Fell in love with housemate

[vinnie00]

Here is my situation:

I fell in love with my housemate who I never thought I would fall in love with. I am a university student and this is the second year that I'm sharing a house with her and with two others who is a couple. I can't tell her as I know that she only sees me as a friend, if I tell her it will ruin our friendship and it would be extremely hard as I live with her and have to face her everyday. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, but now she is dating another guy who comes and sleeps with her at night. But I think she is confused, and that he is taking advantage of her because she was hurt by her previous relationship and not really over it yet. It hurts my heart so much when he comes and sleep with her, but there's nothing I can do. I want to forget but I can't stop thinking about her and I find it hard to pretend that I don't care about her when I see her, but in fact I care a lot but just can't tell her. Should I just keep pretending and hope I'll forget as time passes by? Or Should I tell her, but I know she would never love me and then it'll be hard for us to live in the same house anymore?

Please can anyone help me?

Vinnie

[Illusional]

let me ask you this first.. are you willing to move out if shit hits the fan?? well if you said no, then too bad, you will go around with this feeling of helplessness that you probably won't ever shake.

now if you are willing to move out if things go sour, that is probably what you might have to do if she rejects you.

ok, now to the matter at hand, being that you are scared to take this chance, are you close with the other two roommates who are a couple? maybe you can talk to them and ask if they had noticed anything. also start to pay more attention to your friend and talk to her about her current relationship. question her if she's happy with him, or he is just a rebound thing. show her that you care and maybe she will turn her eyes towards you.

raverboy

[vashti]

I agree there is no way to repair this without you taking a chance on having to find another living arrangement. If you are willing to take that chance, I would just tell her you have developed a crush on her, and it pains you to see her sleeping with losers.

If thiongs don't work out and you need to find other living arrangements, I suggest you avoid living with females. It would go a long way to avoid these kinds of complications.

[Gigabitch]

The rebound thing she's doing is part of the healing process after her breakup. If he's really not a good guy, he won't last.

I strongly advise you not to say anything to her. I had a roommate get a crush on me once and we ended up having to throw him out. He started doing things like throwing my phone messages away. Don't be Creepy Roommate Guy.

[vinnie00]

I don't think moving out is an option for financial reasons. I'm now trying to act normally and avoid facing or talking to her when I am in the house. Do you think this is the best way? Do you think I should just pack it all in and hide it inside and take the pain?

[vashti]

I think if you have no other living arrangement possibilities, you should definitely keep this to yourself until your options broaden. Once the cat is out of the bag, there is not putting it back, and things will be yucky if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings.

[vinnie00]

What about if I tell her as a friend that I don't think that person is a nice guy, because a nice guy wouldn't take advantage when she's most vulnerable and sleeps with her when they've only been going out for least than three weeks.

And than I am going to say as a friend who cares about her, i don't want to see her do something that she's going to regret and get hurt again later. Then i am going to say I am not asking her to do anything, but i just want her to really think about it on her own.

Do you think that is acceptable to say? Or do you think I'm just really naive and stupid?

[vinnie00]

She seems really happy at the moment with that guy. I want to be happy for her but I can't.

I think I'll just let time take its toll and hope that I'll forget about her.

[vashti]

If she seems happy with him, she wil resent you for saying anything bad about him. I would just bite my tongue, my friend. Keep yourself really busy away from home.

[Gigabitch]

That's so true- if she's not ready to hear it, she'll be angry with you for saying anything. if he's a truly terrible guy and mistreats her, then say something, but if he's just icky, she'll see it soon enough.

[vashti]

poor vinnie.. just remember to remind yourself that girls are really evil, and you are probably better off without her.

Have you got someone else you can ask out to distract yourself?

[peace_maker20]

poor vinnie.. just remember to remind yourself that girls are really evil,

true, very true.

[Illusional]

as vash said, that's why i never live with females.. i'd probably be the asshole who ends up having sex with them when we both are drunk.

hey vash, are you ready for that bloody mary now??

raverboy

[vinnie00]

Thanks very much guys and girls for helping me with my situation. I think I'm beginning to get over her, and not care in what she does.

And I've learnt my lesson that 1) I will never share a flat with girls again. 2) never care for someone so much that would drain up my whole life and make myself think that you're not good enough for them 3) men and women can never be true friends.

[vashti]

And I've learnt my lesson that 1) I will never share a flat with girls again. 2) never care for someone so much that would drain up my whole life and make myself think that you're not good enough for them 3) men and women can never be true friends.

I like 1 and 3. As for number 2, I think it is GOOD to care for someone, but you have to care about yourself, too. No one else is gonna take care of your needs as well as YOU will.