for those struggling with no contact + 'what ifs?' about the ex

[tremolo]

Today was a hard day for me. I think it's really beginning to hit home I'm never going to hear from my ex again. Not hearing from him makes me question the love he said/I thought he had for me, and I've been ruminating all day about whether or not he really did, whether he cares about me at all anymore, whether he has any regrets at this point, etc. etc.

I'm come to a conclusion I've touched upon in other posts, but I'm going to repeat it here for my own benefit, and for the benefit of any others who are in the same situation, as I think it's clearer to me now.



I've concluded that it really doesn't matter what really happened with my ex, or what he is feeling, or what he ever felt, because I won't be contacting him. I won't be contacting him because he is the one who ended the relationship, and since I did nothing egregious or unforgivable to him, and since he would not even attempt to work through our issues, it is therefore up to him to re-open communication if he pleases.

It doesn't matter then whether he has any feelings left for me; whether he still loves me or has squashed the love he once had for me; whether he misses me or has removed me from thought; whether he has a positive conception of me or a bad one; whether he regrets our breakup or is now reveling in it. None of these things matter because I am not going to contact him. Whether he is ignoring me out of apathy, out of stubbornness, out of laziness, out of pride... the fact is, he is ignoring me when the right man would be blowing up my phone trying to work out our issues. That right there is enough for me to stitch up my heart and move on. And as I do that, I will choose to console myself with the very kindest, most plausible explanation for his sudden departure.

[steviej]

When someone says 'i love you' or even when you say it to someone else, it is only valid at the time of saying it, it's not a legally bindind contract for life.
When he said it, he may well have meant it.. at the time.

Keep going, it's a tough ride that you're on but you'll get there!

[flynhayn]

Going on 2 1/2 months of NC for me, and this is still the way to do it. Every day got a little easier to move on from everything. The first little while always sucks balls but it does slowly fade off. Don't give up.

[Horseyguy]

Today was a hard day for me. I think it's really beginning to hit home I'm never going to hear from my ex again. Not hearing from her makes me question the love she said/I thought she had for me, and I've been ruminating all day about whether or not she really did, whether she cares about me at all anymore, whether she has any regrets at this point, etc. etc.

I'm come to a conclusion I've touched upon in other posts, but I'm going to repeat it here for my own benefit, and for the benefit of any others who are in the same situation, as I think it's clearer to me now.



I've concluded that it really doesn't matter what really happened with my ex, or what she is feeling, or what she ever felt, because I won't be contacting her. I won't be contacting her because I did nothing egregious or unforgivable to her, and since she would not even attempt to work through our issues, it is therefore up to her to re-open communication if she pleases.

It doesn't matter then whether she has any feelings left for me; whether she still loves me or has squashed the love she once had for me; whether she misses me or has removed me from thought; whether she has a positive conception of me or a bad one; whether she regrets our breakup or is now reveling in it. None of these things matter because I am not going to contact her. Whether she is ignoring me out of apathy, out of stubbornness, out of laziness, out of pride... the fact is, she is ignoring me when the right girl would be blowing up my phone trying to work out our issues. That right there is enough for me to stitch up my heart and move on. And as I do that, I will choose to console myself with the very kindest, most plausible explanation for her sudden departure.