She's been gone 3 months... Is she coming back?

[SimonSerenade]

Hey everybody, This is my first post as I've only just joined, I'm not really one for these kind of websites but I feel desperate for conversation and desperate for opinions and advice as I don't want to bother any of my friends with my heart ache.

I won't go into too much detail and I'll make things as short as I possibly can, Basically I was with ex girlfriend for about 3 years, We were engaged and so madly in love, She got pregnant almost instantly and we moved in together, Things were amazing, Felt like all my dreams and desires were coming to life, Felt like things were finally going to work out for once but as soon as our son was born she moved out, She suffered after birth depression and needed help, She went to her mums which in return made me feel somewhat useless as I weren't enough for her and though she kept promising she'd come back, She never did.

Regardless we stayed together but just after she left she finished me for 2 months then eventually came back, We argued alot about the fact that she wouldn't move back in, She went out alot and just dossed around on the weekends when she was actually down at our house with him, Eventually she wouldn't touch me, She pushed me away quite alot and sex felt more of a chore to her than something intimate that we shared, I tried so hard to stress this to her and make a change but nothing ever did, I missed all the passion and romance but she just wouldn't budge in that area, Would rather watch tv than touch me.

Eventually I got so fed up I needed someone to talk to and decided to join Vampirefreaks as I had a couple of old friends on there that I hadn't talked to in years who always helped me through bad times, I lost contact with them after I got with her and one or two random people wound up flirting with me and I wound up flirting back, I don't know what I was thinking as I wasn't the slightest bit interested in anyone else, I suppose it just felt nice to hear that I was still an attractive lovable person, Unfortunately she saw everything but kept her mouth shut till the day we broke up which wasn't too long after.

I feel horrible at what I said on vampire freaks, I really love this girl, A family is all I ever wanted and though I got finished many of times in the relationship, I feel I must of done something wrong in the relationship for it to come to a final end, When she left she told she didn't love me anymore over the phone and after roughly 2 months of begging and pleading and reasoning with her to give me another chance I tried my hardest to be her friend but after a month I couldn't contain my feelings anymore and I'm currently not talking to her what so ever, I tried everything when the split happened, Helped her out with as much money as she needed, Bought her the occasional gift, Was nothing but nice really to her but in return I get nothing, Nothing at all.

Alot of people say I deserve better but even if that's true I don't want better, The time's we've had and the emotions we've shared are far greater than anything I've ever experienced or ever will experience, I don't want to let that go, I was her first and only time in the sack and her first love and that mean's alot to me, Ever since the day I met her I've wanted nothing more than to hold her and shelter her from the pain I've endured in my life, I've had people who've only wanted me for sex and finished me not long after... I never want her to experience that pain and loss of self worth.. I lnow thats selfish but the bare thought of it just kills me, I need advice on what to do and whats step to take from here, Is it hopeless?

[MerryH]

You did all you could to get her back. It didn't work. It's time to forget about getting back together, stop worrying about her life, and get on with your own. Pick up some new hobbies, take up a new physical activity, work more, whatever. Just keep yourself busy.

[Matt347]

I know you want to hear some advice that would help you win her back and make everything good again, but there is really nothing you can do at this point. Going through a tough breakup, all everyone ever said to me was how I was wronged and I deserve better too. I just wanted things back to the way they are but its never going to happen unless she wants it that way too. I'm sorry but as hard as it may sound people do just fall out of love and never look at the same person the same way again. Its time for you to try and get on with your life even if that means a life without her in it. Like MerryH said just stay busy and try and pickup new stuff to do.

[SimonSerenade]

What if I want to stick in there and stick to my guns? I don't want anybody else and the thought of being with someone else right now or even in the future just kills me a little inside, Some people get back together after a long time, months.. years, I'd wait for that but is there really no right or wrong way to go about it? any way to hurry up the process or convince her otherwise?

[LissaP]

Simon,

I'm so sorry to hear about your predicament. I know this has to be tough. This is a good forum for conversation though. I wrote an article entitled Best Ways To Tell If My Ex Wants To Get Back With Me. Its on my relationship recovery blog. If you do a search, you should be able to find it. Take a read and see if she's interested in getting back together.

[twinrexes]

Whoa, hold on now.

How old are you two?

You mention she moved out right after your son was born and then not another word about the baby.

Having a child together is HUGE, in my opinion. If that weren't part of the equation I'd say "move on".

But there's more than just a simple breakup because there's a baby involved.

First off, about post-partum depression: I know from my own personal experience that it can be devastating and can completely change her personality and outlook for a LONG time if it isn't treated. And it also has a lot to do with her not wanting to be sexual with you. That's common with new moms anyway, because the baby is needing so much from her physically right now that she just wants her space when she's not holding, comforting, or nursing her child. Infants are exhausting and demanding.

You want to be there for her? Then just be understanding right now of those things I'm telling you. Becoming a mom suddenly brings huge changes she might not have been ready for.

Have you talked to her about the baby? Your son? Asked to be part of his life? Asked if you can help care for him?

That part of it seems to be missing from your post...

[therobby3]

I'm going through a break up right now also, after 3 years of an awesome relationship, things just died in a matter of 1 argument...

My ex had some small depression and self esteem problems also.. I think this can be a HUGE problem. I was reading something describing about how it's impossible for someone to love another if they can't love themself. This would make sense here. I imagine the kid depression thing is the huge factor.

Honestly, I wish I could understand my break up or anything about it.. But I don't. So unfortunately I can't understand your's either, or how anyone "falls out of love" for that matter. Just the phrase itself "fall out of love" gives me a sick eerie feeling in my stomach. It makes me think, why get into any relationship if they will just "fall out of love"? I'll never understand it...


Unfortunately I'd try and forget about her as much as you can. I understand that this is MUCH easier said than done. What I'm doing is hanging out a lot with friends, it helps a ton. Infact, the biggest and even simplest thing that can help is a smile from an attractive female. Or anyone from that matter.
Try and live one day at a time. Find something to look forward too in your day. Go out and meet people, watch funny videos, and laugh and smile with others. Try not to think too much about the future even though it's hard.

I'm floating in a similar boat like you and I feel like total garbage emotionally. It's completely wrecked me and it is an emotional roller coaster. Just TRY and find something to do with others that makes you happy. Laughter heals is true. Trust me, I understand how hard it is, it's unbelievably hard for me. The key for me is to find something to look forward too.