Best Friends Boyfriend of 6 years sudden fear of sex?

[Giggle37]

Hi all,

I just really wanted to get some opinions on this topic really.

One of my best friends has been with her boyfriend for 6 years, quite early on into the relationship she moved in with him, (into his mums house) They had a happy and healthy relationship (in all aspects) whilst they lived with his mother. But then 2 years ago, his mum downsized and moved to the coast, so my friend and her boyfriend moved into a flat together. And slowly from that moment he got less and less interested in sex. To the point where now he wont hug or kiss her or anything. They have zero contact affection/sexually in any way shape or form. She tries to talk to him about it and he clams up completely he cant express how or why he feels so nervous, and he puts alot of pressure on himself. My friend quite often gets frustrated and is hurt because she feels that it is because of her. He assures her that that isn't the case, it isn't that he loves her, its his issue.

They've almost broken up several times because he doesn't want to confront it and she's fed up of a relationship that she feels is lacking in some areas, BUT she doesn't want to walk away if it is a genuine problem for him because this is the only major issue they have.

He doesn't have much of a life, he does shift work, and when hes not at work he's at home on the computer gaming, he doesn't socialize. And he has put on some weight so I've suggest that maybe its a weight issue with him? Because as a women i know how i can feel sometimes...

Have any other women had this issue with their partners? Have any men felt this way?

And if this is a genuine problem, how can she go about helping him through it? OR do you just think is just an excuse?

Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

[pcmaster]

Lack of passion starts to show in sex life. Work and gaming is what takes sex drive away. The routine resulted in adding weight - feeling less sexy.
BF simply have to hit the gym to get that testestorone going. Also go back to basics - what he did back in the day what hes not doing now? Perhaps healthy food can help too but generaly will have to come from inside.

[Giggle37]

He had a more active job before they moved. Hes a driver now so he spends all of his time sitting. So really its more lifestyle than and actual problem that's developed? My friend just finds it hard to know how to tackle the subject with him.

[pcmaster]

In that guys place I would be exactly the same. In fact I been in those situations and only solution is to break out of gaming prison and do something that matters. He have to find motivation to live again. Lets say he have imprisoned himself and now works for company and being a tool fo gaming industry while gaming. There must be something that he does for himself - something thats good for him. Things that makes person addicted to life. So far guy does opposite - escapes from reality and dont things. He basicaly showing signs of depresion that makes it only harder to stop. WHat matters now is passion - what he likes to do when he dont have to do anything. Increased weight could come from lack of sleep, lack of movement or falling back to comfort foods.

This video been real eye opener for me

youtube.com/watch?v=vWAOVEicnlw

[Giggle37]

He's a bus driver, so it would come across to my friend is that his gaming was his down time? You've really given us alot to think about and her a new way to possibly approach him without being angry, because that is her main response at the moment.

[pcmaster]

Perhaps when her mother left, guy become lazy and slipped. Maybe kick in the butt could help but it might not be enought.

[dem862]

It could be a number of problems such as low testosterone, low thyroid, diabetes, medications, substance abuse, or masturbating too much. Maybe start with a doctor visit.

[basilandthyme]

It could be a number of problems such as low testosterone, low thyroid, diabetes, medications, substance abuse, or masturbating too much. Maybe start with a doctor visit.

Failing that, it could be that he's just not into your friend anymore.

[smackie9]

I say he wants out of the relationship but is afraid to be on his own so he is slipping into a depression, hence the gaming and lack of care with his appearance. He always had mommy taking care of him, so now that she has moved away he doesn't have anyone but his GF to depend on. She needs to breakup with him.