my gf says i should stop telling her how i feel

[SilverHawk]

my girlfriend and i have been trying out a long distance relationship for about 3 months now. we've known each other a couple of years. the problem is that she just asked me to take a step back in the sense that i let her know how strongly i feel about her a lot. i send her a few nice sms's daily and also we chat via email. she wants me to stop telling her how much i care about her. but she still wants to have a relationship. i googled it and i havent found another thread reporting a similar problem. everyone else has the opposite problem. so now i dont know how to take a step back cos she is 700km away from me already. anyone else had any similar experiences?

[tropigal82]

Maybe she feels uneasy about the strength of your feelings because, even though she likes you and surely cares about you, perhaps she is afraid that the intensity of her emotions do not match up to the intensity of your emotions - so she feels guilty that she cannot fully reciprocate your feelings, and this means she maybe feels under pressure. I made the mistake of telling my bloke how strongly I felt about him and he reacted in the same way as your gf - he was like "woah, lets take a couple of steps back here...." I think it's because he's trying to figure out his own emotions, and perhaps even afraid of his true feelings, so that he tried to put a wall around himself for protection. Perhaps it's a similar case with your gf?

[SilverHawk]

i guess you might be right. just to put everyone in the pic...the whole thing started when i she told me about this awesome massage she had with a male masseuse.
i kinda got uncomfortable with her gaining pleasure at another mans hand.
its not that i dont trust her or anything. its just something i find hard to deal with.
she feels i'm judging her by not liking it.
i told her i was wrong and apologized. but i still dont like it.
i feel that the fact that i dont like it should be enough for her to stop going to him.

[Glith]

i guess you might be right. just to put everyone in the pic...the whole thing started when i she told me about this awesome massage she had with a male masseuse.
i kinda got uncomfortable with her gaining pleasure at another mans hand.
its not that i dont trust her or anything. its just something i find hard to deal with.
she feels i'm judging her by not liking it.
i told her i was wrong and apologized. but i still dont like it.
i feel that the fact that i dont like it should be enough for her to stop going to him.

I understand her being a little unhappy about this if I'm brutally honest, especially with the fact that you expect her not to go again just because you don't like it. She's not going there for sexual thrills, she's going for muscle relief.

I know some people can be a little funny about their partner getting a massage, but this is your problem, not hers, and you can't expect her to start living by your values.
I've been for massages in the past, and it's always been a female masseuse. The massages were amazing, made me feel great, refreshed, the feeling was incredible...BUT, there wasn't an ounce of sexuality involved. This masseuse was a professional, providing a none-sexual service for a fee. I'd understand your displeasure if it was just a guy friend of hers who gave her this massage.

Just try not to get hung up on it all. This guy will have been able to provide her muscle relief that you couldn't, just the same as her doctor would be able to provide her pain relief that you couldn't.
You're just going through a bit of jealousy and for your sake, it's best you nip it in the bud as soon as you can.

[SilverHawk]

ya. i hear you. i was thinking a little more along the lines of me going in for some massage therapy lessons. then she can replace that guy with me.
the reason i feel the way i do is because i used to date a massage therapist for a short while ans she used to tell me about how many guys have 'accidents' in their shorts while she was administering her professional non-sexual services.
anyways i think she would enjoy me giving her the massage with maybe an added bonus of a happy ending. i duno.what you think?

[tropigal82]

I think she would love you to give her a massage! For me personally it is the ultimate form of seduction combined with eroticism! When I am in a relationship one of my favourite things is to give and recieve sexy massages, get that baby oil out!!!

And well, if she doesn't want you to give her a massage then she's either plain crazy or doesn't fancy you anymore *(lets hope thats not the case!). I can understand that you don't like the idea of another guy laying his hands on her, albeit professionally, and I'd probably feel the same about my bloke being 'handled' by a female massuese, even though my jealousy would be irrational. So as Glith says its best not to get too hung up on it. OK if she keeps going on about how 'amazing' the massage was then thats a bit insensitive and EITHER she is hinting that she would like a massage from you, OR she is trying to test your reaction and perhaps it's a very subtle way of trying to wind you up on purpose, because ??? who knows.....

Good luck, take it deep and slow, get the candles out and oil up!!!

[SilverHawk]

i think i'm just taking life too seriously
someone just walked up to me and asked me why i have this serious face on.
i didnt even know i had this face on.
i decided to wipe the face off.replace it with half a smile. and think happy thoughts. maybe if i send good vibes to everyone i'll get some good vibes back.
i'm done with being down in the dumps today. and if my gf wont smile for me then i will smile for the both of us.

[AdminOnline]

Moved to 'love advise' forum.

[kez73]

It would be a great tool to learn, massage therapy, however if you are 700km away, how are you planning to give her one? And if you got the idea to take the course so she would not go back to this other guy, that's not the same as taking the course because you thought it was a nice thing to do for HER - you're doing it cos it would be a nice thing for YOURSELF if she doesn't get some other man to give her a massage.

Perhaps she is feeling like you are being a bit controlling and that's why she has asked you to take a step back from telling her how you feel so many times a day?? It's just a guess but when put together with you having a problem with her massage, I wonder if she started to feel backed into a corner. A red flag may have gone up in her head.