She says she is interested, but busy (and stressed)...

[oshjo75]

This will be a long one so get ready...my main question is...Even though we text everyday, is it normal for a "new" perspective girlfriend to be too tired,/stressed/busy to make time to see me? Ill explain further...

I just came out of a 3.5 year relationship and recently started dating again. While watching football one day, I saw a commercial for match.com and decided to make a profile. A few weeks pass and I message this beautiful girl on there with no hopes of her ever returning a message back to me. Anyways a day or two passes and she actually messages me back and we exchange phone numbers. We begin texting back and forth for about a week and we literally have so much in common it is absurd. Both of us say we are interested in each other and we plan a date which basically consisted of going to Applebees (lol) and just introducing ourselves. The date went without a hitch and we made each other laugh and smile and we had great conversation for about 1.5-2 hours and each made references about second dates and overall had a great time until she tells me that she has a minor migrane. So on her behalf, I asked for the check and decided to call it quits and head home. We hug and go on our way. She texts me on the way home and says text me so I know you got home ok (she lived about 5 minutes away from where we were, I live about 40 minutes away) and I say I will. Later that night we continue texting and just make small talk and tell each other that we each had a great time.

A few days pass and we are still talking everyday and things are great. We talk about everything from what our favorite colors are to sexual things to future goals. She tells her grandma and mom about me as I tell my family about her. Everything is wonderful. She tells me she gets off of work at 10 one night and I should go to her house and hang out and meet her family, which I am excited as hell for. Earlier in the week she gets swamped with more work than usual, gets a migrane every day for 4 straight days which causes her to go the the ER, and eventually miss class. The entire time I am very supportive and tell her I am here for you and just nice things like that. I even ask her if she would like if I stop to see her at work and she says yes so I did one day for around 20 minutes and we just made small talk. She makes references that she wants me to cuddle with her, calls me her Pooh Bear (I can do a spot on impression of Winnie the Pooh that she loves), along with other nice things.

Two days pass and the following day is our date. I ask her if we are still on for the date and she says that, "migrane depending" yes we are. Then on the morning of our second date, she says she will be too tired to hang out but does not have a migrane. She then says she will text me back but never did for a few hours when I know she is just lounging around doing nothing. I then try to set up a date on Sunday to go out but she declines and says that Sunday is her day to get caught up on school work, which is understandable. We reassure that we are both interested in each other and still text alot but I always feel like I am the one who has to set up dates. I just told her that when she is ready, she can tell me when she wants to hang out. Im not sure if she is just having a rough patch in life right now due to the migranes/school/work or what is going on. I know relationships take time but I really enjoy every aspect about this girl and dont want to scare her away by saying something stupid like "why didnt you want to talk to me" or "it sounds like you have some free time, lets hang out". What should be my next step and how should I treat this situation.

Thanks for reading and I look forward to all the advice that you have to offer.

[smackie9]

Too long make it shorter......we don't nee to know where you met or what you did on a first date.......just the bare facts will get you a quicker response.

[love guru]

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[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just forget about her and go after other girls. If a girl is interested, there are no "buts".

[Sweet Lemon]

Hi Oshjo

It's a tough situation but I'd give her the benefit of the doubt for another couple of weeks. Unless you're really into someone you don't tell your grandma about them so I think she's probably interested. Both of my aunts suffer from terrible migraines which can last for days and afterwards there is the inevitable exhaustion from the lack of sleep and the pain. She might need a bit of time to catch up with her school work and to smooth things over with her employer before she can properly dedicate some time to you.

However if after a couple of weeks this continues I'd be inclined to say that she's flakey and unreliable and you're probably better off cutting your losses and meeting someone who is going to be able to be just as crazy about you as you are about them.

Keep in mind that if things do work out for you her migraines might impact on your relationship if they are an ongoing medical problem and she's going to need a lot of patience. No one likes to be bitched out when their head is thumping.

The only red flag that is raised for me is if she genuinely has a migraine why is she constantly texting on her phone? It hurts your eyes to look at light when you have a migraine (I've had one before I know from experience) and all you want to do is lay down in a dark room and either vomit or die. However like I said give her the benefit of the doubt. If nothing changes move on. I hope this helped!

~Lemons

[oshjo75]

Sweet Lemon thank you very much. I will elaborate on the texting. She might text me once every half hour so its not every second that we are talking. I am very attracted to this girl and want nothing else, than for her to be happy and stress free. Thank you for the awesome response!

[Sweet Lemon]

No worries

The length of your post is fine btw.

~Lemon

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Stop texting her so much, and stop being so available in general. I know you won't listen. Keep taking sweet lemon's advice, and keep us updated, lulz.

[bulrush]

Sounds like you two have a lot in common, and she plainly said she is interested. But it also sounds like she is busy and you will have to be flexible with that. I say keep going. Sounds like she is fine with everything as long as you set up the dates. Is that ok with you?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You need to be dating other women along with her. Focusing all your attention on a girl like this lets her know that you're a sap and will put up with anything, and also takes away chances you will have with other girls. You two aren't in a relationship, and you can bet that she's talking to other guys, so you should still be pursuing other women.

[Wakeup]

One thing that you should be keeping forefront in your mind, Op is that if a girl is interested in you, that even if she is busy or has a migrane, she may cancel but she will immediately suggest another day. She won't just cancel.

Don't contact her again. I suggest you let her do a little of the work after you've texted her telling her that she knows where you are when/if she's actually interested in having that second date. If she never contacts you to do that, then you have your answer. In the meantime, while you're waiting send out a bunch more emails to gals that interest you.

You've had ONE mediocre date with her and you're pinning far too much on her at this point of time and with her indifferent actions (thus far) you're not doing yourself any favors by clinging to hope with her. She'll come to you if she thinks you're worth it.

[oshjo75]

Thanks to everyone for all of your responses. I am taking a little bit of all of your suggestions.

As of today we are talking ALOT less and I guess somewhere along the way I said something that made her mad so she has been quiet. I said something about an ex that she thought was wrong (even though I have no idea what I said lol) so long story short we are talking less and I kinda am "putting the ball in her court" type of thing. I think she is confused, stressed, immature and unsure about overall life. I am 23 and she is 20. I may sound like "less of a man" for saying this but I am being a little more lenient with her because she is easily the most beautiful woman I have ever been with. If things progress then fantastic, if they dont then her loss. I suggested that we go out this friday so we will see what comes of it. If she declines this time I will know if she is 100% interested or not. Thanks again!