Moving out on my own but in a relationship..what to do?

[YoungNade]

i have been with my girlfriend for 3yrs. we have spoken about moving in together in the past and i i thought i was "ready". in the past year of our relationship, we have been up and down on the emotional/fighting roller coaster.

i still live at home with family and im 24 yrs old. At this moment in time, i feel its time for me to move out but on my own. My g/f is very upset at the fact that WE should be moving together now and not me and on my own. It hurts me because i know this means alot to her but i do NOT feel 100% right about moving in with her. i love her very much but i really would like to be on my own-like a man should be in his life when its time to mature and move on. She feels that i will "keep her on the side" and in a sense my "independence" will in a sense drive us apart.

I’m an opportunistic guy and strongly, strongly feel we can go through this. Any opinions?

[tufty]

she is insecure, she has a romantic idea of playing house with you. believe me when the reality hits she wont fancy it all that much lol.

tell her you wouldnt mind her having a couple of drawers or part of a wardrobe for her stuff when she stays over [if thats what u want].

she should realise it will be just the same as it is now but with a private place to go and do 'stuff'.

make it exciting for her, help her imagine what it will be like, u can walk round nakid, have sex on the washing machine, bj in the lounge, and she doesnt have to wash ur smelly boxers - tis perfect in my opinion

[YoungNade]

lmao. u r right about that, BUT i will have roomates (95% sure)...we can still have our privacy but not walking around naked. lol

either way, i think i will do it...and its sad because i do want to be with her and i am jeopardizing our relationship (this is how she sees it)

thank you for your wisdom and opinion

[Gigabitch]

If this is jeopardizing your relationship, it's not a very strong relationship. She sounds manipulative.

[YoungNade]

manipulative? that much?

what makes you feel that way? (i would love to hear your response and opinion!)

[Gigabitch]

what makes you feel that way? (i would love to hear your response and opinion!)

The fact that she is threatening to end the relationship, even if it's in veiled terms. What i hear is, "If you don't move in with me, we might just....break up!"

You know damned well it wouldn't be you breaking up. It would be her. She is making sideways threats that are, in themselves, jeopardizing the relationship.

[YoungNade]

interesting. thanks Gigabitch!

is it wrong for me to want to live by myself (right now)?

i can c us moving in together later, but now i feel i need a certain space while maintaining full time job, school and relationship

[YoungNade]

Tufty

i just finished reading about your situation...wow lol. just keep your cool and that wall up (slightly) because if he sees a weakness he might attack..so be ready!

u sound like a sweetheart anyways, so dont get your heart broken!!!

thanks again

[Gigabitch]

No, it is not wrong. In fact, if you moved directly out of your parents house and in with your girlfriend, you'd be missing an important developmental stage and you'd always wonder what you missed.

She should play the "long game" and realize that it's better for her if you get this out of your system.

[YoungNade]

u r the 4th person that has said this to me..seems like a recurring theme aye?

anywhoo..

i will try and stay focused. i told her that i couldnt see myself bending backwards and saying "sure babe, lets move in. i dont want you upset anymore!"

no

if u have any other tips, please do not hesitate to fire!

[Asip4u]

The fact that she is threatening to end the relationship, even if it's in veiled terms. What i hear is, "If you don't move in with me, we might just....break up!"

You know damned well it wouldn't be you breaking up. It would be her. She is making sideways threats that are, in themselves, jeopardizing the relationship.

Giga, I think she's just at a different stage in her life that's all. Some women mature faster than guys so in this case she loves him and wants to be with him so for her moving in is the right thing to do. He's not ready to move in with her yet because he wants to experience "other things". It's as clear as day. Nothing really wrong with this I just don't think it's something you can really work on right now.

[YoungNade]

Giga, I think she's just at a different stage in her life that's all. Some women mature faster than guys so in this case she loves him and wants to be with him so for her moving in is the right thing to do. He's not ready to move in with her yet because he wants to experience "other things". It's as clear as day. Nothing really wrong with this I just don't think it's something you can really work on right now.

that is also something that came up in our brief convo last night (we are going to discuss again tonight-fully).

she is obviously at a different stage like you said, and it is obvious. i just feel that being in a relationship takes a lot motivation and patience, this situation REALLY needs both of the elements to work from both parties.

[Asip4u]

that is also something that came up in our brief convo last night (we are going to discuss again tonight-fully).

she is obviously at a different stage like you said, and it is obvious. i just feel that being in a relationship takes a lot motivation and patience, this situation REALLY needs both of the elements to work from both parties.

I totally understand what you're saying, it's just that when you are at different stages like you and her are, you will have to go through hell to make it work. You know her better than anyone. If you think that somehow she can be motivated and stay patient, than give it a shot.

[lil_bohemian]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have your own place and be independent. As a matter of fact it's healthy. Besides, in a good relationship, you respect each others independence and individuality. You have to find a nice way to make her understand that.

Good luck!

[girl68]

interesting. thanks Gigabitch!

is it wrong for me to want to live by myself (right now)?

i can c us moving in together later, but now i feel i need a certain space while maintaining full time job, school and relationship

Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to do this. In fact I advise you to move out without her. It's not like you're going anywhere!

Does she know that you can see living with her a little later? Does she realize that she can't pressure a man into doing something? I can promise you that if you move in with her now it won't be long until she's expecting a ring... because after all that's what comes next. And if she's rushing you into this; I'll bet big money she'll rush you into rings and marriage.