Suffering from such sadness...

[Tricia2710]

I was in a relationship for about 5 1/2 months up until a day ago. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship 4 months earlier, so i was a bit weary of dating. He knew that about me, but still continued to be persistant with getting me to date him. After a few weeks, he told me he wouldn't hurt me, and that I would be happy with him.After that, I told myself that he was someone I could see myself being with, so I gave in, and we started dating. He was single for 6 years before we got together.

There were a few things wrong in the beginning. He was very independent, and did things all himself. He seemed to have had a hard time letting ME in. We got into some arguements and had some rough times. We always got past them, and moved on. I wont lie, I am guilty of a few things I did wrong. In the beginning he seemed to have wanted things to be done a certain way. Like, when we argued, he wanted to be left alone, but I wanted to talk things out to find a soultion. So he got upset and started to verbally abuse me. He words were VERY unkind and VERY hurtful. He always seemed to blame everything on me when we fought. In my eyes, all I wanted to do was fix our problem, and just let it go. He has such an anger problem too. I dont know what was right with him.

I never hurt him, and I never did anything wrong, or at least I thought. But according to him, I did EVERYTHING wrong. He seemed to be very Bi-Polar too. His attitude would change daily. I was a bit weary of that in the beginning, but when we fell for each other, I promised that I would love him no matter what, and I very well meant that. I put up with him being so hurtful, and forgave him everytime he hurt me.


What I want to know is this... Is there really something wrong with what I did? Meaning should I have handled it differently? I never spoke to him in an ill manner at anytime. Even when he was so verbal and mean towards me. Like an idiot, I just sat there and took it. Could there be something wrong with him mentally? I'm just confused. He really does have an anger managment problem, and he seemed to take it out on me. He has been having a bunch of financial issues lately, and I'm wondering if he kept taking it out on me for that reason.

Am I the bad person? Or is he the unstable one? Its been very hard for me. My birthday is tomorrow, and I've just been so hurt because of this break-up. (Unfortunately his birthday is the day after mine) which makes it harder for me. I know it should be so easy for me to just walk away, but for some reason its hard. I really believe in him, and all I was trying to do was let him know that whatever it is he was going through, I'd be here. I hate to see him go, and I dont know what its so hard...


Please help with any advice. I'd really appreciate it!!

[Tricia2710]

Any advice at all?????

[doppelgaenger]

You were simply incompatible with one another - you're clingy and dependent, he is very independent. It took 5 months of fighting and whatnot for you to realize that? You need to grow a backbone. You shouldn't have to resort to a forum for moral support. Instead, you should have more confidence about your feelings and thoughts and you shouldn't victimize yourself. You could have easily chosen not to deal with his bullshit behavior, but you went along with it for months. I'm pretty sure he didn't lock you in his basement like an animal for his own sadistic pleasure. Unfortunately because of your dependent, needy nature, you found yourself a prisoner to this. You have some personal issues that you need to deal with before you get yourself involved with anyone else.

Cut your losses and move on from this. Five months really isn't very long for a relationship. Be happy this wasn't a long term marriage or something.

Oh and happy birthday

[Tricia2710]

Doppelgaenger- First off, I found your post to be quite harsh and mean. I came to this forum for advice, not to be put down.

All women have there own form of being needy. I wasn't clingy. I wasnt dependent at all with him. I gave him plenty of space, I have my reasons I hung around, and those may have been stupid, but I did. I know what he did was wrong, but as I said before, he was the one that clearly had the mental issues. I wanted to help him more than anything. He was the one who had ups and downs like a rollercoaster. One day I was the best thing that ever happened to him, then next, he was upset and yelling profanaties at me.

With someone so up and down confusion sets in, and i wanted some advice, not criticisim.

[doppelgaenger]

I'm not here to hold your hand or make you feel better. I'm a voice of reason and if that's too painful, you can wait for others to sugarcoat it for you.

I did give you advice, and whether or not you choose to take that is up to you. But don't come on here with your pissy attitude just because I didn't tell you what you want to hear. Be prepared for criticism and whatever else, because you posted your story on the internet.

[Tricia2710]

Never asked for you, let alone anybody to hold my hand. Nor do I want people to tell me what I want to here. Its called give advice, not be a harsh piece of crap. I'll take the "whatever else' before take anymore criticisim from you....

[doppelgaenger]

That's the kind of response I expected from you. We might as well make a little place for you in the Broken Hearts section because you're going to be posting here a lot.

[ammi00]

Tricia, doppelgaenger said some things that are true (at least from my point of view as well). You weren't compatible with this guy. Ever wondered why he was single for that long? Maybe he has some "commitment" problems, or maybe that's just the way he is.
He told you all kind of mean things, that hurt you - so why being with a guy like this? Unless you're an emotional-masochist... and oh well, I assume you aren't.