How to make visits with BF more exciting

[DarkNeko]

I hate to say it, but when I go and visit my boyfriend, I sometimes find I don't get too excited about it because I know for a fact it's going to be a boring visit. There's a lot of things that factor into this...

- BF is unemployed and has maybe $50 to his name that his parents will not allow him to spend. I'm doing freelance work for pennies (since there are no jobs around here) and I need basically every dollar I can get since I have to pay several hundred dollars a month toward my student loans. Sooo...little to no money.

- BF does not have his own car and borrows his parents' old one. Since he has no life/health insurance, his parents don't allow him to take the car out of town. Everything that is even remotely amusing is out of town.

- BF doesn't feel like forking over a couple bucks to put toward condoms (I'd pay the other half), and I kind of want him to since I bought the last box. 'Traditional' sex is out.

- We don't like too many of the same movies, and the ones we do both like he never wants to watch. Movies are out.

- We both like video games, but like movies, there's only a few we both like. We rarely play games together because he's better than I am and he knows he can beat me, so I pose no challenge. Games are mostly out.

Basically, all I have to look forward to when I see him is looking at new pictures he found online, watching a show we both enjoy, or foreplay. I love being around him, but holy hell, I sometimes find I want to go back home because we have absolutely *nothing* to do. Can anyone make any suggestions as far as how to entertain ourselves in ways that don't cost much or any money?

[girl68]

Why are you with such a loser?

[QueenofCorona]

Haha. Um...yeah, kinda have to agree with girl68 there. What do you LIKE about him? Maybe I can think of something if I knew his good qualities. Maybe take him to a job employment agency or career fair for shits and giggles? Those are free. He needs to get a jobby job, not only for the money but it would make him more interesting and social.

[Chupacabras]

You sure don't seem to have a lot in common... apart from suggesting finding some more common interests, all I can say is this is just gonna get worse.

[Illusional]

your bf sounds like a loser... well maybe he doesn't have the outgoing personality that you are looking for. anyways, besides him being unmotivational, what more do you want? if it's more of a hassle to push him, then the door is right there.


if you want to work this out, then you're going to have to do the planning. head to the park or just chill at the mall and window shop. i'm guessing that you're atleast 18 so these shouldn't be a problem. if you two are athletic, then exercise together or head to the beach or lake, whichever is around you. there are a number of things to do, however, putting the fun into these activities is all up to you. hiking and outdoor activities are always a bonus.

raverboy

[Gigabitch]

Bring a date.

[DarkNeko]

I like a few things about him...he's not abusive in any way, he has a good sense of humor, he can be romantic (like writing love poems, which I always liked), he's a coffee fiend like me, he adores cats like I do, he's sweet (when he's not in space cadet zone-out MMORPG mode...then he's just sort of a zombie), he's good looking, and he's good with conversation if the right topics are brought up. But when I said there's *nothing* to do around here, I meant it. We live in Nowheresville. There's no beach, no lake, no hiking trails, no picnic grounds, and the nearest mall is 20 minutes away out of town, which means we can't go there unless it's with other people. We aren't athletic, so we can't exercise together. I like playing DDR, but he doesn't because he can't keep up with the arrows. The only fun place I could think of is the playground several blocks from his house. And most of the time I hate staying at his house anyway because his parents are usually whining about something or another and they chain-smoke in the house (makes it very difficult for me to breathe and I come home smelling like a bar), but it's usually all we can do. I asked him if he might want to see about going to an anime convention in a nearby town with friends this month...he said he didn't want to go or ask our friends what they had planned. Often, the most excitement we see is going to the nearest gas station or a local cafe for coffee, or rarely, getting Chinese food (which I, of course, pay for). Anything we want to do that costs more than free I end up paying for in full.

