i am hopeless

[zencyc]

Hi all,i am new here nice to meet you all...my name is chan i hope we can share our feeling and problem here and make some new friends!!

Actually,i had been breaking up with my ex in about 6 month now but i still very miss n love her..She was my first love and we re been together for 1 year n half....She was everything for me as she was the first person who give me love,yes i mean the first one.Frankly i got a family but since i was young i never felt being care n love before,my parent just do the things of their own,earn money and go for vacation,buying new car n house,i felt very lonely at home and i don't even know what a happy family is until i met my ex first love.Her family was a loving kind family and for the first time i felt what is home and love about,it was excited and i felt very comfortable under my ex's accompanion.That why i love my ex so much,i even take her as my mum,my wife n my girlfriend...she was not only one character for me she was my everything then....

But guess what i am the one who say the break up!! But do you know why?? Because i love her,i know that after our examination she was not happy with me,she was not herself...so i decide to break up with her so that she can be happier,that is my main objective although i am the one who hurt the most but i sacrifice for i love her..after our break up i go looking for a job and start working and close all contact with her....After a few month,i visit her house and i notice that she was happier and just like changing to another person...i ask myself,didn't it was what i wanted??? But i feel sad,i am being selfish??

I still love her very much deep inside my heart,today we re in the same university,how lucky was that!! But she treat me like a stranger now,she said she don't have feeling toward me anymore.......and i tell her that the purpose i want the break up but i know it was too late now,sometime i wonder am i regreted doing such a decision but i cannot being too selfish right?? I know it was only my thinking but the fact is the fact,she was not happy with me,i dont understand her as much as she understand me....

In the university,we still had contact as she ask me to help her occasionaly with her assignment and daily life,i even accompany her for lunch and dinner everyday....BUT i felt sad when i know the fact that she don love me anymore as i ask her,so she just treat me as a friend.BUT what i treat her n help her was not of what a friend will do,i felt being one handed and by the same time i am hurt when helping her but i want to help.........I love her but now she seem far far away from me...i need someone love,i need someone care.I not getting the love since i small,so i want to get it from outside but why give me to know love and leave me like that,it let me more hurt....I had try to be together with my family but it was never going to work as the ice had been build up and all my family members dont even bother included my brother,silence is all i hear these years....sometime i felt exhausted,i had been a good guy everytime i treat my ex very good everytime i with her even sacrifice my time,money and buy her something that i don even get before....she was very good with her mother and her mother always be her support whenever our relationship got problem,i felt that she was not facing the problem herself and always need her mother to do for her.I do think she was not mature but i still cant forget the day we re been together...am i need to continue care for her or help her???

I always tell her about my family problem when i am with her,i am sad i hate it because my family lead a big impact on me,it form my introvert personalities...my friends always say my family got the money but the truth is i am a poor boy that dont even have a normal people's live,in my house even a small matter i will be mad by my parent...they feel regreted to born me,my mum always care about money and money and never think of others except money.How selfish they are,when my spectacle broke and when emergency,my parent dont help me but let me face the dead end,why being so cruel and in the end is my ex's mum who help me..........

Thanks you everyone who come to my post and see my post,willing to take the time to read,thank you very much!!

I got a blog and i got write more detail in the blog,if anyone is kind enough to leave a comment i am very thankful !!!

ttp://themanofsteel330.blog.friendster.com

[krondragon]

You feel insecure right? I know how that feels. My ex broke up with me, but I told her to be happy even though my heart literally felt like it got torn up. I know how you feel seeing her happy and far away and you feeling sad still. Life is unfair isn't it?

I too feel insecure without a girlfriend right now. I was fine before, but it will take a while before I get to that point.

[snoz]

I know digging up old threads are bad but I feel strongly about this.

I think you made the mistake most guys like us make for our first date or even for girls for that matter.

I'm also of an Asian background and I can relate to your problems well. I guess the Dutch side of me broke free of that Asian tradition but to make matters worse it lead to no support from family and drug problems for a while.

naturally feeling insecure you throw yourself onto the first person that returns your love and who listens to you. I watch myself all the time to insure I let people know these things even in small bits and pieces for I mistake compassion for love. In short I thought I loved that person when they cared for me and that could just be out of sympathy for all I know.

I guess it might be because kids like us grew up without real affection from anyone and in turn we mistake or more so we confuse that feeling for love (I mean I still do sometimes). We constantly doubt ourselves until what we SHOULD have is taken away from us. The worst way to show your love is to say "I'm so lucky to be yours because I'm not worthy therefore I love you". The more you say it, the more you act it and believe it. Reverse that psychology and think better of yourself.

I understand and don't understand my own parents. They come from a different era to us that's for sure and I can see their reasoning behind all their strictness and we have a love-hate relationship. I think in trying to toughen you up in the process you've come to despise them in some way, as my dad always says a good beating shows how much I care for you.

I say this so perhaps you understand you're not quite alone in the issue. You need to look past that but not necessarily rebel but take your own stand. Do it better than I did. work out your own personal issues before promising yourself to love someone again and you'll find it much more pleasant as you'll have no personal doubt the next time around and no baggage.

Finally, it's sad to say just let her go. Break contact with her for your own good as you get yourself on the right track, stop thinking about other people's faults and start improving on your own and I promise you that you'll feel better about everything.