Keeping Men Happy (men's and women's roles)

[lostw]

I had spent several years alone and even when I used to live with someone I had to take care of things or they weren't getting done...from taking out the trash to mowing the lawn. For a long time I knew I had to take care of things and I had no help, so I am pretty self reliant and am used to doing everything myself.

I now look back and even in my current situation this seems to be causing me trouble. Mr. 13 years felt I didn't need him. Hell, I needed him but he escaped into his fantasy world (books or online gaming) and wasn't dealing with real life.

I guess we need to leave certain things for the men to do? My current beau works Saturdays so I will bring in wood to get through the night so he doesn't have to do it after a full day of work while I have been home.
And hell, I need the exercise. Do I need to knock this off? I am trying to be considerate and do him a favor but I think it may be causing a problem. This is only one task I am using as an example as there are others.

Guys: Do we need to leave certain things for you to do? Is that really that important? Do you need certain tasks to be yours to be and feel like the man?

Gals: Have you had the same experience?

Part of me likes to help out and be capable but not at the risk of losing him.

I just want to know that I'm not crazy.

Thanks,
W

[NeoSeminole]

men should take out the trash, fix broken sh*t around the house, and protect his family. The woman should cook and clean.

the rest can pretty much be divided between both sexes.

[Coco]

Guys like to help women with things... you should let him! A woman trying to do everything? She probably has some pride issues, Miss Independent Syndrome.

[IndiReloaded]

Figure out what you are each best at and then make a list. I assume you work and are contributing equally to the household, btw. We use a whiteboard to divy up tasks. My husband tends to fix stuff b/c he's good at it. I can too, but it takes me about 2X as long. By then, I can have dinner ready. So its less to do with gender, just efficiency. He cooks too, but I'm better and enjoy it. Shrug.

Negotiate for what you want so you are both satisfied. Frankly, guys are easier to please in this regard. If you are happy, they are happy. He'll do whatever his tasks are, probably in half the time as you and then put his feet up with a beer. Seems fair to me.

[lastwish]

It comes down to you. Do you mind doing everything in the house? Some men come back from work and just expect the women to take care of everything in the household. Others would share housework with you. If it bothers you, then talk to him about it. It seems like he is just chilling and content with you doing everything (who wouldn't be?).

[vashti]

men should take out the trash, fix broken sh*t around the house, and protect his family. The woman should cook and clean.

the rest can pretty much be divided between both sexes.

I'm pretty sure you already know it, but taking out the trash takes almost no time at all, and "fixing broken sh!t" around the house assumes there is broken stuff to fix, which is a rarity in my house.

The cooking and cleaning are FAR more labor intensive, and also more of a drudgery.

Your labor division wouldn't work for me.

[NeoSeminole]

vashti says:

"Your labor division wouldn't work for me."

cool. Have fun getting your hands dirty and spending money on fixing things that can be done for free.

[vashti]

vashti says:

"Your labor division wouldn't work for me."

cool. Have fun getting your hands dirty and spending money on fixing things that can be done for free.

Actually, I am pretty handy. I don't mind fixing stuff now and then... it doesn't come up all that often.

[Aeradalia]

men should take out the trash, fix broken sh*t around the house, and protect his family. The woman should cook and clean.

the rest can pretty much be divided between both sexes.

Heh... very stereotypical. That might work in your household, but doesn't apply to everyone.

When I was married, I took out the trash, cleaned the house, made reparations to the apartment and changed parts on the car that weren't overtly complicated (like coils, distributor caps, tune ups, master cylinders, radiators, etc).

My ex was in the frame of mind of having his cake and eating it too. He wanted me to take on both the traditional roles of a female and the 'independent' woman as well.

As was mentioned before, take into account numbers of hours worked at a job and divide the household and other duties between the two, focusing more on each others strengths and weaknesses.

[NeoSeminole]

Aeradalia says:

"Heh... very stereotypical. That might work in your household, but doesn't apply to everyone."

oh yeah? lol

"When I was married, I took out the trash, cleaned the house, made reparations to the apartment and changed parts on the car that weren't overtly complicated (like coils, distributor caps, tune ups, master cylinders, radiators, etc)."

you go girl!

[IndiReloaded]

There's this weird perception some folks have that 'equality' means you have to have exactly the same skills. What would be the point of having a partner if that was so? Complimentary is the goal, IMO. Followed closely by a gung-ho, can-do attitude. Everything else is just hormones and fun.

OP - its up to YOU to figure out what you need and communicate it. Its unfair to expect anyone else to read your mind or do your thinking for you.

Good luck.

[bluesummer]

We divide cooking and cleaning evenly. Weird thing is, I can't stand cooking or cleaning but I'm good at both.....my fiance likes doing both, but isn't great at cleaning (not very thorough). So it's a good thing we share the duties here.

I don't think you can pin certain roles on a certain gender, because it doesn't work in every household. Women don't want to be put in the cooking and cleaning role all the time just becuase they're women and it's a natural assumption that that is all they can do, or even what they LIKE to do. This is part of the reason I think people shuld live together before they're married.....to get stuff like this sorted out before you actually commit to a life together forever.

[Dogtoast]

I enjoy doing stuff for my gf's. It makes me feel important and I just like making their lives easier, its what its all about.

I've never lived with one of my girlfriends before, but I would like to experience the stereotypical gender role positions. I look forward to that.

[vashti]

I enjoy doing stuff for my gf's. It makes me feel important and I just like making their lives easier, its what its all about.

I've never lived with one of my girlfriends before, but I would like to experience the stereotypical gender role positions. I look forward to that.

There's nothing wrong with stereotypical gender role positions when the female isn't working outside the home. I actually lived this life, and I enjoyed it. Traditional roles require a LOT more effort on the woman's part for home duties, which is fair since she is home. The problem comes if she is working outside the home, and her partner isn't willing to divide the home labor more equally. Working women need men who will contribute to things like cleaning and cooking.