Hi.
This is my first post, but I would love some help.
I've read threads here, so I hope I manage not to annoy many people.
Last night I broke up with my bf of 2 years. We are both 26.
He has been in my life for 5 years: as friend, lover, roomate, lover again, and then bf.
We have made a lot of mistakes together, and always worked it out somehow.
I broke up with him for a lot of valid reasons: he can be unreliable, he is emotionally needy, he refuses to grow up, he takes more than he gives, he is passive-aggressive.
That said, he has also been there when no one else can tolerate me. He is a kind guy who lavishes me with affection (when I saw him) . I have always known he loved me. He has been a constant source of love in my sometimes lonely life. He loved me when I didn't love myself.
I have an overall bad history with men. I am wary of commitment and dish up a lot of crap. I can be aggressive at times: this has caused a lot of problems.
I am working on tempering my anger and learning how to be assertive, rather than so bullish. I realize though that sometimes I come across as a brute who can be rather insensitive to men's feelings.
So, last night we had made plans to get together and talk about my dissatisfaction with barely seeing him. I had brought it up before, but he is passive-aggressive remember, and he constantly tried to avoid any such talk.
Anyways, he finally calls me from outside my apartment at 3 in the morn. He is stoned and dopey. I was really annoyed. I told him to come up and crash on my couch until he was sober enough to drive. He agreed and I talked to him until he passed out. Then I went to my bed to sleep. I woke up to find him naked beside me and caressing me. Oh I was so pissed, and I decided NO MORE! By now he was sober, and I made sure of it. This was just a way to avoid the mess and jump back into the sex part.
I told him it was over, end of story. I walked with him to the door, somehow managing not to get loud n' fussy, I felt dead calm, and as he was leaving he said "Oh. Is this because I didn't hit on you tonight?"
I don't like him at this point, and I think that's reasonable.
But I want to work on myself.
I feel abandoned. This guy wasn't right for me, and he was being an ass when I needed him to be normal.
I know there is some deeper issue here with me that needs to be addressed before I can even think of dating/another relationship.
I don't want to keep repeating myself til I'm 60.
thanks for listening, and anything you may want to say