How do I forget?

[onika]

I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 3 years now, and we got engaged about a year ago. My problem is that last year (after the engagment ) He got a summer job at an office. We have always been very honest with each other about if we had a problem or if we fancied anybody else. we believed that if we told the other about problems then they would get sorted and there would not be a problem. However at this job he was doing he fancied this girl called jenny and he didnt tell me about it and i found out, when we talked about it he said some hurtful things to me like he wasnt sure if he loved me and if he wanted to be with me. This all happen within the space of a week so it was very out of character. so he went out on a date with this girl while he was still engaged to me and he says that it made him realised that he does love me and hewants to spend the rest of his life with me. I just cant seem to forget about what he could have done on this date? and i keep on bringing up the fact he has hurt me and we argue. i just want to forget about it and move on but i cant please help....

[Fizzy]

Hi Onika...welcome

I really feel for you with this, my long term boyfriend cheated on me last year, and it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. The strong trust we had, that had made our relationship what it was, had gone.
No one can tell you what to do in this situation, but from reading your post I would say that you obviously love him very much.
In my opinion, he had the opportunity to cheat, and he didn't. What could've been should not matter, as it didn't. And he has told you about what happened, so that shows a certain amount of respect for you on his part. People say hurtfull things when they are under pressure, and him saying he's not sure if he loves you (in a weird way) is him respecting you enough to be honest.
This is not something you are likely to ever forget about, and I don't think either of you should try to forget.
But you should try to learn how to handle it if you can.
Talking is the main issue...lay your cards on the table, and let him know exactly how you feel, tell him this is not an acceptable way to treat your fiance, and that you DO deserve more than this. You have every right to be angry with him, and he should understand that. If he can't understand that, then I would be seriously thinking about your future together.
However, if he takes it in, listens, and understands, then you can listen to him, understand why he did what he did. Give him the opportunity to get it out in the open, as he may be just as confused as you...then you may be able to learn from this and move on.

I wish you all the luck in the world, remember..the number one priority in your life is you. Never forget what happened, remember it, learn from it and be stronger for it.

[mhussain]

hi onika

as fizzy said...what could have been doesnt matter. what did happen matters. he loves you and you love him.. but never let that be a justification for u to tryto understand everything he does.....respect urself and then expect respect from others....

u wont forget it anytime soon...what he said...coz u love heim and when someone u love sayd such things...it hurts...

feeling hurt , angry is the only way to react..u cant just pretend that going out with a girl while being engaged to another is ok.! it is not.

talk with him and be honest and ask him to be honest. remember he was honest with you so always be honest.

and i hope things work out for you

Hussain

[OpticalIllusion]

I agree with the above posters, but I'll add a bit of zest to it...

If my long time girlfriend/fiance, was emotionally cheating on me, and doing things like going out on a date with a coworker, I would not hesitate to seriously ***** her out. That being the polite way of putting, even. I would not tolerate that kind of shit. I can tell you that if the same thing happened to me, I would tell her to chose... either be completely honest with me and start fessing up to how sorry she is, and how disrespectful what she did is, or.... have her ass hit the road.

[bluesummer]

Almost the exact same thing happened to me.
The end of the story is that it made my bf grow up and realize how much he loved me. Our relationship actually improved exponentially following this. The key is to be honest with each other, and not to continue to make it an issue. Make it very clear that you will absolutely never accept that behaviour again, but also make it clear that you forgive him and you are able to move past it. Then MOVE PAST IT.