Can a relationship survive cheating?

[Starbaby]

Can a relationship survive cheating? Does anyone have stories of having cheating occur, but working through it? If so, I would love to hear them. Just had a 3 year relationship end with my boyfriend due to cheating.

[Petit Papillon]

Who cheated, you or him? IF you then the question is, if you could live without cheating? And if it was him, are you ready to live with a cheater? Mind, that most, like 99% cheaters stay cheaters till they bite the dust. Can you live with the fear of him cheating again?

[Kyouhen]

on the other side of the spectrum read this story, it isn't all happy giddy but it shows strength on both sides [url=http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=23686394]He Cheated, She Stayed: One Woman's True Story of Getting Over Infidelity - 1 - MSN Relationships - article[/url] trust me this story is really helpful for your situation

[Starbaby]

It was me who strayed. Yes I could go on without cheating again, I know I could. I feel so horrible about hurting someone I love. It was a one time occurance when things were rough between us. But I kept talking to the guy I strayed with (via email, he lives out of state). I don't even know why. I knew in my heart I wanted to be with my boyfriend. He found out when he hacked my email. I don't even care he invaded my privacy because I deserved it. I am glad he found out in a way because I hated the dishonesty I injected in to our relationship. I am kind of scared to admit all of this on here because I don't want to be told what a horrible person I am for doing what I did. I already know that. I just want to know if other couples have worked through this and survived....

[Petit Papillon]

question: are you ready to live with a guy who frgives you cheating?as silly as it sounds,some woman start to feel pity for their guys who even when they got cheated,they can't go mad enough to break up.

[girl68]

Honestly, it didn't sound terrible when you admitted you cheated it was the fact you kept in contact. That aside from the cheating itself was your single biggest mistake. It sounds like you thought it was all dandy until he dumped your ass. Then and only then did you seem to realize your mistakes. Unfortuantely that was too late for your ex. (I am assuming here a bit... correct me if I am wrong).

I think what you need to do (unless you already have) is make your apology loud and clear, own up to what you have down, and explain now how you feel about what you have done. Then do as he askes. If he wants space, give it. If he never wants to see your face again, be gone. Respect his wishes as these are your consequences.

[Starbaby]

I didn't think it was "dandy", but I understand what you mean. And you are correct. In my heart, I knew he would find out at some point. I am honestly glad that he found out a month after it happened and not a long time after. I am doing exactly what you recommended right now. I have apologized profusely and I am now giving him space. I am getting what I deserve and recognize that.

[girl68]

Alright well I guess all you can do is move on. And now you know... never, ever do that again. Good luck in the future. And if he chooses never to contact you again let him be. Don't try to initiate contact because you think you've given him enough time or space.

[Kyouhen]

What I'm not liking is the fact everyone here keeps saying move on like you just brush it off, if this is a site to care, you shouldn't be so non-chalant even if you mean well.

Look if you love the guy and he loves you and you truly are deeply regretful, like you messed up big, you know it and your a horrible person who doesn't deserve a relationship, but yet he loves you and sees past that, who are we to judge whether or not you are right.

I say follow your heart, and be compassionate to his.

[cmacattack1]

"Yes I could go on without cheating, I know I could."

How do you know? You don't know how you will feel in the future, and what you will be faced with. You weren't confident with your relationship now, what's to say it wouldn't happen again? Especially if you got another chance from your boyfriend? The only reason you admitted it is because you got caught, although it doesn't sound like you tried to hide it well. Are you wanting to work on this because you are guilty and think you owe it to him? If that's the case, you shouldn't be with him. You know deep down inside if you are more guilty or more willing to keep what you have.

"It was a one time occurance when things were rough between us."

How rough? Is this your response to a rough patch between your boyfriend and you? No solutions, no talking it out, no working on it, no being honest about how you feel? Unhappy until you find somebody that will have a fling with you? I just hope you really learned alot from this experience as to how to deal with situations and relationships. If you are unhappy, just say so. Be on your own if that's what you need to realize how much you really care for him. Don't let it stagnate to the point where you are going to be with somebody else. This is what happens when you do.

