Pursuing a Friendship

[artyemi]

Hey Guys.

So I have this friend (Person A). Anyway, a few months ago, I decided it was pointless to keep in touch with this person because this person never returned my phone calls, emails, or text messages.

Then, this month, I decided, it's kind of petty of me to expect people to always have time to respond to me, because people have different level of busy, right?

So, I decided to write this person another email, thanking this person for something. No response yet again.

Another friend (Person B) of mine, who is mutual friends of both of us, told me that I shouldn't give a shit. She thinks I care too much. She doesn't care. (For some reason, this person just decided to stop calling us both.)

I don't get it. When I hang out with another friend (Person C), also mutual friend of ours, and Person A call, this person will say hello via the intermediary friend. Why say hello through an intermediary??

Anyway, I'm really annoyed because I feel like Friend C is really hoping that A and I are going to mend our broken friendship. And C is very important to me, yet, I feel like I've humbled myself enough to try and work it out with A. This email was like the last straw.

I feel really hurt and slighted by Person A in many instances, and I know A have felt similar way. We saw each other once at a party and it was really awkward because C came to say hello, but I didn't know how to respond, and I think C might have felt ignored by me.

I feel like if I give up on this person, I'm giving in to my selfishness, or something. Yet, if I don't give up to getting in contact with this person, I'll constantly feel hurt because of the way the person continues to ignore contact.

It's frustrating because I'm in my early 20s and Person A is in late 20s.

If this was high school, you can deal with it by just continuing to ignore each other, but since C is both mutual friend, I know C would like to be able to ask both A and I to hang out at the same time.

I'm so frustrated. What should I do? Send flowers or something to A?

[TAVS]

Yea, you care to much. Forget about it and move on.

[Tone]

I feel like if I give up on this person, I'm giving in to my selfishness, or something. Yet, if I don't give up to getting in contact with this person, I'll constantly feel hurt because of the way the person continues to ignore contact

Wrong. You did your part - you e-mailed A and they choose not to respond - not you. It's all on them, you can move on just fine knowing you did your part, and it was them that choose to give up on the friendship, not you.

Try not to sweat it =/

[artyemi]

But TAVS.. how can you just forget about it? Doesn't it bother you that you give up on something? I really like person A alot too.

The other thing also is that when I hang out with Person C, Person C's friends are also friends of person A.

And Person C and A are like best friend.

[shh!]

I also think you tried your best, but have to give up now. Creating friendships requires an investment of time, and perhaps "A" just doesn't have it to spare right now. Try not to take it personally, and just continue to be nice if you run into him/her.

[artyemi]

I guess I'm just hurt because one day, as I was hanging with C, C asked me if A and I were ever going to be friends again. I just never told C about the other stuff, and C just seem so hopeful. Like the other day, we walked by A's place and C was like "you want to stop by."

I really didn't want to because uncomfortable now. C is just so persistent about A and I being friends again for some reason.

[nomas]

I'm with the general concensus, Arty. Don't feel like you're "giving up" on anything. Rather think like you put forth above average effort, the person didn't respond, don't force the issue.

Sometimes we really, REALLY want it to happen, but if it requires so much effort, maybe you're trying to force it. It's tough to accept, but try to adopt the "oh well" attitude.

[No Bodies Hero]

Arty I know how you feel. I wish the answers were alot more easier to get. But that would make it too easy. Just give it time and know that you tried your best. It is all on them at this point in time.

[misombra]

don't sweat it arty. we're your friends and who gives a shit what person a thinks about you. the best way to deal with a snob is to snob them right back. act like you don't care. if friend c wants to hang out with both of you then do it. it's person a's problem if she can't handle it.

[artyemi]

Yea.. But I think I'm the one who can't handle seeing the person. I'm somewhere between disgusted with the person's attitude, yet, disgusted with myself for being disgusted with the person's attitude. It's so petty.

eurggh... I hate those situations, when you like the person yet just hate then you're liking them and hate that you're hating liking them.

it's like a bad business meeting.

[misombra]

well then just leave her alone. maybe she or he has their reasons, you know? try not to take it too personal.

[artyemi]

i'm pretty sure person a does.

so yea, i'm just venting about nothing really.

[Chlorine]

Artyemi----Sounds like you've made a big effort on your part, so if "A" isn't responding, than just leave it.

Sometimes people cut you off for reasons unknown to you. For the weirdest reasons. People who you think are your friends, are friends with you cause you serve their needs at the time. Once the needs are met or no longer required, they cut you off.

It's a cruel world out there.

[artyemi]

Ok, so here's update about the email.

I was hanging out with person C. I went to do something. I came back.

Person C said, "I was just on the phone with person A. Person A is thinking about a get together. Person A said he/she got a very nice email from you. Person A is having a get together of friends. Would you be interested in going. What do you think?"


Should I go?

It's tonight. What do you think?

(Edited because of information from person C. Person A didn't ask if I'd be interested in going. Whew..)

[shh!]

You are over-thinking this. If you want to go, then go. Forget about the unanswered e-mail. Maybe she was busy, or maybe she is just not good at corresponding in a timely manner with anyone. Just don't expect her to be good at this in the future, and then you won't be disappointed.