I think i'm falling out of love.

[Matt347]

Well me and my girlfriend have been going out for about a year now. I'm 21 and shes 20. At first when we started going out I was just absolutely crazy about her. She seemed like my dream girl, I just wanted to be with her and i was already thinking about our future together.

Our first 6 months we've had together really did feel like something special, but as our relationship continues on i feel as though what i felt for her early on is slowly disappearing. And I've been feeling like this for the past 2 months now questioning myself and whether shes the one for me or not.

What also makes it hard is that she is also very emotional and clingy. lol, i think about every week she asks me, "you would never leave me and break my heart, right? cause i just don't know what i would do without you." And i don't want to break her heart. Ever.

Whats eating me up inside though is the fact that shes way more than i deserve. She's smart, funny personality, way better looking than what i'm worth, and shes absolutely crazy about me and would do anything just to keep me happy and with her. I can actually trust her unlike with my previous girlfriends before her. She sounds like my ideal perfect girlfriend but then why am i feeling this way about her.

ugh, i don't know what i should do. I just don't want our relationship to be lie. but WHY do i feel this way when i have everything i ever wanted right in front of me?

[lesa]

You sound like you are out of the ecstacy stage.

However, it also sounds like she is not the one...I mean for marriage. She was a great short term girlfriend but you want more? Are you looking for the one?

But wait! You are quite young. Nevertheless, have you decided that the attraction is not enough to sustain a relationship?

[swargolet]

What you experienced the first 6 months was the usual puppy dog love stage. Everyone goes through it but for some relationships it lasts 1 day, others it lasts couple years. You are just coming out of that stage and really things are starting to sink in. There must be things that are bothering you about her besides the clinginess.
If you really want this relationship to work you have to create that spark again. Sit down with her and talk to her. I would advice against coming straight out and saying that you arent IN love with her anymore, say it a little nicer like "Lately I've been questioning the feelings I have for you". Yes she will proabbly start to cry but that shows she still loves you and is probably willing to help out. If you want something different from her then it does take a major event like this to change it.
Talk about the clinginess and the things she says. Tell her that she doesnt have to say that stuff for you to know it. Yes it is nice to hear it every once in awhile but she kinda goes over the top with it and says it way to often and says just too much like the "cause i just don't know what i would do without you" part. In a way, I'm guessing she is pushing you away with all this since she is looking at the relationship to seriously and it is scaring you a little.
She has to realize that you guys are both young and theres a 99% chance it will not last your whole life.

Also to create the spark. Change things up. I'm guessing you guys almost have a routine going where you call at the same time everynight and you talk about the same crap, or you always go on the same dates. Do something spontaneous even a little risky (hotel room ) Instead of phone calls maybe send a letter every now and then. something physical is always nice. Also just google soemthing along the lines of "how to get spark back in relationship", google is everyones friend

So if you really really want to, you should talk to her about all this, then see how the relationship goes the next month or 2. If you like where it is going stick with it, if not then for both yours and her benefit break it off. There is no sense dragging out a relationship where one partner doesnt have feelings anymore.

[vashti]

It is normal for the infatuation to dissipate, especially when you are talking about a relationship with someone who is clingy and emotionally needy.

I think it is very possible you two just aren't a match, and perhaps you should pay some attention to your concerns. If it turns out she isn't the one, don't try to force it. Most relationships don't work out at your age because both parties are still growing in to the adults they will eventually be, and their needs change. It is common for people to grow in different directions.

[DharmicLove]

Just tell her ass to stop being so mushy.. then maybe you'd feel better about the situation.

[Indignant]

What also makes it hard is that she is also very emotional and clingy. lol, i think about every week she asks me, "you would never leave me and break my heart, right? cause i just don't know what i would do without you." And i don't want to break her heart. Ever.

she is probably getting a negative vibe from you, thus the insecurities.

[Gigabitch]

Love is what you're left with when infatuation has passed. You're not falling out of love, you're realizing that it wasn't love in the first place.

It's okay. It happens. People break up. You might feel that you have everything you ever wanted right in front of you but if that were true, you'd be in love, not feeling the way you're feeling.

Gently cut her loose.

[TipsGoda]

Well me and my girlfriend have been going out for about a year now. I'm 21 and shes 20. At first when we started going out I was just absolutely crazy about her. She seemed like my dream girl, I just wanted to be with her and i was already thinking about our future together.

Our first 6 months we've had together really did feel like something special, but as our relationship continues on i feel as though what i felt for her early on is slowly disappearing. And I've been feeling like this for the past 2 months now questioning myself and whether shes the one for me or not.

What also makes it hard is that she is also very emotional and clingy. lol, i think about every week she asks me, "you would never leave me and break my heart, right? cause i just don't know what i would do without you." And i don't want to break her heart. Ever.

Whats eating me up inside though is the fact that shes way more than i deserve. She's smart, funny personality, way better looking than what i'm worth, and shes absolutely crazy about me and would do anything just to keep me happy and with her. I can actually trust her unlike with my previous girlfriends before her. She sounds like my ideal perfect girlfriend but then why am i feeling this way about her.

ugh, i don't know what i should do. I just don't want our relationship to be lie. but WHY do i feel this way when i have everything i ever wanted right in front of me?

man you look like your running out of love here..maybe you need to spice up your relationship a bit..you know give it a more chance..if that doesnt work,try to speak to her how you feel..maybe she can work something out..
and if you still feel the same..i think its better if you guys go on seperate ways..coz you dont wanna hang on it for too long and lie to her..

