Hello,
I need some advise. About 4 months ago, a new girl came to my work as an intern. She is from another continent and came to intern after an exchange student semester at a local unviversity.
To make a long story short we became friends, best friends actually and later fell in love. Falling in love or getting intimately involved was never each others intentions. We just wanted to be friends which we were and are. I have always stayed away from married women but it happened here and part of me is very ashamed of this, although I do not regret getting involved because I have finally learned what true love can be like. And it is a wonderful thing and has really changed the way I look at life now.
I am a 35 year old single man who has been in realtionships before and I have ever experienced a connection like this. We are best friends, like the same things, hate the same things, think the same thoughts where at times it is very weird, can feel each others presence, we make each other feel like the best who ever existed. I have never believed in the term "soulmate" but meeting her has actually made me understand and believe this word. We absolutley adore eachother.... but she is married and has been emotionally separated for years.
Her story: 24 years old. Engaged at 15 to a 19 year old. Rushed into mariage (obviously) for reasons of religion ie wanting a sexual relationship (no sex before marriage). Her parents fought her on getting married but finally gave in. Over time she realized she made a mistake. She is not "in love with him", and really just looks at him as a friend. She does love him and care about him though. She does not find him physically attractive, romantic, nor look at him as being the type of man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. In some ways she despises him for some of the things he wants sexually, tries to change her appearance, etc.
She tells me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me but deep inside she can't end her marriage until she is convinced it's hopeless. I have encouraged her to repair her marriage if she thinks she will be happier with him. I really just want her to be happy. I love her with all my heart.
So now she is in Europe, and I am in North America. Her husband knows everything. She is in the process of reparing the marriage( or seeing if it can be repaired) and she says it's not looking good(for him).
My questions are:
1) Am I a bad person?
2) How do I handle our freindship now? I try really hard not to contact her but she ends up contacting me. I want to support her as I love her dearly but do not want her to ever resent me for ending her marriage by telling her what I want. At times, she asks me to call her and I do. Not sure how to handle this.
3) Can our love be real and last of she leaves him? I feel it can, but I am the one in love here.