Help, starting all over again!

[Jenswaiting]

I started dating again in February after my partner of a year and a half passed away a year ago. I haven't dated in a very long time; the last two relationships I was in were long term and I kind of "fell into". I'm unsure about men because I've had a number of bad experiences and also a tendancy to over worry.

I've just started dating a new guy, that I met on an internet dating site. He seems really nice and genuine, and happens to be quite a bit younger than me. From our first online chat we have been in contact every day (mostly texting and a phone call), until our second date. We've been on two dates and both went very well. I feel that we've connected and I like him. However I haven't heard from him since our second date, which was only two days ago. Is this a typical male pattern to wait to contact? I'm very curious about this because the last guy I dated acted very similar. Shall I just wait for him to contact me, or would it be ok for me to contact him first?

Thanks for your help!

Jen

[Boisdevie]

I'd be worried becuase he's younger than you. How much younger?
And to be honest in my honest opinion if he was interested he would be in touch with you asap.
And I'm sorry that you lost your partner - I cannot begin to imagine how shite that must be

[Jenswaiting]

Well he's about 15 years younger than me, but fairly mature....runs his own business, has his own home and busy life, which are all important.

I guess what I'm trying to establish....do guys play it cool after things get heated on a date? We were physically intimate (but didn't have sex), it got intense, not just physically but through our conversation...we really connected. Any thoughts or advice?

Thank you!

Jen

[Boisdevie]

You are asking questions that are impossible to answer. Do guys play it cool|? Depends on the guy because each situation is unique and like women no guy is like another guy. I think you'll have to talk to him. But good luck.

[Jenswaiting]

Thanks for your replies Boisdevie.

I received a response from him this past weekend that seemed rather noncommital, despite this I was somewhat relieved. I assume that if he has contacted me that he's still interested, however his responses are now days intead of minutes. Seeing as I haven't really dated in the last 10 years I'm at a bit of a loss. I refuse to chase a man, I believe the man should do the chasing.

[Boisdevie]

I refuse to chase a man, I believe the man should do the chasing.

Disagree. My GF chased me and now we're an item. The idea that the man should do the chasing is sexist bullshit

[Jenswaiting]

LOL Ok. I've come to this conclusion because the last guy I dated turned into a wimp after I chased him, and because I've obviously been reading sexist bullshit books about letting a man chase you, because he likes the hunt.

So, I'm now interested in a younger man and waiting to hear back from him. What would you suggest? I've responded back to his text acting interested but not begging for a date, and sent this yesterday. I still haven't heard from him. It's clear to me from our dates that he likes to be dominant. Would you suggest that I follow my text up or wait for a reply?

[pisces25]

To me it sounds like he could be losing interest. If you went from contact everyday to him taking days to respond it isn't a good sign. I hate game-playing and the like so if it was me I would text and just say 'would you like to meet up again? If not please let me know so I can stop hassling you' or something like that. Sucks that there seemed to be a connection though, don't understand why someone would go cold if that was the case.

[vashti]

Wait for him to contact you, but I agree it sounds like he may be losing interest.

Here's a word of advice from someone who has only been back in the dating world for a tiny bit longer than you: I never realized how many younger men want to have sex with an older woman. I routinely get hit on by men in their late 20s - 30s. I am >40. Enjoy it if you like, but keep in mind they are probably just looking for sex, which would explain why this guy is cooling off after not getting any.

[Jenswaiting]

Thanks for the advice Vashti.

I must say I'm disappointed...he came on strong (both physically and emotionally), but reassured me (for a second time) that he wasn't just interested in sex (aka he's interested in older women because of their maturity). He also proceeded to tell me that very little would put him off (grr!) and that he had already been telling his friends about me. I wonder if he was just a charmer.

I'm very frustrated about dating. I'm already being put off and since I've started dating again I've only met 4 men! I may give up and turn into a cat lady!

[Boisdevie]

Dating can be difficult - I met a lot of women before I met 'the one', But think of dates as having an interesting evening meeting somebody new.

[vashti]

I guess some things never change: men lie to get sex! haha

Actually, I am finding the males in their late 20s are pretty honest about it, which I kind of like. It's so much nicer than being lied to. I hate having my intelligence insulted. I think worse are the ones who are age-appropriate, but are desperate to be involved with someone again because they can't stand being alone. They are usually still pretty bitter about the loss of their prior relationship though, and are emotionally needy. They become clingy pretty rapidly.

And then, there are the age-appropriate overgrown teenagers who spend all their spare time working out, chasing women, partying, or looking in a mirror. Yuck.

I can't see myself settling for anything other than a grown man, and to be honest, I'm not seeing a lot of that out there. So I am dating some, but very casually. If you keep your expectations very low, and view dating primarily as an option to staying in and watching TV, it's not so bad.

[Jenswaiting]

I think you're spot on Vashti. Of the men I've dated, more than half have become clingy and over-the-top, and these men were age appropriate. I can't think of anything more of a turn off. On the flip side though, the men I've been interested in have been distant. Must be a glutton for punishment. lol

I guess I need to rethink this whole dating thing really. Be a bit more reasonable and not take the whole thing so seriously. Although my problem right now is that my clock is ticking loudly and it's got only a few years left!

[Jenswaiting]

Following up on this....

He's now sending me a random text every once in a while. I have no clue why unless he's trying to see if I'm still interested. Generally I'm acting reserved. Do you think he's waiting for me to ask him out?

[vashti]

I think he's keeping his options open.