Help need advice 12 year relationship failed

[Spicky135]

Hi all right two weeks ago my husband to be walked out on me and his two young daughters! He has been suffering with depression and been on the sick I have been distant with him and moody as he's been in bed sometimes til 1pm leaving me to deal with our daughter four dogs ect!

He blows so hot and cold! He ignores my texts he doesn't asked about our daughters when he was a brilliant daddy to our girls and our girls adore him!
He said to his friends all different reasons of why we are split up! But when he with me he says he's still attracted to me and he can't help it ! He kisses me gives me cuddles then goes cold again! He say he wants to be friends and be here for me and our girls but he isn't and can't be if this is it!

He currently staying with his sister on her sofa he's said he's going back to work this Monday coming!

One minute he's saying that he's not ready to say what he wants then he don't know what to do!

He left yesterday saying he would txt me gave me a cuddle and kiss and of course I would as sobbing because I've given this man everything I possibly could and he's become a different person!

I didn't txt him last night (so hard) but today I've txt saying can we put this right as if not there is lots to sort out because it's not fair on me and his daughters! And I've got the listen treatment again!

He kicked of the other day as my friends came in our house changed the living room round and took all his stuff down and he said he has got the message it's like he never exsisted but he doesn't understand if this is it the life I lead and he also lead changes!
I don't know what to do as he not taken any other stuff since he was here yesterday he hasn't told work he's not living here no more nor his doctors!

It's our daughters bday in 7 days and I can't play happy families then him bugger off again and disappear until he hasn't nothing else to do!
But I don't want to give up on 12 years he hasn't shown any emotion he says he hates seeing me upset!

What do I do? What's he doing being like this and how do I get him to see what he's giving up

[Desperate1]

Hiya,
I don't usually reply to these posts but felt I had to with this one. Please don't take this the wrong way because I know how hard this situation must be for you nd I do sympathise. You mention that your partner/ex has depression once but then continue to explain how YOU feel, how hard it is for YOU, and how YOU can't cope with how he is 'blowing hot and cold' but you haven't actually mentioned that you have thought about how HE is feeling. He is suffering with depression. That's not an excuse for how he is treating you, and the two might not even be related. But the likelihood is that they are linked. When you suffer with depression you can't change how you think or feel. You sometimes literally cannot get out of bed or respond to a simple text message. I speak from experience. Have you asked him what support you could offer him to help him through it? Have you suggested he see his GP or seek counselling? Have you asked him how he's feeling? It may be pointless, or may not help but it could be a good starting point if you do want to try and fix your relationship. I'm not saying it's all your fault by any means. It might help if you met on neutral territory and discussed things. Tell him how you have been feeling. It must be very upsetting for all of you, including your children. A short break apart might be what you both need. Do you have friends who can be with you and support you with your children? I can imagine it is hard to try and carry on 'as normal' with children to look after. I think if nothing else you should sit down with your partner/ex and tell him how you feel but also ask him how he feels and what might help him. If he refuses give him an ultimatum. Tell him if he's not even willing to discuss things then you need to do what's best for you and your girls. Write down the things you want to discuss and your feelings etc and take it with you so you remember everything you want to say. Maybe meet in a coffee shop so that you will both be less inclined to get angry with each other if the discussion doesn't go to plan!
You could also have a look online at the symptoms of depression and how to support someone with depression. It could give you an insight into how he feels. Trust me, when you have depression you can feel desperate, out of control, even little things can overwhelm you or anger you. You feel very alone and isolated even when you're not physically alone.
Whatever happens I wish you the best of luck and hope you can sort things out because it doesn't seem like either of you want things to end.
Hugs & best wishes xx

[Piano62]

Hello there, it must be hard to have a husband with depression and two daughters and being left behind. I can feel for you! But please remember: Your husband is dealing with depression and is sick; so you cannot take what he says or does as actually coming from him. He might say things that he doesn't mean when he is in a bad mood and completely doesn't mean it. I think it's normal to have ups and downs for his condition; but it is very hard on loved ones when he's like that. While I am not a professional who can help you with your situation, I do know of Focus On The Family counseling hotline that you might want to try. 1-855-771-HELP. They have nice people there who can listen to you and give you resources to help handle your situation. Or may be your husband can also seek help from them separately too. It's worth giving it a try if you don't have resources like that. Will be praying for you. Take care!

[Jamie_eliott]

Hello dear.

I hope you and your partner should consult with any marriage counselor. i think they understand your relationship issues.
According to me, "Caralee frederic" or "john gottmna" are good therapist. you can search on google about them.