How to forgive myself? I made a massive mistake.

[inthewrongx]

I am 21 years old. This time last year I went on holiday with 2 friends. At that point in time I had been seeing my now proper b/f for around 4 months, we were not 100% official or serious (I refused to be in a serious relationship after being in an abusive, posessive one for 4 years previous) Basically everything was a bit of fun to me.. I didn't know how I truly felt about him, and I was living for me.

My friend constantly told me to 'have fun' on holiday, what goes on tour stays on tour the usual and tbh I felt pressured to seem carefree and fun. Mixed with being so far away from home, her attitude, alcohol, and basically I don't have any other reasons I ended up kissing someone whilst there, nearly sleeping with them (I stopped it) and kissing another two men whilst there.

It wasn't until returning home that I realised how much I actually liked my now bf and we eventually ended up in a proper relationship which I am still in today and very happy with. I am now infact pregnant with his baby and can't wait to start a family together (was not planned but I don't believe in abortion)

For the past year, I have not really thought or bothered about what happened, but now and again felt twinges of guilt. I know it felt wrong and out of character for me, and I didn't enjoy it. But recently after seeing one of the boys from holidays friend. I have felt AWFUL. really guilty and more or less like a fraud.

I can truly say I am happy in my relationship. I had never did anything like what I did on holiday before and I would never do it again. I am 100% committed to my man and my soon to be here baby and that is all I want from life. I just want to be happy and allow myself to put this in the past.

I know I did wrong. I know if I could go back and do things differently I definitely would have. I would have said NO to my friend and never have ended up feeling like such a horrible b*tch

[girl68]

You're not going to feel any less guilty if you spill the beans. Don't tell.

[Gigabitch]

This is not your friend's fault. Leave her out of it and take responsibility for your own choices.

You weren't committed at the time. In fact, if this all hadn't happened, you might not have realized how much you wanted to be committed and your life might be very different now. All in all, what happened was for the best. Now stop fretting and go be happy.

[nahNiku]

This is exactly what I was thinking about some minutes ago.

Believe me it can be worse.

One thing you should always remember - everything happens for good. So don`t feel guilty but happy that you realized how much you like him

Good luck

[davidtorres]

i really like to be honest but since u have a baby coming out, i think u shouldnt tell. im sure he will leave u if he knew who u really are.

[Kaius]

so what if you made out with some guys during a new relationship? You didn't sleep with them. You regretted it later. You didn't do anything fatally wrong.
Dont be so hard on yourself. Just bury it and dont tell your bf. It's not worth fighting over. Just be happy.

[xxazurexx]

I don't see what the big deal is. You were not even in anything exclusive with him anyway, that didn't happen until you got back.

The guy you kissed wasn't that important to you anyway, so why want to mention a mere kiss that could result in destroying what you have with this guy/or give him insecurities and trust issues?

[Doc Durian]

It would only matter if he believed they were exclusive during that time.

But the past is the past.

If that's all that happened, take it to the grave.

[cmacattack1]

I think you should accept that the situation you are in is a whole different scenario then what happened that time ago. Not committed after four months of hanging out eh? I'll admit I'm kind of skeptical on that. But being a guy that has cheated on a girlfriend before and had her not know it, it wouldn't do anything but hurt the current relationship you have now. You have grown since then, you have matured, you guys have a bright future together. Accept that you were wrong and stupid then, and if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, use this as a reminder of what decision is the right thing to do.

It's okay, you didn't know any better.

[Olderandwiser49]

I think that the fact you feel so guilty and miserable about what you did says alot about your character. Don't make your guy feel miserable, too. You've committed yourself to him, and that's all he needs to know. Good luck with the family!!