[DharmicLove]

Love is what you're left with when infatuation has passed. You're not falling out of love, you're realizing that it wasn't love in the first place.

It's okay. It happens. People break up. You might feel that you have everything you ever wanted right in front of you but if that were true, you'd be in love, not feeling the way you're feeling.

Gently cut her loose.

Girl, I have to give to you. You are not just any dumb broad, but you do give to the boys and girls directly. "Gently cut her loose." I live for you hun.

[swargolet]

Love is what you're left with when infatuation has passed. You're not falling out of love, you're realizing that it wasn't love in the first place.

I had to quote this. It is probably the best post by far in this whole thread. This is like one of those quotes at the top of the page. I actually saved this quote and I think it should somehow be saved on the forums.

[lroberts]

If she's becoming so clingy and emotional to you maybe because she feels that you are not going to stay with her. Talk to her and be honest to her. You will hurt her more if you will just stay with her just because she wants to be with you.
By the way why did you like her in the first place?

[Matt347]

clingy and emotional is just in her nature think. I haven't really given her a reason or shown signs that I might be losing interest, but she just always needs me to be there with her.

ugh... I think I'll try and let her go soon. I just don't know what to say or how i'll do it. I can picture her right now crying and freaking out and asking what she did wrong, when she actually did everything right. lol, I'm like about to cry right now thinking about it.

[and_for_what]

clingy and emotional is just in her nature think. I haven't really given her a reason or shown signs that I might be losing interest, but she just always needs me to be there with her.

ugh... I think I'll try and let her go soon. I just don't know what to say or how i'll do it. I can picture her right now crying and freaking out and asking what she did wrong, when she actually did everything right. lol, I'm like about to cry right now thinking about it.

seriously this thread, and this forum, is pretty ****ing casual about ending relationships.

"Oh hai guise I have a problem with my gf"
"SHE'S NOT THE ONE FOR YOU, GET RID OF HER"

"hey my bf sometimes doesn't call me every day"
"dump his worthless ass, move on, you're young."


shit, maybe it's just me, but OP if you can rationally determine that she is really great and ticks all the boxes, then you need to realise that you'll never always feel the same excitement you once had. It gives way to a fond familiarity and trust, companionship and all that. Personally I preferred it when all the excitement settled down after the first stage in my last relationship. Things were much nicer after that.

I reckon that people's first serious relationships rarely work out because they have unrealistic expectations about what they're supposed to feel. After a few relationships they realise that that's as good as it gets, and settle for who they're with at the time.
Does anyone agree?
I mean, if you have partners A, B, C and then marry D - I bet if you'd met them in the reverse order you'd end up staying with A.
There's obviously exceptions and plenty of other reasons for breakups, but for cases like this I think that's probably right.

OP - if she's behaving in a way that bothers you, just talk to her about it and try to change it!

[Gigabitch]

ugh... I think I'll try and let her go soon. I just don't know what to say or how i'll do it. I can picture her right now crying and freaking out and asking what she did wrong, when she actually did everything right. lol, I'm like about to cry right now thinking about it.

Ouch. I feel you. Look, you're really doing the right thing for her. She wants someone to love her like she loves you. You can't do that, so you're going to do the gentlemanly thing and step aside to let someone else have the next dance, that's all.

Be clear about your boundaries (this is the kind thing to do). You can't be "friends" with her, no matter how much she wants to keep the connection. Tell her that maybe there's a chance for this when you're both over the breakup, though I should tell you right now, she's too much in love with you and she'll be too devastated by the breakup to ever be real friends with you. Tell her you think you shouldn't have contact for six months or something. This gives her a chance to actually heal because every new encounter with you after the breakup will re-open the wound for her.

I've done this before, and it's really, really hard. The guy didn't really date for four years after we broke up. I felt horribly guilty, but it was for the best because he simply wasn't the one and I knew it.

You'll feel like the bad guy for a long, long time, but ultimately, you'll know you did this for her as much as for yourself.

seriously this thread, and this forum, is pretty ****ing casual about ending relationships.

So you think people should stay together just because they're already together?

[Lite]

It sounds like she isn't actually everything you've ever wanted in a woman, and that deep down you know that something integral to a relationship is missing for you.

It always sucks when you're in a relationship with someone who is actually a relatively great person, but there's just enough little things that add up to you being unhappy with the situation. Obviously it sucks to have to hurt someone by moving on, but maybe you should consider that you're doing them a favor by not dragging them through the gutter with your disappointments in the relationship.

There's nothing wrong with amicably ending a relationship. The hard part is convincing the other person that while they're a good person, they're just not a good match for you. They don't understand it, and you can't really explain it because there's some missing integral piece of communication between you two. You say what you mean, but she doesn't understand it.

Anyway, look. If you're not happy in the relationship you should respect her enough to end the relationship quickly and allow her to move on with her life. Otherwise you're wasting her time and hurting her more in the long run.