When the spring rolls around, we can probably walk around the shithole neighborhood he lives in (not making fun of it...I lived on the same street until I was 14 and I can verify it is a dump) or walk across the levy and throw rocks in the river. But there is absolutely nothing to do here. Hell, when I was in high school, my ex and I were so bored after class that we'd go hang out in the hospital cafeteria and eat the free sugar packets since we couldn't afford coffee. Moving isn't an option...not right now anyway. I want to see if I get accepted into grad school before deciding to move, and even if I do, odds are my BF won't join me because he doesn't want to move away from friends.

I don't know...maybe I'm just really high-maintenance. What do couples normally do to entertain themselves? I'm not used to this...when I was in college, it was no big deal for me to hop on a bus and go out and just wander. One particular spot I liked allowed me to go to the mall, the used book store, and Starbucks on foot, and then catch the bus back home. Or I'd walk a few miles to the thrift store and hang there for a couple hours. Or go to another used book store and then to the cafe across the street. I guess I got too used to the freedom and the selection.

[Chupacabras]

What a dull guy... doubt there's much you can do to change this situation.

[Gigabitch]

I don't know...maybe I'm just really high-maintenance.

Oh, come on, Neko. You know you're not. The guy won't even spring for condoms, for God's sake, he won't even pay half. You are not the problem, here.

[Illusional]

haha ^^^^ i was going to say that same thing. if you think that this is high maintenance, wait until you come to a larger city. it's crazy..!!

anyhow, it seems that most of your fun or better moments together are ones that you have spend together using very little money. there is nothing wrong with that, but i feel that his needs and your needs and starting to differ. you want more excitement and drive in your life while your bf doesn't want any huge changes in life. not really marriage material if you ask me. well i will tell you don't hold yourself back because of your bf. if he's there for you, then he'll be there. if you feel like grad school is a better choice, trust me, you'll meet a lot more interesting and money driven people in the real world.

raverboy

[all alone]

ditch that loser then work your way out of that town. You clearly arn't happy there.

[DarkNeko]

I don't think I'm going to marry him...which will definitely break his heart since he wants to get married when I get out of grad school. I intend to ask him if he wants to join me in any significant life endeavors, such as moving, but if he chooses to not join me, I will go anyway, either on my own or with a friend. I would like to hope he'd come with me and get the hell out of our hometown, but he may just be too comfortable in his current lifestyle to up and move.

I figure maybe when one or both of us has a little money, things will be more fun. We will be able to afford to go out now and then for dinner, go see a movie, and so forth...just exploiting the few entertainment venues we do have available. But I know there's few ways to have fun that are free, and sadly free is our best and, in some cases, only option. Honestly, though...what are some things he and I can do to entertain ourselves? If I get bored spending five or six hours with him, I don't know how the hell I'm going to function if/when we're living together.

[Gigabitch]

I just envision a huge, heavy anchor chained to your leg when I think about your relationship with this completely unsatisfactory guy. Someday you'll be with someone who is actually interested in you, someone who never runs out of topics of conversation, someone who could have fun in a town like Nowheresville because he's just a blast. Someone who actually wants to have sex with you. Then you'll look back on this time in your life and say to yourself, "What the **** was I thinking?"

[Pietomb]

Sounds to me like he doesn't want to grow up and move on like you do. You keep saying "We will be able to afford to go out" it seems more of a YOU. Like most other people have said find someone a bit better. Or atleast do all the things you enjoy, like getting the bus out to places or going out with friends, it's then up to him to get a job so he can afford to join you, if not it's tough luck for him.

[DarkNeko]

I wouldn't say he's unsatisfactory...we just have such different tastes that it requires more thought to come up with things to do together. I really don't think breaking up is the answer; in my case, it's the same as burning down the whole house to get rid of a scratch on a wall...an extreme solution to a tiny, fixable problem. Besides, I can't very well do things with him if he's not with me, can I? As asked before, does anyone know of any ways he and I can sort of amuse ourselves when we spend time together? Breaking up isn't really a good way to strengthen my relationship.