Is this normal?

[Lozenger]

Heya,

I'm sorry that I keep posting - but I have a lot I don't understand and a lot of problems with friends/family/boys/school life and now this.

I'm not sure if you read my post on how I had an argument with my mum, but I ended up going over to my friends house for a sleepover.

We were watching Pirates of the Caribean: At Worlds End.
The lights were out like in a cinema. We all sat huddled on the sofa with my friend in the middle of me and her dad.

He had his arm resting on the back of the couch, but then brought it down to rest on my shoulder shortly after I said that I was cold.
He started running his fingers on my shoulder and squeezing it every now and then. His fingers would move along my collarbone and he would run them under my bra strap. The lowest his hand went was near my underarm which is where the top of my bra was. He stroked that area and squeezed there too. Then my friend asked if I wanted to borrow her hoodie as a blanket so I did but shortly after that her dad put his hand back on my shoulder and then a little after that, lifted the blanket (hoodie) up to put his hand on my bare shoulder and he started all the stroking again.

But I'm not sure if that is normal. If you have read the post on my family, then you'll know that I have grown up without a dad and that I don't get much affection so I have no idea if this is what fathers would usually do with their daughters or friends of their daughters.

I'm thinking that perhaps he just an affectionate dad, but I got up from the couch to get a drink (an excuse I made up because I felt uncomfortable on the couch with him stroking me) and he came in the kitchen after me, as did my friend and he put his hand on my arse as he moved around me to get the wine. I forgot to mention earlier on how I downed to glasses to relax a little due to the family argument earlier that day. I drank the 3rd glass slower and he says " I thought you was relaxing? You downed the other two!" So I felt under slight pressure to down the fourth glass of wine. He also had many cigarettes and I didn't like it as I'm astmatic and felt it was rude of him to smoke infront of guests, and inside without the windows open especially when others are in the same room as him.

I could be over reacting - as I said, I don't know how affectionate parents should be with their children and I'm not sure if they should be affectionate/ touchy feely with their childs friends.

What do you think?

X

[boobaa]

Omg, parents don't sexually touch their children. That was sexual harrasment right there. I hate family men like that, there is clearly something wrong with them. But then again, I am not as old as they...

[anachronistic]

Of course it's not right, and you know it, come on. You shouldn't let him touch you like that, because you could get hurt. Keep your distance from now on, and if he touches you again, tell him to stop. Even if your friend is right there.

Anything that makes you uncomfortable is wrong. And besides, sounds like this guy is a pedophile.

[Lozenger]

I guess I knew it deep down - but just didn't want to believe that it was really happening - I still don't really.
Why do I always get bad things like this happening to me? I have so much trouble in my life: boy trouble, bullying, bitchiness, family problems and now this - sometimes it seems as though nothing will go right for me.
X

[1averagejoe]

I don't know exactly how old you are but you sound underage and this man should not be touching you like this. That's wrong! Stay away from that man. If he ever touches you again like that tell him to stop. If he doesn't, get away from him and tell your parents and get authorities involved. This is not normal.

[Kromat]

I'm thinking that perhaps he just an affectionate dad, but I got up from the couch to get a drink (an excuse I made up because I felt uncomfortable on the couch with him stroking me) and he came in the kitchen after me, as did my friend and he put his hand on my arse as he moved around me to get the wine.

What do you think?

X

This is definitely a pedophile, you trusted this person and they make you uncomfortable.

P.S. You should probably stay away from him, because it might go beyond just feeling you off.

[boobaa]

I guess I knew it deep down - but just didn't want to believe that it was really happening - I still don't really.
Why do I always get bad things like this happening to me? I have so much trouble in my life: boy trouble, bullying, bitchiness, family problems and now this - sometimes it seems as though nothing will go right for me.
X

Wel, there is also another perspective. You can be thankful because maybe life is trying to teach you something, trying to give you experience. Life is a bitch and you have to deal with it, people have to learn how to be independent, make right decisions on their own. Observation is the first step, placing yourself outside from that situation and trying to view it from far. Its exactly the knowing of what is wrong, but not doing anything and relying too much on others -- thats the part that needs more attention. If you know something is wrong, you should act on it.

