Clueless

[jen_sunshine]

Please give me advice because I’m really running out of ideas on how to get my ex to talk to me.

I met him nearly 2 years ago, he came into my workplace and we were inseparable for 4 months after that. I had never been in a serious relationship before and he’s the only guy I’ve ever truly loved.

He’s 23 and I’m 19, he had been in a long relationship that ended just before he met me because the other girl cheated. After a month of knowing him he said he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me because apparently I am the best thing that has ever happened to him.
Our relationship was perfect. Up until he decided that he needed a break and to be on his own for a while. We couldn’t do it because we were both still in love so we carried on our relationship casually for a further 3 months.

I found out I was pregnant at the end of this time and at first he was over the moon and wanted me back – stupidly I said no because I wanted to take things slowly. Another girl then asked him out about a month later and he said yes but we still couldn’t stop spending time together. He was with her for 2 months and then we decided to make a fresh start and try again. Things were great until he took me away for the weekend. He got a text message when he was asleep so I read it and found out he was still with this other girl behind my back, everybody knew and it was only me kept in the dark.

I was so humiliated so I asked him to choose between me and the baby or her. At first he picked her and I was really heartbroken. We did get back together officially a few weeks later and fell in love all over again, he even said he regretted his entire ‘secret’ relationship.

Finally everything was perfect, we were in love and had a baby on the way but there turned out to be complications and I lost the baby. I couldn’t face seeing him and he found out what had happened 3weeks later.

I know I should have told him straight away but now he won’t even speak to me. I made excuses to see him and he always met me but I could never get out the right words to say how I feel. Now I know exactly what I want to say and I do think it would make a difference but he has started seeing someone else.
All I want is 5 minutes to talk; I can’t live with not telling him how I feel. We are perfect for each other, everyone says so but he won’t speak to me or see me now that he has started seeing someone else.

I don’t know what to do

[Gigabitch]

If he was actually "perfect for you" he wouldn't be seeing these other women. You're trying to polish a turd, honey.

Let him go and find someone who doesn't dick you around like that.

[Junket]

Sorry, I'm lost at the part where you want to have anything to do with him.

Was he rich or something? Because unless he has a shit load of money, I can't see why any other woman would want to be with this little boy.

It sounds to me like you're a drama addict that thrives on emotion. You need to take a look at yourself before you consider getting back with this irresponsible bloke.

[Lite]

Look, you're going through something rather traumatic here. Go talk to someone about it. A counselor, or priest, a therapist, anyone. Stop trying to hold on to a broken and destroyed wasteland of a relationship because you're hurting. Getting him back won't fix your emotions.

[jen_sunshine]

thanks guys. I know I shouldn't want him back after everything that happened and I do talk to other people about it. when he found out he just left so we havn't really talked about it. I know this sounds stupid but the only person I want to talk to is him but he wont speak to me right now.

[Lite]

thanks guys. I know I shouldn't want him back after everything that happened and I do talk to other people about it. when he found out he just left so we havn't really talked about it. I know this sounds stupid but the only person I want to talk to is him but he wont speak to me right now.

It's not stupid to feel the way you do, but let's face it. You lied to him via omission. It was his child too and you didn't respect him enough to tell him. Can you blame him for feeling upset? Obviously you have a right to your feelings too, but you're basically dismissing the fact that you've betrayed his trust.

You really need to find someone other than him to talk to. Even if he's the only person you want to talk to, you're obviously not the person HE wants to talk to. This isn't all just about you.

[Gigabitch]

I know this sounds stupid but the only person I want to talk to is him but he wont speak to me right now.

Actually, you're lucky. He's making it really easy to walk away from him and his nonsense. As soon as you get some perspective, you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking.

[Junket]

Plus look at it this way, the baby is gone, and so is any link between you two.

You want to talk to him but you don't need to. In fact, you need to not want to talk to him.

What else are you doing with your life?

[savoysuit]

I think you need to talk to someone about these issues in person. A forum isn't good enough.

[fi123]

Just wanted to say so sorry about u losing the baby, it must have been very hard for you. But i would seriously have a think about whether this guy is "perfect" for you - do u want to spend the rest of your life wondering if he is being faithful to you?

You have to learn the difference between being in love with someone and thinking they are perfect for you.

Love is tricky....it tricks you into thinking that that person is perfect for you just because you love them. Being in love with someone does NOT mean they are perfect for you.

Besides in my book, someone who is perfect for you is someone who is faithful to you.....call me old fashioned...

[jen_sunshine]

thanks I've never really thought about it as betraying his trust.

I'm at college so trying to focus on that but there's just so much I want to say to him even if it doesn't make a difference to our relationship, I know I've hurt him but I want to try and make it better.

Since he left we havn't talked about it at all. My friends think I should write a letter to him but I don't know how a guy would take that after everything thats happened.