She won't talk to me (short edition)

[Bundy]

I guess that in order to get advice here I need to be more precise... Anyways, I posted a much larger version of this post also a few days ago, if anyone is interested...

In short, there's this girl I got along with, and I fell in love with. I'm 19 years old, she's 17 (in October she'll be 18). I didn't meet with her alone, but rather at class and in meetings with common friends of ours. We used to talk in the messenger.
But after a while I started getting gradually shunned. First she disappeared from the messenger, then she stopped answering SMSs, emails, answering my calls. I tried to invite her to talk our differences out, but she said she's not interested. I'm not willing to give in so easily, I believe there's still a lot we can share, although I'm very unskilled around girls (yes, I'm a 19 years old virgin). How should I go about in this matter?

[lesa]

She is not interested. There is no need to try and force a relationship and it probably would not last long if you managed to do it. Wouldn't you rather date someone who is excited to have your time?

[Bundy]

I'm not even talking about a relationship anymore. Even friendship is out of question for her... And we were good friends (I think).

[lesa]

I have not read the longer version but I would leave her alone. You can develop friendships with people who would enjoy your time.

[Bundy]

This of course is not what I wanted to hear... I want HER friendship, I want to enjoy special moments with her, no one else will do...

[lesa]

This of course is not what I wanted to hear... I want HER friendship, I want to enjoy special moments with her, no one else will do...

What would you like to hear? That doesn't sound healthy.

[Bundy]

I know very well that what I want to hear and the rational way to act are completely different. I'd like to hear a way to make her listen to me, and fix our problems once and for all, rather than "better go on"... And while going on is the rational way to act, my feelings for her are not rational at all...

[lesa]

Could this be a reason she does not want a friendship? I had a man that wanted to be friends with me and he continued to contact me and flirt with me and say I am just his friend but then he would say he loves me. It was spooky and I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. I usually don't do that but he wasn't rational so I had to end our 'friendship'.

[Bundy]

She knows I love her, and I understand she does not. But we were friends, do I deserve to be just shunned? Not even get a chance to try and work things out with her? The more someone tries to shun someone else, the person being shunned will naturally try to contact the other person more. Will be needing more desperately a sign that the other person still cares. I stopped getting that sign, and instead I suddenly started seeing neglect. In my opinion, the least I deserve is to talk to her about this, and to have her hear me out. The least I want is to remain her friend. I am not asking too much

[starbuck]

She knows I love her, and I understand she does not. But we were friends, do I deserve to be just shunned? Not even get a chance to try and work things out with her? The more someone tries to shun someone else, the person being shunned will naturally try to contact the other person more. Will be needing more desperately a sign that the other person still cares. I stopped getting that sign, and instead I suddenly started seeing neglect. In my opinion, the least I deserve is to talk to her about this, and to have her hear me out. The least I want is to remain her friend. I am not asking too much

No, when someone gets shunned, the obvious thing for the shun-nee to do is move on. Bundy, you need to stop thinking about what you "deserve." She doesn't owe you anything quite honestly. You can't force contact with her. Leave her alone. If she wants to contact you, she knows where to find you.

Yes, it hurts that you care, and she's not returning it. Let yourself have these emotions, but don't dwell on them. In the meantime, my advice to you is to find other distractions in your life so that you're not obsessing about this.

[miSSleepy]

She knows I love her, and I understand she does not. But we were friends, do I deserve to be just shunned?

I don't know, if you're as creepy as you sound in this thread, maybe you do. But whether you do or don't is really beside the point.

Not even get a chance to try and work things out with her?

You've had the chance, it didn't work.

The more someone tries to shun someone else, the person being shunned will naturally try to contact the other person more. Will be needing more desperately a sign that the other person still cares.

No, a desperate obsessed person will do that.

I stopped getting that sign, and instead I suddenly started seeing neglect. In my opinion, the least I deserve is to talk to her about this, and to have her hear me out. The least I want is to remain her friend. I am not asking too much

you seem to think that she owes you or is obligated to be your friend. What neglect? Neglect requires some sort of requirement from her to associate and keep contact with you. Well, I'm sorry, but she has nothing to do with you and she's made it clear that she wants to keep it that way. You need to learn to deal with it.

[shh!]

Males who won't take no for an answer are scary. Leave her alone, or she may have to take out a restraining order.

[xd3vilx]

If you want her to be her friend, leave her alone for now. Until she is comfortable with you don't want to be anything more than just friend, she will be more open up to u. If you still hope to be with her more than a friend, give it up. It obvious she have no little abit interest in u at all. I experience this b4 n this is the best advise I can give u.

[ecojeanne]

ok ur 19, i will allow for that. I dont think that ur neccessarily a creep....slightly ott to call u that. However this u NEED to treat as a learning experience. U cant always have what u want. Thats life! next time u like a girl....keep ur cool, treat her like u wld ur male friend...do u constantly annoy ur best mate? no of course not....i kno u probably dislike hearing the truth but uve let ur emotions take over rationality...wake up! spend time with friends and family and find other distractions...join a club...a group....whatever...

[Bundy]

When I say that I deserve a chance to speak with her, I mean that's not how I expect a friend to treat me... I'd expect from her a bit of attention. And yes, I have been busy with other stuff, but it does not stop her from being the first thought I have when I wake up in the morning. Well, in about a month we'll be going again to a convention with some other friends for a few days. I hope I can take her aside there and speak with her.