why doesnt she even want to be friends anymore?

[brokenhearted33]

Sorry for the double post but I just realized my post might get better results here:



so my gf broke up with me about 2 months ago. I was heartbroken and shocked about it. When she broke up with me, she did the usual "but I still wanna be really good friends with you" routine.

Anyways, the first several weeks, I was really hurt, and I still wanted her back but knew I couldnt. I did the whole "no contact" thing for a couple weeks, and it actually helped a lot. It helped me get over her a little bit, so that I wasnt at the point of thinking about her every damn day and night and being depressed about it.

At this point, I've accepted the fact that I probably wont be able to get back together with her. At the same time, I still really want to have a great friendship with her since we have a lot in common and can talk to each other about everything.

However, we have only talked to each other sporadically this summer and only hung out once. And the one time we hung out....she seemed a bit cold to me. Definitely wasn't the way it was BEFORE we got together, when we were good friends.

So I'm wondering, why is she being kinda cold to me? She rarely initiates contact/conversation with me. When I do, I've very kind/friendly, and I don't show any indication of wanting to hook up again. All I want is to be great friends with her again. SHE was the one that broke up with me and said she wanted to stay great friends with me. However, she doesnt seem to be doing that.


I know she's not seeing anyone else, if that matters at all...

Any suggestions?

[vashti]

Leave her alone. She doesn't really want to be your friend - she just said that to make the break up a little easier. Sorry...

[ecojeanne]

you know yourself what vash says is true. it's hard to face the truth but you are better off going along with life without her in it. sorry but you know it's true.

[TanyaGirl]

She may not want to be friends, and was just trying to let you down easy!! It may also be hard for her to be friends right now. It has only been a few months. Wounds take time to heal. People need time to recover. Don't go out of your way to be friendly. If she wants a friendship, let her work at it. I feel your pain...I am going through the same thing. My ex ditched me, but wanted to be "great friends"

We never talk. It took me 3 weeks to figure out he is a piece of shit, and I deserve better!!!

[girl68]

Saying I don't want to be your girlfriend anymore is easier than saying I don't want to be your girlfriend OR your friend anymore. That's the reason behind it.

Adivce: be a good man, be polite but keep it short. You will never be as you once were...

[funluvinsarah]

Maybe she is just finding it hard to be able to talk to you as a friend without feeling anything. I know when me and my ex broke up we said we would be good mates because we were before we got together, it took us over 6 months to even be able to talk to one another properly and even now were not like we used to be. It why they say, going from friendship to relationship can go one of two ways, it can either make you stronger mates or can ruin the friendship you had at the beginning. Maybe giving her some more time and she may be able to start been your 'friend' again but I wouldn't expect to be as close as you used to be.

[Yggdrasil]

Move on. You and her are history and as long as you want the relation back, friendship is impossible.

[carl1222]

Move on. You and her are history and as long as you want the relation back, friendship is impossible.

Think about what it would mean to you if you were just a friend at this point.

As a friend, she should be able to tell you about a new boyfriend, and you should be excited and happy for her! Until you reach that point (if ever), let the friendship go.

Carl.

[jb182]

It's a very tough position to be in, I'm going through something very similar at the moment (hence why I'm here!). My ex told me she saw me as "more of a friend than a boyfriend" and that while she enjoys hanging out with me, there's no 'spark' anymore.
It was all a surprise to me, I didn't see it coming at all. I've talked to her a little since then - it only happened a week ago - via text messaging or facebook chat, but I find myself getting very depressed every time I talk to her. She seems to be moving on incredibly fast, we've agreed to see a movie in a couple of weeks, but I get the feeling it won't really happen.

It's incredibly tough, but I guess deep down I know that we can never be friends like we were early on in the relationship - at least not while I still get upset when she talks about other guys (I hate facebook as I can't help but snoop on her, she's already flirting with other guys, I shouldn't care but I can't help it).

[brokenhearted33]

sorry to hear about that jb.....sadly, like 90% of your situation sounds similar to mine....lets hope we get better. time will heal

[jb182]

sorry to hear about that jb.....sadly, like 90% of your situation sounds similar to mine....lets hope we get better. time will heal

Yeah totally, keep me updated!
I think soon I'm going to have to take the 'no contact' thing a little further and maybe take her off of my facebook list. I know that probably sounds immature, but I can't help myself when I'm on there!

[brokenhearted33]

man, jb your situation is almost exactly like mine! lol. my gf broke up with me because she thought we were heading in the direction of "good friends" too. and it also totally caught me by surprise. and i also rarely talk with my gf now too because i get depressed about the whole situation. aye!

[jb182]

haha, well it's good to know we aren't alone!

[CursedMary]

My story with my ex boyfriend was just the same!!!

But he wasnt only cold, he was rough and rude, he told me: "You're away from my heart! Dont bother me!!! I'm rude and I dont care about you, your feelings or that you're hurt!! You'll get over it!! Just forget that we ever met!!!" I was sooo sad!
When we broke up he said he'll always be there for me, he'll always remember me and keep me in his heart, he said we'll see eachother every week, no matter new relationships or problems...
He lied, and he doesnt want to see me again...

I didnt get over him, I mean over our friendship. I cant believe it's all lost. And everything without a reason... the fault is probably in his new girlfriend, she doesnt like me and she doesnt want me around... and she succeeded!

Whatever...

[Reath]

Bitchslap that guy... and smile while walking away.