that's the deadly heartbreaker combination. They will crush you unless you get lucky and make a good match straight off.

Mind, you might be the sort who isn't into girls who are the more 'serious' type. I knew guys like this as a student. Those guys seem to instinctively know it wasn't going anywhere with me w/o a lot of effort they weren't willing to invest. Like Vash says: water finds its own level.

[Lipp]

Yeah, looks sure do matter, I just don't see how it will ever be able to solidify a relationship well unless there's something special apart from that.

As a brief example I've had two serious crushes ever since starting uni 7 months ago, the first one was really pretty and we had a initial start but over time it became evident that we didn't quite connect even though she has a nice personality. And for the second it was more gradual and through a friendship (she's 3 years older and has even graduated by now, so don't think I quite considered the possibility at first) and we've connected marveously and she's beautiful in such a contrasting way to club girls, so things are developing and if such a day comes I think I'll break down if it ends badly.

But yeah, maybe it has to do with what your intentions are as well. I'm just looking for serious relationships, but everyone has their own preferences, I just don't think I can commit to being with anyone unless I like them alot.

[Charlie Boy II]

Law school, CB. Or as an intern. You'll meet them beautiful & brilliant. And that's the deadly heartbreaker combination. They will crush you unless you get lucky and make a good match straight off.

Mind, you might be the sort who isn't into girls who are the more 'serious' type. I knew guys like this as a student. Those guys seem to instinctively know it wasn't going anywhere with me w/o a lot of effort they weren't willing to invest. Like Vash says: water finds its own level.

Ha! you're actually spot on about the Law indi. I'm already working as a paralegal for a medium sized firm in the city and I've been astonished at the heavy female presence, and the quality of that presence. So many young, intelligent, glamorous women. Everytime I go to work I have to have my wits about me lest I be henpecked to death. In my area of the firm I work with six other paralegals: all women and two junior solicitors - both women. Mind you, all the partners and most of the senior associates are men but I don't know if that's a generational thing?

My mum, who is a damn fine lawyer herself, has predicted I'll end up marrying another lawyer. It was also my mum who said to me a few weeks ago it was about time I had my heart broken. I think that's what first put the idea in my head.

I don't know what you mean by girls of the more "serious" type? I don't just date bimbos if that's what you're getting at. Kristen was a girl after your own heart. She's just about done with a psychology degree and about to go on and do her masters. She wants to be a psychologist or a professor. And she does not take shit from anyone. One of the most self-assured people I've ever met. Kristen is a formidable woman, to be sure.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't know what you mean by girls of the more "serious" type? I don't just date bimbos if that's what you're getting at. Kristen was a girl after your own heart. She's just about done with a psychology degree and about to go on and do her masters. She wants to be a psychologist or a professor. And she does not take shit from anyone. Kristen is a formidable woman, to be sure.

I know you don't date bimbos.

I mean ones who are looking to settle down & have a family, CB. Kristen (and you) are obviously not ready for that. There are plenty of women who are high-powered and not looking for something serious. They will eat your heart with a bean salad for lunch. Just ask Cam about these women.

[Mish]

Does this sound right? How would one go about deliberately having their heart broken?

Without going into too much detail and to fast track, move in with a girl you really really like and live with her for about 3 to 5 years. Do everything together side by side (the catch, it has to be with someone you really like and enjoy spending time with) and then suddenly leave without coming back.

The closeness and intimacy you will develop in that period of time will resemble a family relationship. The pain you'll feel will be similar to as if your parents died. It will be like, bereavement.

[ecojeanne]

looks are important to you and i'm not surprised, they are to most pigs






































jk , hormones and pheromones and your age would have a lot to do with how you feel and act atm. its really not that unusual for guys to use as many girls as possible to 'spread the seed'.

imo men tend to be less connected emotionally (something to do with their mother or somthin)

you may not have the emotional depth to get your heart broken, there are many men like you out there; just natures law i suppose

[Junket]

You simply haven't invested in any one woman.

I was thinking about it the other day, since me and my girlfriend started co-habitating, life is a little different. It's a support system I've grown used to.

I feel like we got many of the kinks out of the way at this stage in the relationship so things are pretty smooth.

Thing is, I was thinkin' the other day "what if she died?"

My world would be turned upside down. I'd probably cry for days, skip work, watch porn in an attempt to dull the pain.

What if she just left me? Or cheated on me?

I'd probably cry, then get angry, then cry again, then punch something. The kind of familiarity you acquire with being with someone intimately for such an extended amount of time can be jarring once it's ripped away from you.

This is similar to my AmeriCorps experience, it was like breaking up with 8 other people. You go through all these hard times together, work together, play together, argue with each other, then make up with each other. Suddenly the day comes we all have to go our separate ways and we were all blubbering like babies. And afterwards all I could think about was my team, even months afterwards. Still called them, still texted them. It was a unique experience.