[Gigabitch]

I'm concerned about your statement that you don't want to be told about what an awful person you are for doing what you did. That's not the position you should be taking if you want him back. You should be beating your hand against your chest, wailing, "Mea culpa!". You should be groveling. You just don't seem all that sorry to me, and you probably don't seem all that sorry to him. It seems like you're ready to just put it all behind you and start fresh, like that's even possible.

What you would have to do is put Humpty Dumpty back together again. People have accomplished this in the past, but only if they're both willing to do everything they can to make it work. It sounds to me like he's done with you, even if you were able to somehow guarantee you'd never stray again, you've broken something precious and delicate, especially because you stayed in touch with the other guy.

The fact that you're being very sparse with the details of your cheating tells me the story is even worse than we think it is.

[Jas_mine]

There are relationships that have survived cheating but only because both individuals involved were ready and willing to work towards ressurecting what they had. It is difficult to offer advice to you, the cheater, as the decision fully lies in the hands of he whom has been wronged. Only if he decides to forgive and forget do you stand a chance but even then it will be a rocky path, you must accept that you shall have to continuously prove yourself, that your partner will probably be suspicious for the most part and you will have to go out of your way to reassure him. Trust is difficult to rebuild but not impossible. Just show more remorse for your actions. Also, the only way you can confirm you shall never cheat again is to address the reasons as to why you did so in the first place. Be honest with yourself.

[Cosmo]

My girlfriend cheated on me. We worked things out. I forgave her because I loved her more than I loved myself. She cheated again.

Do your boyfriend a favor and stop torturing him. Men don't think like women. Men are far more affectionate and emotional, we just don't show it. Don't take offense ladies, but men just don't think like you do. I've talked to many woman about my situation and they all admit to flirting with men/cheating. When I'm with a woman I don't even LOOK at other women. Why would I???? I couldn't even consider being with someone else, it just does not compute. I don't know, its my experience that a man will leave a woman when he starts to stray (assuming no family/kids/house) while a woman tries to have both.

When a woman cheats on a man it hurts like nothing else on this planet. If you cared about your boyfriend you WOULD NOT CHEAT. Saying you strayed or made a mistake is just making yourself feel better. It doesn't mean anything to him.

I'm sorry but relationships aren't as complicated as people make them seem (I'm realizing this as I self-assess my situation). If you love someone you do so unconditionally and never want to see them hurt. Cheating is the MOST hurtful thing you can do to someone on this planet. I would rather be hacked to pieces with a machete than have someone i love cheat on me again.

I know this is an older post, but if it comes up again in searches I want my voice heard:
If you cheat, have the DECENCY to end things with your mate. If they love you they'll do anything to take you back, but obviously you don't feel the same about them. If you did you wouldn't even consider hurting them.

[lahnnabell]

Maybe it's possible. I've never seen a valid instance where things have worked out though. It's too much damage to repair, and most people are so broken by the very act of the infidelity that they can't find the strength to truly work past it. All you can see is dishonesty and betrayal. You feel dead inside. Best to let him go. You deserve this punishment. Next time you'll understand how to better treat a loved one.

And yes, I think you know exactly why you kept in touch with him. You liked the attention and passed it off as nothing more than friendliness in your own mind so you didn't have to give up a comfortable situation. Of course, you were in denial, otherwise you wouldn't have felt the need to hide it from your boyfriend. You played him for a fool and thought that you were being so good at keeping it all a secret. He must feel like you think he's stupid. How insulting. Yes, you need to grow up some more.

[Kaius]

I think fundamentally the trust issue will always pop up. There is no guarantee you will never cheat again....or your boyfriend wouldn't cheat in the future.
People don't cheat by accident. It's intentional, but the motive varies. You can't say that you truly love your boyfriend because that would contradict your actions.
There must be some elements about the relationship that you are dissatisfied. Even if you two get back together, the cheating will always come up during argument.
I cheated on my girlfriend almost 20 years ago, and nothing could have completely healed us. I am not a cheater now, but I know why I cheated. I was in love
with someone else. Plain and simple. But my attitude changed.... I was never a cheater again BECAUSE as soon as I felt dissatisfied with the relationship, I would
end it so I would never be occupying two women at the same time. You will not be tempted when the right mate comes along.

Hope this helps.