Everybody goes through trouble, some more, some less. I know girls who have been in similar situations.

[vashti]

Damn him! No - it's NOT right. You need to learn to trust your instincts more, sweety. He needs to be strung up by the balls. I wish I coud do it.

I think if you want to hang out with this girl, you should do it at YOUR house. Don't go over there - he is just waiting for the opportunity to attack you like a fly on sh*t.

BTW - it isn't unusual for men to prey on girls with no father around. This happened to me a few times when I was your age, too. Men like this COUNT on your needing affection and attention, and are all too happy to exploit your lack of clear understanding of normal boundaries. Trust me when I tell you he is trying to figure out a way to get to you. Do you think your friend is on to him? Is it possibe he is behaving inappropriatey with her, too? YOu might think about asking her.

WTF is wrong with people?

[vashti]

Damn, your posts make me sad. I wish I could adopt you.

[Lozenger]

Damn, your posts make me sad. I wish I could adopt you.

Aww! You needn't feel sad - not even I always feel sad about my posts - it's only on my bad days - but I always try to stay positive!

I don't think my friend is onto anything. She has a very close relationship with her dad and younger siblings as her parents are also divorced.
Funnily enough, her mum and dad split and her mum lives in milton keynes and my mum and dad split and my dad lives in milton keynes! Weird or what?

But this is only the first time anything has happened - I have been round her house loads of times and nothing like this has ever occurred.

X

[vashti]

I am wondering if your friend might be one of his victims. It would be pretty convenient, what with no mom around to keep an eye on what he is doing, and I am sorry to say that incest is not all that uncommon, either. He now is known to make moves on inappropriate people. What is to stop him from hitting on your friend, especially when he has been drinking?

[Asparagoose]

WTF is wrong with people?

That's really wrong of him. Sick people I guess. Did anyone else hear about the guy in Austria who kept his daughter locked up in a basement and had 7 kids with her? I don't get how some people could do things like this.

[bohemiandonut]

Perfectly normal behavior.

[Lozenger]

I am wondering if your friend might be one of his victims. It would be pretty convenient, what with no mom around to keep an eye on what he is doing, and I am sorry to say that incest is not all that uncommon, either. He now is known to make moves on inappropriate people. What is to stop him from hitting on your friend, especially when he has been drinking?

She doesn't seem like a victim - she is quite loud and bubbly and she tells her dad everything.
He can be harsh to her like the time he grounded her for two months solid but I can't help but think that if she was touched inappropiately then why would she snuggle up to him when I come over to her house to watch movies?

X

[Gigabitch]

Perfectly normal behavior.

That was irresponsible, bodo. Stop it.

Why do I always get bad things like this happening to me? I have so much trouble in my life: boy trouble, bullying, bitchiness, family problems and now this - sometimes it seems as though nothing will go right for me.

I believe people can tell from a mile away when someone is vulnerable. I can go to my daughter's school and see from across the playground which kids are predisposed to victimhood, usually because their family situation isn't solid, and I've found that I'm usually right.

This is something I've argued about with my therapist, so I have to say up front that I'm going against a professional opinion here, but I stand by it. The fact that you don't have a reliable home base makes you insecure, Loz, and to someone who is looking for it, it shines like a neon sign.

I'm not sure exactly what the signs are, it's more an instinct than anything else, I guess, but I believe there's something you can do about it. I think you need to start projecting a kind of "I don't take any shit" persona. I'm not saying you should get bitchy, necessarily, but stop exposing how vulnerable you are to everyone you meet.

You're super sweet, I can tell just from your posts. Predators will be on that like vampires. Conserve it. Keep it to yourself.

And if that man ever tries to touch you again, look right into his eyes and say, "I want you to stop doing that." You know very well that touching you that way was beyond inappropriate.