Why is it that I always miss out?

[bigfella247]

I haven't been on for a while, but hey.

I suppose the title really says it all. Without boasting I'm a very funny guy, tall, with nice hair (so I'm told), good principles and from what I see I always treat girls with much better respect than my mates with girlfriends (perhaps too well).

The best I've ever had was a kiss from a fiend of mine I sorta liked after we'd had just a few (admittedly we were in a state of post car-crash tragedy confusion from a couple of months earlier) who feigned drunken innocence later and fobbed me off...I suppose its not a very good example...

no girl I ever try for works out, I feel lonely, depressed and generally like crap because of my constant failure before even trying to tell a girl my feelings

Why on earth do I always miss out?

PS: don't worry I'm not some whinging 13 year old - I'm a Uni student

[boobaa]

I know exactly how you feel. Maybe its just that you haven't tried enough?

[Tedel]

Fast answer:
Sometimes you just need to stop being a gentleman and start behaving a man. You get my point, don't you?

[bigfella247]

I get where you're coming from, but what sort of things could I do or changes I could makes, what should I NOT do

[bluesummer]

I can tell you what NOT to do. Don't start acting like an asshole to get women. Keep up your good nature, just be a little more assertive.

Also keep in mind that for some people finding a bf/gf doesn't happen overnight, or without effort. Sometimes it means you need to be more proactive (try online dating sites, get involved in extracurricular activites that expose you to lots of perople with similar interests, start up convos with girls that look interesting). Sometimes you have to take chances on different types than you'd usually look for too.....sometimes there's a diamond in the rough.

Like my bf always says to me, nice guys may finish last, but they finish with the best.

[lemonade69]

maybe you're TOO nice, you know what i mean? how d'u go about 'going for' these girls? give us more details. ohh and the 'be a man' advice is very, very good.

a general rule is: if you're getting good vibes, escalate <-- that's the only way to get somewhere, and keep escalating (don't fall backwards)

[bigfella247]

Maybe that is somewhere I can improve. I don't take risks through fear of failure - I try to make a relationship like one would make a perfect deal (I should have been born in the 1800's with rich parents I could arrange a marriage essentially with someone I liked!) if I see a risk I am usually off the bandwagon -in all areas of life. Well I've gone through some pretty big changes and tragedies and I am fundamentally changed because of them - perhaps just one more change to take a risk every now and then could do me good

[FoxyLaydee]

I can tell you what NOT to do. Don't start acting like an asshole to get women. Keep up your good nature, just be a little more assertive.

I agree..

[bigfella247]

wow that was quick, already working on something -wish me luck - but it'd pay not to get too excited either!

[lemonade69]

you still haven't elaborated how you're 'trying for' these girls yet. i think that could give a clue.

d'u have any targets right now?

[bigfella247]

yes, I may know if its working very soon : P we're having a lunch break together!

[bigfella247]

I apologise for commiting the sin of 'threadomancy' but its of the same thing...

Things still have not progressed in these past months, I feel increasingly depressed and lonely, as if I'm the only person who is single (which is even to me, obviously untrue)

Also keep in mind that for some people finding a bf/gf doesn't happen overnight, or without effort. Sometimes it means you need to be more proactive (try online dating sites, get involved in extracurricular activites that expose you to lots of perople with similar interests, start up convos with girls that look interesting). Sometimes you have to take chances on different types than you'd usually look for too.....sometimes there's a diamond in the rough.

I started being more proactive as was suggested, I talk to lots of people and go out more with all the uni crowd. But as natural selection would have it...the loud, attractive and the agressive get everyone I try to strike up a conversation with...meaning I'm left in a corner with mates or talking to girls who have boyfriends (innocently -I'm no thief) while my 'favoured' mates are dancing with a throng of single attractive girls

Like my bf always says to me, nice guys may finish last, but they finish with the best.

It's beginning to look that way - I hope. Is it that I and all the nice-guys have to wait for girls to grow up so they can notice us?

[boobaa]

Don't hope. Speak up when needed. But don't overreact. Remember, talk is silver, silence is gold.
I am 20 and never had a real relationship. I just never went to parties to get girls, I don't know how exactly this happened... And those girls I have had a crush on, have never really worked out. But here is my simple advice:

How do you feel like dancing btw? Do you ever dance, at home when listening to music for example? If so, next time you are in some new party, ask some girl to dance, see what happens. However, don't get your hopes up with that one case because that is just practice for more until you are confident enough to get what you want.

[DoesntMatter]

You aren't missing shit

[shh!]

Have you tried asking your more sucessful buddies for some tips? You might try to mimic some of their mannerisms.

In my experience, though, "nice" guys are often perceived as "too soft". Do you have an issue with setting boundaries, or do you act like a doormat sometimes?